Well, today is the day I write this. And here we go. So, life’s been kinda crappy lately. Lost my way. Really haven’t done any training in the last while. A little bit here and there but not much. Mentally I was at a point where I was going to just give up on Kung fu. That thought brought a lot of uneasiness in myself, but, the way things have been going lately, it seemed like the best solution. Easiest solution. So, I had become content with my decision and decided, yeah, I’ll get back into it, when I have funds and time. I wasn’t going to completely give up on the majority of my dreams, but, with no time and even less money, I felt justified.
Then Sifu sends me an email. Hey man, why don’t you come back. It would be nice to see you training again. Now, I’ve purposly not contacted him, because, I knew I couldn’t justify myself and lack of training to him. Couldn’t happen. So, now, I’m in a pickle. I’ve tapped on Kung fu, but, here’s Sifu, being all like hey man, come on back. I thought about it for a few hours, slept on it and said okay, I’ll come back. Monday night I’ll start on classes again. I wanted to get to open training on Saturday, but, I had excuses.....weak.....
So anyhow, I’m coming back to classes Monday night. I would be lying if I said I don’t need Kung fu in my life. I’d be lying if I said, I could walk away, quilt free. I miss training with people, my garage is lonely! I miss learning about myself and my body. Let’s really get honest and the happiest I’ve ever been, was when I was immersed in classes and training. Not a lot bothered me, then. Today I’m very irritable and moody. I was at the greatest amount of peace when I was sparring and practicing techniques with others. Today, I don’t know what silence is.
The more I think about re-starting my journey, the more and more excited I become about it. Sure I have a blue belt, with stripes on it, but, honestly, I feel like a white belt again. Thats where I’m starting, again. That’s cool. I hope I can participate in the lower ranking classes. That’s where I need to be. In all seriousness, it won’t take me long to get back to where I was, it’s just going take some effort. That’s something I haven’t put in a lot of lately.
I find my job is too easy. No mental or physical challenges, ever. So, I found complacency and ran with it. My muscle mass, flexibility and mental strength have all gone for shit. Do I completely blame the job, heck no! This is my own undoing. I know what I done to myself. Let myself go. No I’m not a big old piggy, but I have the stamina of a dead horse....that’s going to hurt in class.
Still though, I stay determined to do this. Listen, Sifu, has never steered me wrong. He always been there for me. Whether I wanted him there or not, there he was, smiling and waiting patiently, for me to get over my ego. I’m very grateful for my Sifu. He’s always been someone I wanted in my life. He’s almost th most positive role model I have had. Not once, has he told me things are stupid or ridiculaous, or that I just shouldn’t do it. Always he says, well, best of luck! Can I help somehow? Always there for me. I think that’s why I just couldn’t walk away from Silent River Kung Fu. Sifu has created a culture there, where, for the most part, no one gets left behind. And hey, he keeps reaching back and grabbing me the shoulders and says, come on will, let’s get back to work. He’s never given up on me and always tries to make me feel included. Whether it be a picture with my S.R.K.F. title belt or an email, simply asking, how ya doing! Okay Sifu, let’s get Willie back into high flying mode.
My part will simply be, sticking to the guidelines set in front of me. For the first few months, it’s simply going to be, forms and techniques, until, I’m back at a proper blue belt stature. I must concentrate on what’s at hand, not what’s down the road. I keep forgetting, I haven’t accomplished anything, until, I’ve done the work.
So, it’ll be great to see everyone again, I am looking forward to dawning the uniform and learning again. This is going to be fun.
“....there is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand...love and rage...there is love in me the likes you have never seen. There is rage in me the likes of which should never escape. If I am not satisfied in one, I will indulge in the other.”
― Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein
So, I will see you soon
Mr.Duncan
