Say what?

Good day to you there. Have you seen outside? Holy fantastic there people.
   So this week was a good one. On site for sixty hours. Travel time of around eighteen hours. Whoa. Eighty hours just involved in work and travel to and from work? Yup, you betcha. That's part of being in the trade I am involved with. This isn't some weak at heart nine to five shelf stocking gig. This is a lifestyle. The only lifestyle I know. I come from a family of ironworkers. Third generation to be exact. And damn proud of it. Our trade demands our blood, sweat and tears. Though if you are caught crying on site, you get to go hold hands with the lesser trades. Every morning, I am out the door by five thirty at the latest. Most nights, I do not see home until between eight and nine. Usually closer to nine. Those nights that I do not have to attend kung fu class, I need to make a decision. Do I eat dinner now, or do I go hang with my boys. The last thing they want to do is sit at the kitchen table and watch me eat. So, I opt out to hang with them for an hour or so, before they go to bed. So, I am lucky if I get to warm up my dinner around eight thirty. By the time I finish dinner and have a shower, I am whipped. To be honest with you, the last thing I am going to do, is push-ups or sit-ups. That equals burnt out willie at work the next day. That is very dangerous. If, for example, I am too tired to concentrate on my job, it will equal serious injury or death. Not a blood blister. Hopefully its just a broken bone or a sprained ankle. But a fall from a height, if you are lucky, the smallest injury you receive is a concussion. Whether you are tied off or not, it is going to hurt, Badly. Safety systems are designed to save your life. It is like the knife defense theory. There will be blood and it will be yours!! Not keep you comfortable while you free fall until your harness and lanyard catches you, and snaps your head and limbs in whatever direction down is. I have fallen, and it hurts. A lot. I have hit the dirt from the anchor bolts giving out on a colum I was on.  Ribs, shoulder, head and kidneys on fire. knee and hip is killing me and I felt like lying on the ground. But, being stubborn and reckless, I jumped back up brushed the snow and dirt off of me, gave a fake smile, reset the colum, on those terrible anchor bolts and carried on. The job must go on. I will rest later. I took a quick look around and saw I missed a few chunks of rebar sticking straight up about three feet long. You know, we all had a laugh on site. I changed my soiled drawers and climbed that colum again. This time, we tied to back though. Haha. Absolutely insane. But, it is the most fun a guy can have at work. trying to walk a beam that is four or six inches wide while its trying to buck you off, and there is another chuck of iron flying in at your head and you need to catch this on beam while watching your step, and staying balanced enough for the wind, the crane and the iron trying to ruin your day and kick you butt off the high iron. Or you get the "easy" gig on site, like dragging and placing thirty or so sheets of decking that weight in around a sixty to seventy pounds a sheet. Usually with a partner, sometimes by yourself. It really depends on the day at hand. My tool belt weighs in around thirty to fourty pounds, depending on the tools I need and the tasks at hand. So, at the end of the day, physically and mentally I am whipped. I have little to no energy left. But, then there are kung fu classes. Now, I gottaq kick it into high gear again. and train as hard as I can. After class, if I am lucky, I can keep my eyes open for the ride home. Fortunately, I have an awesome sifu that understands, because he has been there and done that. So, I push harder because he gets it. My reward is a shiny new belt, that I bled for. I feel, I truly earned that s.o.b.
    Now, the question is begging to be answered. Why am I telling you people this? Well, since Friday night and hearing a few comments about commitment to the team, I am fired up, and a tad disappointed, in the lack of understanding, and in the comments themselves. Its not as easy as quitting the job, or taking Saturday afternoon off. I start to do that, and I will be able to train all day every day, because I WILL be un-employed. There are people who want my job, but I will not give anyone the pleasure of having my gig. Its mine and I have worked way too hard to get this job and build my professional reputation to where it is today. I do not care or agree with the subtle little comments. Oh just kidding thrown in there to make yourself feel better about running off about something you do not understand. Yeah I am pissed about my form not looking as good as it should, but I am doing all that I can, and that is all on me. I know that very much. Guess what the show will go on, with or without me. I get it. If you do not like it, try for a week to walk a mile in my shoes, and I guarantee, ninety-five percent of you out there will not make three days. Our jobs is to break each other and then build each other up as solid, reliable ironworkers. Most people could not handle our humor, let alone the heights and elements we face.
   Am I saying I have it harder than anyone else? Heck no. What I am saying is this. This is my journey and right now, I can not give the time and energy, every one thinks I should. I will not apologize for my jobs hours being sporadic at the best of times. During this time of the year, our hours always take off. That's when the money happens, this is always when the push from above comes. In the winter. I have heard all year, oh its okay, we will fit in what we can, where we can. Then do it. with out the snappy remarks. That would be nice. It really hits a guy in the gut, when all summer there was nothing but lovy dovey, hanging about with no real plan on executing demos and dances. Except for a few of us, there all the time. Now, I have had a conversation with sifu about this and I completely understand why, the dragon can not happen in the summer, but, it doesn't mean I like it. It doesn't mean I have to agree with it.
   Merely, I am trying to inform all of you of what is honestly going on in my world. It is a lot more than I have read or heard from a lot of people all year.
    So, for next year, I will be implementing changes. Some drastic, some not so much. I.H.C. class is on Thursday nights. Because of another program as I have mentioned before, I will not be able to attend every class. I am hoping for once a month. I now fully and understand the value of this being my journey. Make it what I want to. Be as involved as I want to. I will be involved, just as a very back seat role. That's nothing new, as of late.
   So, with all that being said, I hope I did not insult or hurt anyone. Those where not my intentions. I needed it off my chest and outta my mind, so I did not say something that would really cause problems. Then I thought, heck, this is my blog, to blog about who I am and where I am at. So, there ya go. Honestly I am not trying to throw down with anyone or create disappointment anywhere with anyone. And truly, most disappointments is from placing your expectations on others. Its human nature to let others down when expectations are placed on others. I will never be able to match your expectations. That's why I try to never use that word. Both are internal problems. So, as I above mentioned, this is where I am and this is who I am. I tried hard to keep things to myself and take it out on the heavy bag, but I can only take so many comments before, I explain myself. I thought long and hard about, ignoring those comments and writing some silly blog and spewing some crude about being inspired or repeating the same sentence thirty times before signing off, or some bibble babble like that. Or.... I can be honest with everyone, and express some words on this impersonal screen.


Thanks for your time and I will see you soon.
Mr.Duncan

Lessons

   Well happy Sunday everyone! How was everyone's week? Mine was busy. We pushed hard to make deadlines at work and we met them. The crew pulled together and managed to smash off this floor. Was a nice feeling and good to see. As the week wore on, everybody got tired and started to make things personal I guess. But, we managed to hold it together until the end. It's a kindergarten class at times, but that's the challenge. Not falling to those lower plateaus if you might. Truly I'm just there for a cheque. I'd rather be almost any where other than work, but hey it's a necessary evil. I am just not fond of the games people like to play. Trying to hoop another for personal reasons. Because you don't like that I stand up for myself. And I will tell you what I think of you when pushed into a corner. This week, I kept it real and when was being lashed at, I smiled. I nodded. Karma did come back and the fellow him tried to screw me out of two weeks pay came out looking like the fool. That was very satisfying. No pissing matches and no verbal assaults. I think I took it like a champ. I had my own opportunity to speak my side to the right people, not throwing random emails to random people. Later this week, I watched people try to screw another because they have this feeling of repented insignificance. I was thoroughly disgusted, with what I watched happen. I don't like to get involved but I was watching a friend get put down for some, again, personal reasons and gain. Not cool. So I informed the said individuals of what might come. I didn't like getting involved, but I will not stand idle when my friends are getting hooped.
    Out of these events that transpired at work, I learnt some very valuable lessons. And some very valuable morals where re-enforced in my mind. Ego and pride. The usual killers of self-respect. Both events mentioned, killed respect of others. The last thing you want to do in my business is show the colours of a rat. That will kill your job possibilities. It hurts the professional reputation of the culprits. Now, what can I learn from this. If I have a problem with someone, the most professional and personal way of dealing with it, is approaching the person, and discussing it like humans. If that doesn't go well, then, I need to pause and ask myself this very important question. Is this going to matter in a day, or a week? If the answer is no, then maybe, the issue is something to do with me inside. Not the other person. Jealousy or something else is the burning issue. And maybe I should not be witch hunting to make myself feel better.
    Something else this week is that I had another great chance to work with a friend from Thursday nights. I have learnt from the mistakes from last time I worked with a fellow. I stayed open and receptive, but I laid out clear guidelines and boundaries. With the last guy, maybe I did I not lay it out there clear enough. Maybe. So today, I made sure things where very black and white. I made sure, there was no miscommunication. I expressed that if guidelines are not followed and adhered to, I would not be chasing him down. We had a fantastic conversation for a few hours and I feel things went well.  He was asking all sorts of questions.  Great stuff, I see what Sifu means now. When people ask questions it really shows engagement. I was trying to give my knowledge of a program, and he was honestly trying to pick it up. Woot woot.
     Kung fu again was awesome this week.  Working on some grappling in class and I'm enjoying it. It's a good challenge of the basics. Each shoulder roll, should be hopefully, better than the last. Also, I incorporated a new move into my stick form and was really nervous about practicing it this late in the game. originally I was going to leave it out, but out of guidance of someone saying, just do it. I'm making it work. Things looked not bad, but defiantly lots and lots of practice is needed. But, ya know what, I feel great about it and it's going to turn out ask. I know it. So onward with you. onward.  Keep going, no need to stop now. I'm excited for next year, but that is next year. let's keep thing in the right perspective and keep focused on what is at hand.  Today. I am really excited for  the monkey year. I have a feeling it's going to be another great year for Kung fu folks.
    And having kids at class Friday night was really nice. I was so excited I forgot to take care of the things I said I would do Friday night. Pick up my stuff and drop off molla for the banquet. Haha. Oops. Next week.

   But in any event, i guess that's it for now. I hope to see everyone shortly.
Humbly yours
Mr.Duncan

Just a Whole Bunch of Awesomeness

Great morning to all today. How was your week? Mine was good. Back to slaving away making money. At least we get sundays off, for now. I do not mind working these heavy hours well, because, it wont last forever. Will barley last until summer. So its only a few months. That's okay. I'm sure I will be just fine. Hopefully I can save a bunch of cash and have a great summer again. If I save my cash!!
   So, unfortunately I missed the meeting on Saturday where the new and old teams have been brought into one meeting to introduce everyone. So welcome everyone. I promise, this will be the best days of your lives. I'm looking forward to meeting everyone. It's weird, I'm excited to meet new people. Last year at this time, I was quite content on not meeting people. I was happy in my bubble, for the most part. Today, through this challenge, I have learnt to embrace new people. It is a new challenge, for myself, to introduce myself to new people. I get to learn new things about new people. That's neat-o.
    Kung fu this week has been great. That Christmas break was really what a guy needed. I feel strong and confident in myself again. All I needed was a nice break away from everyone and everything. I got this thing I have been working on for a while now. Which is the ability to throw three disastrous punches in one second. Then once I stomp that goal into the ground, I will work towards four bone smashing punches in one second. From there.... as many proper and precise punches as humanly possible. But, for now, I am floating around 1.2 - 1.5 seconds right now. And, these punches have to be as picture perfect as I can achieve them. Not, just sloppy sticking my hand out there. So on class Friday night, I had an awesome opportunity to pick Sifu Hayes's mind. I definitely learnt a few new things and had a bunch of "ohh, that's how that works" moments. His biggest piece of advice is loosen up. Speed and power will come from being and staying loose. I really enjoyed spending the majority of the class listening to his experience, strength and hope.  He, maybe un-knowingly, gave me some more inspiration for my quitting smoking mission. Since we are on that topic, I have managed to cut my intake in half again! Last year, I was a heavy pack a day, maybe more, depending on my mood. Before chirstmas, was a half pack, today, I'm around a half a half pack. So 6-8 a day. Friday, my best day in a long time, I had six before the class and one after. Not too bad at all! But, even in saying that, I can do better. Sifu Csillag threatened to kick me once, for every smoke I had for the day! I don't want to get kicked, so I have to continue to make this happen. But, I also, got some insight from that conversation with sifu. Everyone is dealing with something like I am. Just a different pile. Some people its food. Some booze. Some material obsessions. So, it is freeing to realize that everyone has a crutch of some sort and I don't need to be so uptight about my own vices.
    The hardest part is all the little triggers. Horns honking in traffic, boom I want to light up. Grabbing a coffee, my morning commute, evening commute, finishing a meal, having a tea, having a conversation, talking on the phone, meeting new people, sitting idle for a split second. All triggers. I could honestly write a blog on just the triggers, but that would be boring. One part of this habit that really baffles me, is besides the health issues, I do enjoy smoking. Honestly if it wasn't so terrible and it was just some tobacco rolled in some papers, I wouldn't be bothered by it. Its all the chemicals that go into it. If you have ever had a clean smoke, its really not that bad. Its not full of chemicals and stuff, they are actually pretty tasty. But, alas, they are full of stuff and I will not spend twenty bucks a pack so I can feel good about my smoking. That's absurd.
    I have noticed a lot of health issues, and things contributed to smoking now that I have been anal about my intake. Not just the breathing, but when I go for a long time with out one, I get dizzy, a little light-headed. Cant think right. Putting sentences together, I've been stuttering if I haven't had a smoke for a while.  I don't quite understand that, but its happening. Shaking. If I go for a long period of time, I get shaky. It feels like I was out drinking the night before. On the positive side of things, we have to climb a whack of stairs at work and I see guys stopping on the way to catch their breath. I said to myself, I need to be gasping for air and near puking before some stairs will stop me from reaching the top. So I will not pause for a second while climbing the stairs. Lungs and legs on fire and I still got nine more floors to go. I got an army unit's chant running through my mind. "left, left. left right left." I will not be one of those guys who need to stop after thirty stairs. I will leave them in the dust. I get to class and I feel like I can kick the rafters, my lungs feel so good. And that feeling will only grow as I continue to eliminate cigarettes from my system. I do love how invigorated I feel lately. This is the best my lungs have ever felt.
     Sifu Brinker will ask the group, are you in the best shape of your life?  Well, physically, maybe not, I've been stronger and faster at other times in my life. Spiritually? Yes, this is the strongest my spirit has ever been in. Mentally? My mind is becoming healthier at exponential rates. I still have days of self-doubt, but, its okay. That tells me I have something to learn from that thought. I have more courage and confidence, then I have ever had in my life. And that right there makes me answer, yes. Yes this is the best shape of my life. And guess what? It is only going to get better. I will only get physically stronger and faster. I will only get more confident, as long as I stay the course. Whoo!
     Right now, I feel on fire man. Kung fu is flying on all cylinders. I am putting together blueprints of an awesome weapon that I would like to build. I just have to figure out the intricacies of springs and swivels and locks. If I can figure this weapon out and build a working prototype, man that's some journeyman stuff right there. Shh, its a secret! Don't tell the cops. Hahaha. Also, there are rough drafts of escrima running through my mind, with new ideas coming almost hourly. Ahh yeah boy! But, I got to remember to keep those ideas in the back of my mind until after the new year. I can not forget, that I still have this awesome stick form to get as awesome as I can before the banquet. We still have people's minds to blow. The dragon dance looks amazing. Dragon team is doing awesome. Oiy, I just wanted to mention that holy loud. That new drum! Wow! I could not hear Sifu Ryback two feet from me over that drum. I'm deaf, but not that bad! I need to wear earplugs while that thing is getting smashed on.


So, I guess that is everything for now. Again, welcome to the new monkey teammates. I look forward to train with all of you and getting to know a couple more people.
Well, thank you for your time and your thoughts.
Humbly yours,
Mr.Duncan

Reality Check

Well, its sunday again and that means work is tomorrow. What a wonderful time we as a family has had. Lots of days hanging in pj bottoms and playing. Its those times that really make me grateful to be a dad. Its time spent like that, that make me proud. I was able to spend time with kido, that's always a great time. Times like the above mentioned are only as amazing and awesome because they are so far and few between. Its been a while since I could just sit and play on the floor. Always something or somewhere to go. Not this break. I put the phone away and was only worried about what was happening here in my home. That's was the gift.  The gift of my family.
    We used this break as an opportunity to fight off colds and sickness, and to just plain rest. I feel awesome. Slept in and stayed up late, with coffees and nerf wars. Or we would build legos. Or deck hockey or skating, you see what I mean. What a time it was, as well. Monopoly until eleven on new years. Everyone is re-charged, myself included.
   Today, is the reality check. Here I am says the world, gently knocking on the front door. Right, then tomorrow is the front door getting kicked in!!! haha. I feel good. Today is the last day of smoking. Ha. Awesome. Its okay though. There is still this huge side of me, just screaming at me, like "what are you doing, no no. you neeeed to get smokes man. How will you cope with your day?" Its gonna be okay. My body does not want to smoke anymore. I feel sick when smoking but, for this              un-benounced reason, my mind is force feeding me smokes, and I have played along. I have really taken note on my habit and triggers. With certain tasks, I can alleviate the feelings and urges, but, the thought, there's no way I can go without smoking for like a day. That's insane, would sneak in. So I would "save" my smoking for the evening. But in my mind its five-o-clock, somewhere! These two weeks, I have had a great chance to really notice the triggers. And wow, there are a lot. With a lot of these habits and triggers, I really see the pattern behind them now. As much of an insight it might be its still a filthy little habit. A lot of the things I thought I figured out about smoking, while smoking, where things I already knew. Its just the action the has me handcuffed. My in-ability to stop lighting them little sticks if death.  I have had little victories, like, a week, or a couple of days, but, I always run back to them. Its so weird. I have given my self-control and self-will to a little thing. Lets think about this for a second. This little bundle of tobacco and chemicals wrapped in a piece of paper, that's smaller than my pinkey, has so much power over me. I can crush twenty-five in one hand, at once, but, I can not, not smoke them? What is that? So, all the hype, all the hot air I have pushed outta my face comes down to tonight. I feel good about this day. I feel confident in my decision. I will beat this like I did every other addiction. I really am sick of dropping the ball here. One day at a time, but more importantly, one moment at a time.
   Once I have the moments figured out then maybe, I can worry about the future.


Okay dokay everyone, I am gonna peace out for the day. I will see you soon.
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan