Onwards!

 Hey there!! What’s going on today? I literally just figured how to change the font of my blogs....isn’t that something! Ahh, boy! 

Okay, so how was everyone’s week? Yeah!?! Good stuff! Mine? Oh it was very productive! In all sorts of ways! Like I took steps in every aspect of my life this week! Very productive. 

In the mass amount of free time I’ve found myself with, I picked up my acoustic guitar and tuned it up and starting playing again! I’ve had this thing just sitting in my garage for...well it’s always just sat there! I’ve been scared to learn this guitar, because I, like many, find passion in music! For whatever reason, wishing and not doing where so engrained in my old ways! Another form of the arts I excelled at! I took bass lessons when a child, but that’s it! The rest has been strumming and watching! Exciting!! 

Hand forms are getting stronger! Still staying focused on DMH and Loa Gar. I’d like to get things looked again this week. Good thing I’ve gotten one on ones booked. Confidence is growing in my movements again. 

Weapons forms! Well, it’s interesting. I’m looking at “solidifying” some movements and such! I think this week, I should focus on getting a few movements locked in and move on for now! I’m just having a blast swinging these little whooping sticks around!! 

School is great! I’m getting high marks still, well for me, low ninties, but, I’m hitting my time lines. I’ve been letting myself get distracted from my number one goal right now! I’m glad I caught on here before I really fell down that hill. Back to slowly going through the books. Gotta quit rushing myself and placing false expectations, or more so; worrying about what hasn’t happened yet...anyhow. 

I took a huge step in quitting smoking. I finished the book! Exclaimed proudly I no longer smoke! 22hrs later, I had a smoke and exclaimed wtf...it was mentioned to me to continue re-reading my book until things became solid! I have been taking action; and for a moment of weakness, I lit up again...I know tell me about it.

Anyhow, these times of not smoking are actually quite the freeing time! It was pretty eye opening. The book I’m reading has been very powerful in changing my thoughts and the way I perceive a smoke. What this addiction truly is, what is truly honestly happening! I got this!! Things are re-arranging and the ones I’ve had, I smoke very conscientious; I purposely pay full attention to everything my body says to me. There’s a lot of smokes lit and simply left to burn out! 

Any other ways, I feel good about everything! Outside of the death darts, life’s been real good, and I’m grateful for that! Training is “easy” for now, I’ve got time...man do I have free time. 

So I guess I’m off for now!! 

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Thumbs up!!

 Fresh week ahead of us! Rat is completely and utterly over with now!! All done! Uhh finally! Anyhow, I’m really pumped for the year of the ox! First and foremost; I was really grateful to have been apart of the new year celebrations, as virtual as it was! I really appreciate the hard work and piles of time everyone invested! Our schools new black belts!! You’re speeches where awesome to hear! Great work! All the black belt promotions, was really cool to see and hear about their level of commitment! As a student I don’t always see their commitment, because, I am always benefiting from your hard work! Last night really enforced that for me! Super seriously thanks! 

First week of ox! Not bad, not great, room for growth though! Colton passing really threw a stick of dynamite into things, but that’s cool! I needed to slow down and process what happened and my part of it and move on! Clean conscience, clean attitude! 

 Change, adapt, grow; change, adapt, grow; for ever more...

I stand firm on my resolutions that this year is for my cousins who will never see the recovery side of life. Yes, I do what I do for me, but subliminally it, for those who still can not find a way out, break those chains for the fam....come on homies, I’m right here! I should amend my comment on what kind of a martial artist do I want to be, as I was emotionally super charged last week. I’ll still do everything I can to help and pull you out of that hole, 10% of the way! Haha! I can’t do it for ya, but with ya! I’ll show you the first step! I’ll guide you up and help you get onto that first step, but you gotta step it!! Do not fret, I’ll be at that second step waiting for your decision! When you take the second step, I’ll be waiting at the third step for you. I won’t promise that, this is just what I do, I’ll be there! Step up! Let’s roll. 

Okay, moving on now. 

How was this week? Man it was good! It truly was! I made some serious steps in progress! Made a few connect the dots in class, and moved new realizations into my little training garage! 

