It’s still not sunday

 Hey guys. Straight to the point. Smoking is going rough. I haven’t had a full 24 hrs yet. The first one in the morning and the last smoke of the day are the two just kicking the tar into me. Haha. See what I did there. Those are the smokes I really really want! As gross as this is I really crave this stick of tar and stuff...mmm yummy! The plan is supposed to be no smokes at all...nailed it...in the wrong spot, upside down oh and a touch of backwards! Just terrible at life some times! 

It’s okay. Today’s a good day. My desire to quit is still extremely high and it’s getting harder and harder to light the smokes. It’s just first thing and right before bed! I just twitch and sweat and toss, but if I have even a puff, I go to sleep, with defeat in my thoughts. I’m not overly sure what had happened, but, maybe I wasn’t as committed as I hoped I was!! Full of fear still!?! Honestly, I had these massively high hopes of saying “hey team, I’m smoke free for a week...” I’m close I’m so close! 

There were a few days where I was so confused, just straight frustrated. Woke up in weird moods. I kinda just paced around the house. I will not speak, just so negative and mean spirited. In the plan when the urge to smoke hits, I either jump on the bike, play with dog, terrorize my neighborhood or smash some water. Works well, but, I mean, it’s probably the 25 years of experience I have in smoking that keeps slowing me down and finding excuses as to why this is hard!! These nasty little routines that you don’t realize until bam, oh that’s a trigger as well! Huh!?  Where did this come from? Okay. Keep an eye on that! I think it was Wednesday, I was so confused and had this massive headache, I just had no idea what was happening! Spins and lightheaded ness and feeling nauseous, I was so angry I felt like crying and screaming in the same sentence. I got on the bike and just kinda sat there? What’s the point? It was extremely stressful. Couldn’t calm down went into a minor panic attack mode, sentences where incoherent, thoughts where sporadic....good gracious it was terrible! Thursday I felt like someone ran me over with a lawnmower...I’ve felt okayish ever since....I think maybe I flawed my plan a bit when I got the operations done and decided to quit in the same week! That ability to not go move and do stuff I feel was maybe not the beat idea! Aaarrrrgggggg as the pirates say! 

This week will be better! It’s gonna be okay! This is learning and growing. Pull the pin man! I keep going into panic mode and my heartbeat jumps and my breathing shallows and I just get stuck in thought! Cold sweaty fear filled moments in time, how you stress me! If stress was a person, yes you know what I’m gonna say! Breath man breath! 

Anyhow...I wish I had more great news to report and talk about, but, I guess I needed to crap the bed last week. I do not know. I did just celebrate my birthday! That was cool! We went and checked out some live wrestling on Saturday night...boy is that ever different now....50 people max and a very small center! Don’t care I’m out of the house watching live wrestling!! Only way it could be better is if I was in the matches! Honestly I had more fun with the smaller setup. I’d go again! Of course I would it’s live wrestling!! Vampiro, my main wrestler from years past was supposed to be at this event, but, travel restrictions and Covid had changed those plans! In fact the entire show wasn’t established until like a week before and the card still changed! Three matches were dropped last minute! You gotta give it to these small guys doing everything they can to try to survive! Everyone was masked up and respectful of personal space!!  We, as a family, had an absolute blast and my youngest boy is a great heckler! Natural talent! Don’t know where he gets it from!! You should have heard him! Talking trash to all the wrestlers! He had every single wrestler interact with him in one way or another and his smile was so big!!! I was so proud of him! We did have a quick chat about keeping the trash talking clean...do it, it’s part of the show, keep it clean though! I’ve honestly been in fan chants “say your sorry” at other fans! Don’t be rude! 

Even when you talk trash to wrestlers, they still are just playing a part! Personally, I’m not one to take digs at your body, but your getup? An obvious size difference? That’s fair game! You’re swagger your accent the way you stand it all means something and it’s all fair game! Remember though, the wrestler give back!! 

I’ve had a few good word battles with managers and wrestlers alike! You have too! It’s part of the show! One night, we should go! There are weekly shows in Edmonton, put on by small local clubs! Just let me know! 

One of the best bdays ever! Front row seating, there where only two rows... Couldn’t really go and meet and greet these people, but, I still got to hang out and chat with some really seasoned veterans I’ve never really heard about! And the one fella was from Calgary! I did feel kinda bad about not knowing him, like at all, but I’m sure he’s fine! There is some wrestling I don’t watch and he was on one of those shows. Can’t watch it all. I damn near do though!! It was a very different experience and I still loved it! Masks and all I don’t care let me just have some fun!!!

Anyhow, I’m going to go back to my withdrawals and ride my bike! Hopefully I don’t feel like crawling outta my skin all day again   

Okay bye for now!

Mr.Duncan

Today is a new start.

 Hey there. Yeah another blog is almost as many days. I gotta stick to the plan. I blog Sunday’s, not the other days. It’s the little things in the next few weeks that will make the difference.  

 I have today left in my days of smoking. Yes TODAY is the last day. I originally wanted to wait until my bday, but this plan is working great. Start the work week off strong and smoke free. I really haven’t been smoking a lot and I feel confident about this decision. Man do I hate smoking! This taste. This smell. Stupid little sticks of death. Seriously, if a cigarette was a person I’d Hulk-smash their face into a wall... Amazing how something I can literally crush into nothing in my hand, I’ve given so much of my life to. An infant can do that. But yet, I allowed it to have control over me. I let the cigarettes decide my health and future. From today on, No dwelling just stepping!

To be honest I was at my folks the other day and my dad is a life time smoker, listening to him gasp and weeze and not able to finish his sentences without taking a gulp of air...oh good...look at what I get to look forward to...crying in the rain. I have very consciously looked at the disgusting side of smoking. I’ve forced myself to contemplate what will happen to me. Real conversations with myself. Is this what I want in life? Is this my legacy? Is this what I want for myself? I’ve already proved I can’t hit the requirements in Kung fu as a smoker....

Oh fire engines no! My past will not define my destiny. I will not be taken down by this. Maybe the long terms effects, but, not today! I’ll fight like heck to get through this. And truly, from everyone I’ve talked with that has quit, it’s simply a decision. A real good friend of mine is like, “dude, make a decision and run with it. Make up your mind. Decide, Will, if this is how you want to die...”

No it’s not! I’ve punched my way outta much worse situations! I’ve gotten away from the heavy drugs, I’ve curb stomped booze, this is the last fight. Friends I’m in the ring with a 19 year old Mike Tyson, he’s busting my ribs, can’t breath, getting dark but guess what? Hold up change up I’m not Trevor Berbick! It’s me Willy D! It’s not the second round. It’s my round. Ha I’m so excited teammates! I can’t wait to show everyone how I can breath! I don’t even know what’s it’s like. We’re gonna learn so much! I can’t wait to not only keep up in class, but start to excel in my personal performance! I can’t wait to be able to take a lung full of O2! I can’t wait! 

Show my boys there’s nothing stopping you from achieving what you want, it’s just gonna take work. Could make you wanna cry, maybe want to have a meltdown, maybe even make you want to quit trying! Maybe, it’s up to the individual to destroy their demons and address their shortcomings! That’s right boys your success rests squarely on your shoulders, no one else’s. it’s not up to your teachers to make you succeed, it’s all on you. We are just here to try and guide and encourage and show a path that isn’t full of treachery. Let me show you a path that won’t kill you and your soul boys!  You don’t have to see it, just please believe in a easier way. Hard work, commitment, and never quit on yourself! 

If only I could hear my own advice sometimes.... well....time to lead by example. Done enough talking about it

See you soon team

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Hey you guys....

 Well well well! How’s things today? I gotta apologize for the late blog, and so here it shall appear!! Let there be blogs...and such it happens! 

I continued work on my form this past week. Got some good solid reps in. Feeling better. Just gotta keep working on the stamina. Riding the bike and simply doing my push ups and sit ups. Nothing fancy. I, well, don’t have a lot to report. It’s was just one of those weeks. Not much happened, but, I got a fair bit accomplished! I did put in a new floor in the living room and hall way!! Bam!! Fantastic!! Finished with two hours before I had dr appointments! 

   And such, now, with these small surgeries I have just had, I really have to slow down. I made a joke to the dr, seeing if he’d be interested in restitching me on a daily basis, because sitting still isn’t what I do! Hahaha! He smiled and chuckled, sure, I could use the practice he says!! Hahaha. Oh boy, do me up like a zipper Doc!! Hahaha. Oh it was a good day. I did find out though, about myself that, I am a quiet fella when anticipating, but when I’m nervous I’m a chatterbox! Just on and on and on. It was a very conscience decision to try to be quiet, but, it didn’t work out that well! I also found out my dr is a wrestling fan too!! I’m like you're an even better dr now!! I’m always coming here! Good times! 

For the rest of today, honestly I’m going to watch some horror flicks and Bret Hart matches. I finally found a copy of the rob zombie version of Halloween and I’m super excited to watch it again! I absolutely love rob zombies re-make of this movie. He nails it. He gets right into micheal’s head, gives the viewer a glimpse of that mans mind and that’s what is so scary about that movie. I mean, he turned to oh of killers into even more of a monster! I’ll drink that up. John Carpenter did a fantastic reboot when he did the 30year anniversary of Halloween. All three I think are fantastic! So, what’s you’re favourite scary type of movie? Doesn’t have to be as intense! Maybe Scooby-Doo does Halloween is good! Maybe that’s intense enough for you and that’s super cool! I just wanna hear about it, please. 

If I could I’d put one of those gifs Shia LaBeouf screaming do it! Just pretend that is here! Okay!!

Any font, I have the next weekish to get all healed up and then I can get back into training like I desire! Patience though. Patience. This is a good lesson in slowing down and paying attention to my body. I’m getting older like all of us and I don’t recover from broken hands in a few days anymore, in fact those old breaks really bother me today. And right around this temp the body goes into pain mode and the next few months, until spring comes back, I’ll live with a constant uncomfortable lingering pain in my body! That’s okay, this is why I’ve been spending so much time at the doctors lately. Help with the unneeded pain! I want to be healthy, and my own little desire to self implode is slowly going away. I kind of actually want to be apart of my kids adult lives. I really want to see retirement. Truly I do! Never cared for it before, but then alas, I was challenged to look at things with more gratitude! Really stop and honestly look! Fine I will. Huh? This is kinda really cool! This..is...interesting to say the least. I don’t really have words to explain my thoughts. Maybe later.  

Honestly, I’m not just faking it until I make it. I am really coming back outta this depression on fire and I’m feeling good about me. These surgeries, really kinda kick started my self esteem. I don’t have this “stuff and thoughts” lingering in the back of my mind and if I don’t hear from my dr I the next few weeks, I am all good!! Only a few more weeks of uneasiness. Doctor is confident all is well, everything looks “okay”, just gotta be patient for results! Hahaaaaaa

My smoking date is coming up fast and furious and I’m scared as hell. I got this. I have an awesome support network, I have Kung fu and I have the desire to stop. The drugs I’ve stopped doing, the booze I’ve stayed away from, the nasty habits I’ve broke. The results are already coming in from slowing down. My strength feels great! Easily winded still, but that will come with time. Hard to do anything when you can’t breath...40 some more hours of this. I have to stick to the plan no matter my weakest moment. I must or I will not see retirement. It’s in stone, the words have been spoken, the orders are being filled it’s time to let my inner lights shine brightly and realize this potential. It’s time  

 Teammates, friends, children of all ages. The last of it shall soon be over. Freedom from the past, and a complete new chapter in my life. That last little fibre from the past is soon to be cut. Hold on tight and tuck your chins! This is gonna be fantastic! 

Well, I’m in pain enough to go lay down and watch some sweet stuff. 

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan 

Halloween

 Hey hey hey! It’s Sunday funday!! Boy, I had a good week. A real good week. Started kinda blah and slow, but, I got a text outta the blue out from a solid cat that always hangs out in my corner! Just wanting to see how I am! Huh?!? That’s cool. I have had some health issues if you may. Found out it was nothing serious, but, I was worried, thankfully it’s a whole bunch of nothing to be worried about! Whew!!!

This past little bit has been a serious test. A test in a just about every aspect of my life. From being tested with kids, to family to random strangers. I do believe I’ve done fairly well. There’s a few conversations I wish that didn’t explode in my face, but, such is life. Maybe one day, when honesty is a real thing, we can build a relationship. Living in lies and refusing to listen to the other side makes for a very trying relationship. I haven’t given up. I won’t give up! 

   One thing I want to talk about was Thursday’s class. Intention was brought up and an uneasiness of striking our training partners. The conversation got me thinking again. If I train to pull punches and to limit myself during my training, when real life happens all I’m going to have is practiced pulled punches. In my opinion, I will not have the muscle memory in a fight situation to place proper strikes and take control of a situation. When we train with our partners, no no we don’t blast and injure each other. No we don’t train to see who is better. We train with respect! We train to learn. I don’t want to hurt you, but I do want to know this technique! Therefore a sense of realism has to come out. So, I feel anyhow, when a level of comfort is achieved by both training partners, intensity with control has to go up. Otherwise, you’re left training at half speed and realistically you will only ever achieve maybe half of your complete awesomeness. As we master these techniques we should be able to step up intensity with little to no fear of hurting our training partner. That’s why we train the same moves over and over. 

 I was worried about flow in some of my techniques. Especially the knife hand sweep, followed by the punch and dragon whip kick! It just kinda felt weird. I mean, I feel like the body is moving off on an angle in the form and not straight forward. So, after asking for help, things look decent, everything looks okay, just keep practicing. So, I have and, I found, maybe I’m off, but, I found that the sweeping knife hand and following punch almost have flow off of centrelines! So, sure I’m striking an opponent in front of me, but, the flow of that knife hand forces myself and my opponent off to one side. That punch simply follows suit in your direction! I wanted to know more, to the heavy bag. After some time of knife hand punch, knife hand punch, I believe I found that meaning. 

    Let’s looks at force vectors and intention for a second. Stay with me!! Let’s put realism here. You want my stuff! I warn you no too, but, You have your guards up approaching me to take my stuff. Sink in and send that knife hand out there. Whatever direction I take your guards with that opening knife hand IS the direction my vector is going. Your vector is coming straight at me. Simple physics states, two colliding vectors will combine into one and send both energies into a new direction, in our case off on an angle, towards and away from me. The dragons whip, follows our center. It chases that punch. It goes where our shoulders and hips point. SO, therefore, if I apply this technique properly, if taken in the rotation of the earth versus the moon and compared that to the sun and crushed the math on the meteor coming towards us, I have to be moving or attacking on a angle, otherwise I choke my own techniques off and my training is for nothing. 

Well, I sure hope that makes sense! It made mud clear for me!

   “Kung fu gives my punches a purpose. In order to maintain my purpose, I have to learn my intentions behind that punch. Leaning about my intentions teaches me about my motives for throwing that punch. My motives teaches me who I am for the day!” 

I do have a question for the team! It’s a very very serious question! Take it serious or Mr.Thursday Night might have to come out and see ya... HALLOWEEN!!!! 

   What are your plans? What is your family doing? I have been celebrating Halloween for a few weeks now! The house isn’t decked out or anything yet! I’m just going out dressed as my favourite. The OG of thrilling and killing, the true Boogeyman, the Silent Stabber Mr.Halloween himself the one the only Mr.Mike Myers! 

   Yes I have been going out dressed as Mike Myers! Hey, dogs gotta get walked and played with! Seriously, once august ends it’s Halloween season. If we can have six months of Xmas, we can have two months of Halloween. Haha. But the looks and reactions I’ve gotten!! Just fantastic. I legit had this old boy pull his car over on Main Street just to give me dirty looks!! Haha. Most people laugh and wave after crossing the street...I just do the slow turn and stare!! I’ll stand in my front yard wearing my mask staring at traffic coming into town...people slow down alright! Get the wave or honk and I stare!! Hahahaha. Oh goodness I love having fun. I told you, I’m different. Oh hahah. Check this out. I have a spot for the mask in the kitchen, so when it’s dark outside and you come into the kitchen, the reflection of Myers is in the window looking down at you...scares the kids every time!!!! Hahaha. Oh I’m going to pay for this down the line!!!! I have a plan for my kids. I got this fog machine and strobe light that my boys like setting up in the back yard okay! And the trampoline is set up in the back corner of the yard...it’s dark no light behind the trampoline. I have all black gear. 

I train for these moments in life.......

Hahahaha!!! 

Okay have a great day everyone! I’ll see you soon

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan