Random thoughts

Hello there folks. So I've been trying different ways to prepare myself for the challenges ahead. Different routines different wake up times, etc. I will be the first to admit that I have not done as much as I have wanted to lately. But, it is a lot more than I have done before. And right now I'm rolling with the excuse that I am very tired from work. Not that I have been physically exhausted lately, but just non-stop since the end of Xmas. I do not enjoy working like a dog. In fact it really angers me off, pouring in the hours, but it is a necessary evil. And I'm working with a good group of fellas. Makes it far more bearable! And this project is a huge challenge so that's kinda neat too.
  So on wednesday I got a phone call from my youngest boy. He is three and the phone call goes like this. "Daddy you coming to kung fu?"  "No little man. I'm in Yellowknife still. Next week!" "Okay daddy. Bye". Haha little guy tugs my heart every single day. Later that night I was talking to the missus and she was telling me that the youngest is at the back of the class doing his best at push ups and trying to participate the best he can. If that isn't inspiring I don't know what is. This little kid without being instructed just starts busting out warm-ups with the class. And sifu takes time to help him out. Man that's awesome. Truly makes me want to train more and harder. Not just for me or sifu, But for my boys. Thru me, at least I would like to believe, that I can prove to them that they can be anything or whatever they want to be if they work for it.
   And quickly I was talking with some friends of mine and the topic pride came up. I believe there was some confusion. It was brought up how pride can be a killer for some people. Inflating the ego beyond any sense of realism. Now for myself, that is not how I see pride and ego. Of the two ego is the killer and here is why I see it like that. I am a proud man. I am very proud of who I have evolved into in the last few years. I'm very proud of my accomplishments in the last few years. But being proud of all this I have to remember that I did not do any of these things on my own. There were "external forces" at work putting people, places, and things in my path in order to help me out! But when I forget about the help I got from others and those above, I take complete ownership of everything, thus driving my ego. And once I feed that ego and forget those whom have helped me I stop growing and start dying again. I tried to do everything on my own and my way only. Only thing I got was a death certificate. So even when i thought I was doing it on my own, I wasn't. The devil was.
But I guess that's it for now so...

Humbly yours
Mr.Duncan

thoughts of a recovering soul

Good day everyone. lets get right to it shall we? I look for inspiration everywhere I can. Conversation with others, people watching,  my favorite music. I love getting lost in music. I has always been very easy for myself. Lately I have been struggling with morning routines and staying engaged. My "isims" have been beating the crap outta me. But through my music I have found some inspiration.
   Unfortunately I am working outta town right now. Fortunately the fellow I am rooming and working with, for the most part, understands me and my words and actions. Over the last while i believe we have built a great friendship. I am very thankful for him and his time spent. We were talking the other night, after work, and I was like "I haven't done a blog in such a long time because, I don't know how to write these blogs. What if I have nothing in the kung fu realm to write about?" The response I recieved was  simple but powerful one. "Just be you! Don't worry about others and what they say. this is your journey. All of it! So just be you" That's wierd that sounds a lot like the things that sifu told me. Some days I am scared to just be me. Opening up has always been my Achilles tendon or heel or whatever the phrase is. Concerned about others may think, I sometimes have a tendency to stay inside my head. Therefore becoming lost in my music is so easy. Well I hope you enjoy the rest of the blog.
  I have got to remember I came to I Ho Chaun all because of an idea. An idea that I can be who I want to be, if I can see my potential. I know one day  I am going to be him. I continue to put on the foil and fight my fears and my ego. "Yeah get back in my head ego, rise again fear. I will keep grabbing at myself screaming. Yeah that's right, fights on punk." Lets get brutally honest for a moment. some days I run and hide from this fight and I think that I am not worth the opportunities to train in Silent River. But my heart and my spirit tell me "This too shall pass!"
   Hopefully this journey takes ten thousand hours and beyond. I do desire the blood, sweat, and tears. I Ho Chaun is becoming my world and my arena. The nay-sayers can try to tell me different, but I won't believe them. Sometimes I feel like I keep falling, falling back again. And the rain keeps crashing, crashing down on me. And I just fought outta this place. With blind faith, I keep thanking him, for my clean soul. I continue to fight for my life even though sometimes, it feels like my boat keeps sinking and there is no sea left for me.
   The push-ups, the sit-ups and the routines will continue to come. I have the desire and the drive. Its funny I beat myself up about not being able to smash out all sorts of reps, but I cease to remember that I have never done anything with this kind of commitment like this before.
   I completely embrace the teachings of my sifus and sihings. They have my trust and my respect. I Ho Chaun doesn't scare me. My mind scares me. I embrace this journey It excites me every time I think or talk about Kung Fu. I do understand that I have the drive and the courage inside of me. My job is to continue drawing that energy out of me.
   And remember, a life lived for art is not a life wasted.

Thank you for your time. Humbly yours
    Mr.Duncan