My weightlifting goal is to lift and push around 114000kilograms in a year! Sounds like a big number, but, I think I’m going to hit that number faster than I figured! That’s a bridge we can cross at that point! Just one step in front of the other! Truly in one week, of not heavy trading heavy day brought me 13000kg. So, that’s that! The clean and press of 90kg it’s making progress. I do not want to hinder my actual Kung fu and hurt a shoulder or something silly, so it’s all about increments and getting that goal eventually! I’m sitting steady at 20reps at 30kg! And I will get there! It’d be great to hit that goal by summer, we shall see! 

The old three strikes in a second! Progress! So much so, that I’ve slowed everything down and have gone back to ensuring stances, alignment, clean techniques. I can hit my goal of three solid jabs in a second! I worked on “getting there and speed” long enough for now, I feel. The way I see it, my opponent may be moving back, away from me, so I must continue to work a plausible way to advance and attack, without throwing all caution to the wind! Still stay inside their space, Cool! Challenge accepted! 

Escrimas! How can’t you love these little whooping sticks!! Hahaha. Man I love them! Last few years I’ve “trained” with an assortment of weapons, I always come back to escrimas and straight up sticks! So basic, such a simple item, no hinges or such! Yet, so much to them. How they hum to you how they will tell a story! As every weapon will yeah they do, I’m just partial to escrimas and sticks! I have been injecting escrimas into stick form, work on some basics and it “feels good”! I’m liking it! There’s a couple of paces where I’m literally brick walled, but, I have one on ones booked! So yuppers! 

Well, if I was a betting man, I’d put the house on that’s it for now! 

Yuppers! That’s it....

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Motivation

 Hi there...do me a favour! Do you know the song One by Metallica? It has that beautiful acoustic guitar opening the song...you know the part of the song...okay I’ll give you a second to find it have a listen! It’s an amazing tune, but just the opening cords are what’s important. 

Just play that tune in your head while you read this. 

Last Sunday I got a phone call that a third cousin was found by way of overdose. Yeah isn’t that awesome! I wrote another blog earlier in the week about Colton passing! I love you cousin! It’s on my blog site if you so desire. 

So, now what? That’s three of the four boys in that family that’s gone and passed way too young...it’s heartbreaking, I can’t imagine the pain and frustration in my auntie and uncle! 

I don’t have many words about what happened! I’m pretty torn up, not knocked down. If anything this anger I’m feeling, has served as a fuel. I took a few days and mourned. His passing didn’t really hit until Wednesday after I finally opened up to someone! 

What did I do? 

I put on a show and did pushups and sit-ups! And I thought and I pondered. I questioned myself, my motives! I questioned almost everything I know about myself. See, I wanted to place blame and guilt on myself! Like I explained before, I was the wayward son! I was the lost cause at a young age! I’m the oldest child in my family by 8-12 years! My sister is closest to my age and she’s 8years younger than I! Colton was 12 years younger than I! So you can just imagine the example I set for these young kids! I was the cool cousin willy! The cousin who didn’t care about nothing! The guy who caused chaos in streets and did as he pleased! And from a young age I may add. The cousins idolized me, no matter how many times I would say, it’s not cool to do what I do, after many years of doing what I did, I finally tapped out! Colton’s oldest brother, and my legit only friend at the time Chad, hung himself, and everyone started to fall. 

Sure I showed that way of life. Sure I opened that door to addiction and alcoholism! Yes I did! Don’t lie for me! BUT, I also opened the door to recovery! I also opened the door way to a better way of life! Just like I didn’t hold a gun to their heads to abuse, I never held a gun to their heads about recovery! That’s different for everyone! That person needs to make that decision to change! That’s a fact! 

I was the lucky one! I got out alive! I am still here today, simply because, Chad’s suicide put life in perspective for me! If I wanted to die early, if I wanted to not watch my boys grow, if I wanted to throw this gift of life away, just keep drinking and using man!! 

I didn’t want any of the above! Not for one second! We were supposed to be having fun! We are supposed to be living like kings, but we dying like rats...

So, here we are! I started my sober journey on July 2, 2011!! 3 520 days of continuous sobriety. Not one drop has entered my body! Not a splash, not a sniff, nothing! My youngest boy has never seen me with a beer in hand, and it’s going to stay that way! Fight me about it, you’ll learn! You will have to kill me to get me to drink again! 

Quite honestly, if I had only one choice in life to make! Have one sip of one beer and never ever fail at Kung fu! Have every dream I have in Kung fu come to reality; or don’t drink and give up Kung fu; I’d give up Kung fu.... not one second thought....that’s how much my sobriety means to me! 

Not even a thought....that’s my commitment to me! The promise I made to me! The only promise I’ve ever kept! The only promise that means anything!! That’s why I don’t make promises to anyone anymore!

Today I find alcohol repulsive! The smell of it, it’s look, it’s strangle hold it has on society! What it does to people! I despise it! 

So, now what? What do I do going forward? I keep training! I fight harder! I show the example I want people to see! I continue to become the man, I was supposed to be! 

I train harder! I make every punch matter, not because that’s how we are supposed to train! Not because Sifu says so....I train for those who think they can not! I train for the weak and fallen, I fn train to lead by example! I train because I don’t want people to do what I did, but, do as I do today...not what I did yesterday! 

I am in no way a guru, nor a god amongst men, nor am I the most intelligent fella around! What I am is an honest straight shooting guy, who had let the devil run his soul, and took that soul back! I’m the guy who went to hell, put my arm around the devil, got a real nice picture of the two of us and then choked him out and strolled out the front gates! Laughing!!  I’m seriously that guy! I’ve seen the devil, I danced with the devil, gawd dammit I fought the devil, and I won! Every day I’m sober, I win!! I took a second chance at life!  

Still playing One by Metallica......Good!! 

Because he comes the heavy wailing guitar; here comes the heavy drums! Let’s get heavy....

I no longer consider myself as just a simple person, I am the example to step up too! I will hold myself to a standard much, much higher than what’s simply expected of us! Egotistical? Not a chance, quite the opposite friends! I will not fail...there are lost souls counting on us to light that dark path up! Don’t worry friends! I know a way! 

What am I going to do about it? I’m going to kill them all! Every single doubt, every single thought of I’m not good enough, every wonder about glorious ness on the road we call life! Every single demon that says no you can’t, is getting a swat! 

Only for today do I live for! Only for this moment! I live to show every single addict/alcoholic there’s a better way to life, just come with me and take my hand! We will get through it together! 

This morning I looked myself in the mirror and said to myself 

“Let me be what I’m meant to be”

         —Frank Castle aka The Punisher—

Let’s make one more thing clear, This isn’t about revenge, nor is it about punishment...it’s about living! This way of life; it’s a bloody war, casualties scattered everywhere! You don’t think so? You take a walk early morning in stony plain; you’ll see...

No, I’m not going all vigilante and going to whack people! I still want to watch my kids grow! I’ve just had enough, and well, I’m going to finish what I started, and the bs stops here...brutal self honesty from here on out! 

Why do I train? I know what hell looks like, I know what’s waiting out there! What kind of black belt do I want to be? I know how far you may fall without help! I know how dark the darkness can truly be! I will be that black belt! I’ll be the black belt that drags you out of that hole! I will be that black belt whom you can get honest with; and train like a demon with! 

Year of the Ox; how fitting isn’t it!?! 

This year is for me; but dedicated to my fallen family members....and all you struggling addicts that are lost out there!! This ones for you guys...

“If you’re gonna look at yourself, really look in the mirror, you gotta admit who you are. But not just to yourself, you gotta admit it to everybody else.”

  Frank Castle

I will see you soon...

Mr.Duncan 

 Well I guess so. My youngest cousin was found deceased on Saturday. I found out while I was whipping up my blog. I’m not overly sure on the details, but it was heroin. It was an od.

A Young man still in his prime! Colton got knocked down and stolen alas, almost exactly like his older brothers Chase and Chad. 

That leaves Cody. He’s the remaining brother. Oh man, what’s his mind like? He’s the last of his bloodline! Punch. To. The. Guts. 

I love my cousin very much, as I do my whole family. We didn’t spend a whole lot of time together adults as, I made my decisions; he made his. That’s where we left it many years ago. From what I know, he ran with a rougher crowd than I ever did! Where I leaned away from some groups, he did not! He ran rough and played rougher, and in turn passed on roughest...when we did spend time together, I enjoyed his company very much... he’s my cousin so we spent some time together on the farm, but such an age gap that I didn’t really spend too much time with him! By the time Colton becoming a part of the family, I was busy being a cool guy teenager! 

I think with Colton was, being the youngest of four brothers and the youngest of the whole family, nine boys one girl, he felt this impulse to be better, faster, stronger than his older three brothers or relatives for that matter!! And he was, by far, the tank of the family!! Boy, he gave me a run for my money from an early age! Ha! 

And, ya know, from the get go he was born even further behind the 8ball. 

We was born deaf, with a few physical disabilities! He was from the get go, the runt of the family! Birth defects and other setbacks, such as being unable to walk until, “later than expected”! He fought so hard his whole life!! Whenever we visited he just wanted to hug and teach you sign language! He just wanted to show you how big and strong he was! He just wanted you to see him! 

 His challenges where things like not being able to speak clearly nor fairly pronounced until his early teens! Such an achievement that was!! He fought so hard just to learn how to speak clearly!! Later him life, when Colton received his hearing implants, oh my god, you should have seen it! The look on his face when he heard our voices! Oh man, it still melts my heart...you fought so hard Colton!!

And for all his set backs and honest reasons to be pissed at the world he was not! Happy, smiling and didn’t give a hoot!! 

And we lost touch for a few years, next thing you know, he’s an adult and participating in the insanity of adulthood, if ya catch my drift. He was, simply because of being the youngest, crazy as sin and tough as nails! He gave no hoots about standing up and getting noticed! He did, ya know, with the wrong crowd! 

Occasionally he would come and ask for help and yeah man, no sweat! Addictions are a son of a gun to deal with alone! I know I needed serious help. His smiles faded into that addict look! His voice spoke monotone, except for highs....the change was complete...

Unfortunately, quick fixes would become the go to! We’d get to a spot where, now it’s literally time to cry and get honest, this step will set you free...why did you stop...I know it’s scary, that’s literally why I’ve taken it...Look man, I took the step first, years ago, I’m here, just take my hand...I promise you it will be okay...no not yet? Okay...well when is a good time then??

my actual last physical contact was when I walked him out off my property and I very politely explained why he will not visit high on heroin anymore.....

I almost feel guilt, but, no; no I do not!

I feel sadness, and a few other emotions! I’m very sad another family needed to go this route! It’s the exact  opposite of what I was hoping to happen! It’s really kinda depressing, to be honest, knowing what’s happening and full well knowing there’s nothing you can say or do to change their minds! They need to make that decision. No amount of outside coaxing, threats, promises mean anything! A tiny tiny portion of addicts can manage sobriety because of someone else. Honestly, the cold facts are mostly they relapse. 

I wish things could have worked out, but there’s nothing to do now, but move on I suppose!! It sucks, but, so does life sometimes....

Before Chase left, efforts to change where there, but pretty empty, he never truly wanted out. Honestly, they really did enjoy “their time together”...once Chase, his using pal, left this earth....well you know the story....he fell fast hard and did not want out....

I miss you Colton! Love you cuzz!! 

See ya soon I guess...

Now, does shit make sense? Do you know now what you have to do? Can you see the problems and issues Will? Will you see, or are we just fucking looking through the front window?? Step up or get outta the way!! End the addictions Will...

Oh yeah!!

 Wow hey! It’s officially first blog of the Ox!! We are Team Oxen. Kinda technically we are a yoke of oxen!! Yuppers I just looked that up!! But seriously a Yoke of Oxen!?! English language is confusing!! I’m seriously amazed at people who learn this as a second language! It’s more like 8 languages smashed into one depending on what part of what rock you live on. 

Started strong this year, gotta keep the momentum going. One big adjustment I’ve made is the one on ones. I didn’t want to do them later at night. I wanted my nights to be mine to do as I will. Then I got thinking, well, that’s kind of selfish of my part! Let’s be honest!! Simply because there’s a black belt with times open and waiting, so what exactly am I doing? Squandering an opportunity? Yup what I was doing!! Not anymore! Time to act like the black belt I want to be!   

So, jump right out of my comfort zone and with a few terrible jokes (face palm...that sounded funnier in my head), I’ll get adjusted to this new routine. Shoot, I used to try to be the first and last person in classes. I did loose that connection, so I shall rebuild that connection! That’s the relationship I want to rebuild! The one with my teachers I used to carry so dearly! 

So on Saturday night, ha! I was online with sifu! The question that I was asked, what am I after, what am I looking for out of her? What do I want? Well, I wasn’t really expecting the question, I should have, but, it kind of took me off guard! Simply because, it was a bit of a loaded question, in a good way of course! I have to get all my forms and techniques back! I can, honestly, only remember a few, no matter how hard a try! 

Now, I could have said, teach me everything and I’ll try to sort it out later, that seemed really....silly! I’m sure throwing every thing at me some spaghetti will stick, but how many pots are we going to throw away?  I don’t do well when I get overwhelmed and frustrated! That’s a free lesson that has taken years to learn! So, I opted to focus on the two forms I know, and get these forms sorted and smoothed out! There’s lots of places that I’m lacking in the forms “I know!” Lots of small details I’ve missed over time! The subtle changes that have happened to some of the forms! No big deal! I got a few solid black belts!! 

Let’s see, the first day of Ox challenge, thankfully I am at home and had nothing but time and opportunities to do the new year challenge! Felt great completing them. I don’t honestly know if I’ve ever hit the 1000 before! You wanted 1000?? Well, here’s 1120!

Sifu, Thank you sifu! May I have another please Sifu!!

 I know I’ve been up into the 800’s but I truly don’t think I’ve ever actually completed the challenge until Friday! Bam, that’s one check I’ve really wanted to do! 

And then, there’s that “unknown person!” High applause for that Kung fu promo! That was awesome! I really enjoyed the video! Thanks! Mr.Thursday Night was vibrating with excitement! Did you see this Mr.Duncan? Mr.Duncan you have to watch this again! Like I know dude come on now, we have watched this a few times now, calm down dude! I have to study....anyhow....it’s nice to see! Thanks unknown person, hopefully you’re not an unknown assailant with killer curls....

I’m going to lay out quickly here, some goals, but I will put them into a video shortly, so MTN, will leave me alone about posting in a video my goals for the year! He can read, he’s just being difficult....

Very much so, I am going to continue to work on the three strikes in a second! I have had some feed back about keeping the flow going, but moving inside my opponent, I have a few punches to work with and see what’s fitting better and where it fits best! It’s all about context, but, like we have been told, practice practice practice! I actually want to put a kick in there, but, in good time! This technique I’ve worked on for years! Yes years! And I will continue to take years to work this out! The next step of this goal, is to have three “one inch punches” if you may! I want to be inside so tight that only small powerful techniques will make an impact! Get inside your power zone so terribly that your stumbling on your jabs! Inside so tight a kick isn’t even a plausible thought...and then bam...punches like semi trucks outta nowhere!!! Hahaha! Unbridled violence!! 

Another large goal, personally, for myself is, well, to get back and maintain a state of fitness that will allow me to train with professional wrestlers...I’m not kidding! In 2022, I will enroll in a wrestling academy! Not to say that I want to be the main attraction for Alberta, which, to be honest, this area we live in, is the hotspot I western Canada for producing wrestlers! So much talent here, and I want to train with them all!! Honestly, I want to say, yeah I trained in wrestling! Yeah I did well! Yeah, I can keep up with people half my age! Yes I can turn your arm bar into a legit exploder suplex! Whether I actually get signed or even see a legit ring, I do not care! I want the training and the physical abilities! I want this off my bucket list! Bam! 

That’s a large goal in and of itself, so I’ve had to break it up into a few steps. One physical strength, so the goal I have is to, by next year, from a laying and sitting position is to stand up with 200lbs of deadweight! I desire to clean pick and carry 200lbs on my shoulders! I desire to continue to build “sleeper strength” So I do not want to put on mass or size, simply raw strength! So I have reached out to my kid brother and he set me up with a monster of a weight training regime! Fantastic! 

How does any of wrestling tie into Kung fu? Man how doesn’t it! In Kung fu, we are asked to do forms and techniques with passion and intention! I have to be solid in my Kung fu stance, I have to be confident in my motions, steps, grabs locks, absolutely everything Sifu drops on my plate! Why does everything have to be as perfect and as solid as possible? Because it’s what we are training to do, first off! And it’s the proper way to train and finally, if I can’t get “perfection” in my Kung fu, how can I expect to step into a very physical environment and train to “not hurt, but hurt people”

Wrestling reminds me of heavy sparring! We are here to learn and grow, but no one wants to take an injury! So if I can not show restraint and respect in Kung fu, how can I earn respect in the outside worlds? 

I have cheeseburger the escrimas this year as a weapon. I have taken liberty to inject the escrimas into stick form. It’s very very similar, but obviously different. The escrimas I feel flow differently that the stick. There are subtle but substantial differences that can not be over looked. When escrimas are used in Da Mu Hsing, it looks quite similar, but in the stick form, it looks different, if you follow my drift. 

I will developer my own escrimas form, but under the guidance of the “father of all weapons” the stick. It’s been a few years, but, when I was working with Sifu M Playter, he used to remind me, always, that if you’re having troubles with a weapon refer to the stick, the stick will show you the way!! Something like that, it’s been a few years. 

Smoking, yup, still having troubles, but not so much today! I have this book. The Easy Way To Quit Smoking! I will keep my flaws right here in the for front for all! I do not care! 

 I can not keep up anymore as a smoker! I absolutely detest smoking, and to be really blunt and honest. I see all you teammates bit smoking and not gasping for air and I’m jealous. I’m envious. I’ve never given myself that opportunity.  Started at a young age there too...8 I was smoking pipes because nobody cared and it was acceptable where I grew up! No ones fault but my own! Own it! I continued to smoke, I made those decisions. Conversations or more of a lack of said conversations, is of no relevance! This book has gone about changing the way I perceive about how I think about smoking. It forces me to be honest with the issues and face reality! He does not talk about the health effects, that’s pointless. I know! Seriously! I know! I live with them. It’s about, why do I make time for them? What’s the benefit to this? What am I gaining? I’m only a third of the way in the book, but it’s easier to say no when my thinking is clear about what I’m saying no to!! Basically, this illusion I have of powerlessness!! Huh, reminds me of me kicking alcohol! 9years going strong there!!

Anyhow, I’m excited! This is going to be another good year! I’m excited to train with everyone again and some of the new ti the team names I’ve seen pop up! Fantastic!

Have a great family day fam!!

Thanks for your time 

Mr.Duncan 

Quickly

 Hey ya team!! Almost there eh!? I’m done with the rat year, tell ya that much for free. It was not a complete failure, goal wise, not overly. I did learn a lot. Learnt a lot about myself as a person, learnt a lot about what people hold dear to them, morally wise!

Personally, like I wrote about all year, I had massive, massive life altering decisions to be made. I made some terribly difficult decisions to cut people out of my life and others chose to cut me out of theirs! I lost another cousin to drugs and a distant uncle to cancer! Another cousin is well on his way to meeting his maker! Career wise, I lost everything! 

From that perspective, I had a crap year.....if I flip my perception and search for gratefulness, that last paragraph can go something like 

Personally, as I wrote about for the majority of the year, I made some huge steps towards changing my careers and getting out of working outta town so much. Sure, sure, external forces had a large part to play, but, still!! I made massive strides in becoming more of a dad as opposed to a phone call, which, is extremely important to me. I learnt, my communication skills still lack very much, and I look forward to trying, again, to rebuild a very dear relationship! Not everyone can read my mind! Having so many expectations of how things where supposed to work out really wasn’t the best idea. More of an open minded approach this year is needed! 

I had become neglectful and passive, last year, in regards to my mental health. There’s steps that have worked amazingly well in the past, and I chose to make poor decisions! Those decisions I made 9years ago, still need help and love!

 Career wise, I have a huge opportunity for change and growth in front of me today! Lots of learning and lots of questions to be had!! I’m very grateful for the friends and family that are here with me! The passings of my loved ones toast year, helped remind me to quit wasting time and opportunities! The people in my life whom always have a word on encouragement, are really appreciated. I don’t know where I would be without the few I have! 

Sure, it took a little longer to say what was on my mind, but there’s a much easier pill to swallow there now! I’m not starting the new year with defeat on my mind! I’m starting the new year, with learning opportunities and obvious places to grow....

more to come as more is revealed. I can only reveal if I stay committed to my Kung fu!

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan