Happy Poly Days everyone. Hasn't been much of anything this year with all the rain and such. But, we managed to get the parade and a small event in before the wicked winds hit and put a stop to things. Too bad. There was some awesome events planned. But, next time maybe! It did turn out to be a nice night spent it's the family. Everyone was getting stir crazy at home, darn rain. So we went cruising. Milkshakes and fries was our destination and good times were had.
So, this week, I celebrated my five years of sobriety with my group. Usually we celebrate on the last Thursday of every month, if there is a party to be had that month. You know, it's one thing for me to blog about my sobriety. Don't get me wrong, it's still a strong message and a powerful time for myself, but to be in a room full of people who are fighting the same fight, with the same demons as I am. That's really powerful. So, in my journey, yup, I'm still floating from my sobriety. Sure, I talk about his topic a lot. A lot. I talk about it on the job site. I talk about it with my family friends and strangers. I refuse to not talk about these demons. It has been such a huge program for me. And one thing I have learnt is this. You are not the only one! Your demons are not unique to you and you alone. There are people out there who are dying from the same issues you have. Staying mute, gives the demons power. Staying open and honest about these things empowers the individual.
You know, since my near relapse a few months ago, so much has changed for me. So many more gifts and freedoms have hit me smack in the groin!! I trucking love being sober! I love remembering what I did last night. No longer do I run out to see if I drove the night before or not. Is the truck smacked up again? It's in the impound? Oh sugar snaps! Normally I did. Black out drunk, and I would drive home. Just did not give a hoot about nothing or no one. Turns my sco age to think if these things today. Yes even to the point of walking the razors edge with the devil and his death sauce. Walking the razors edge, I was that edge!! Haha! So, on your birthday, your group, allow the said individual to share their experience, strength and hope, for the majority of the time spent. There is no stronger sense of accomplishment than watching a fellow sufferer succeed and turn recoverer. I gotta say, while the sharing was going around the tables, people kept saying to me, "Will, you are my inspiration! I barely have five weeks and here you are with five years! Will, do you think we can get together for coffee and you can share you're secrets with me?".........Wow! Are they serious, me? I'm an inspiration? Yes, I have heard these words before from numerous people, but when a fellow sufferer is choking back tears while trying to find the words that are complimenting you, that is humbling. Thursday night was the most powerful birthday I have ever had. Listening to these guys, not only takes me back to the day I sobered up, but inspires me to push harder to continue achieving greatness in my sobriety. So, when it was my turn to stand up and share, I had to address these questions. I said something like, "yo, listen up! There are no secrets to this program. In fact secrets will kill you. So, the secret I guess is this, share you're experience, strength and hope. Share with your mom, share with your neighbor, if they want to listen. What are you waiting for, gosh darn it? Are you waiting for an invitation? Then here it is. I give all of you an invitation to step it up and be the humans we are supposed to be. Get out of the chair and do the step work. Do it honestly and openly. Do not harm each other any more. Embrace each other and show love in times of darkness. Yes asking for help is showing love. So, when you're stuck, get out of your ego and ask for help. Why because, our ego got us here, and asking for help will take us out of here!"
Now, I want to take a second and talk more to whoever is or may be still struggling out there with your demons or life. I'm not Mr.Duncan right now. I'm a humble servent of the human spirit. Just like your demons and your higher powers, I'm nameless and faceless. In my opinion, our blessings and our downfalls, are not unique, we are all the same. It's the cold facts of life that I had to listen to before I could move on. All of our problems and differences can be brought to one underlying factor. Fear! Face it, at one point of your journey, maybe yesterday, today, or tomorrow, you question why and you dig down and fight back. I needed to tear the situation apart and understand why I want to fight back so much. Fear! I'm scared. Okay, but of what? Everything is going great, why do I question so much? Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate! No! Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure! It is our light; not our darkness that scares us! You know without a doubt you can do it. And you slow down or you shut down. Why though? You go right to the nitty gritty bone truth of it and you were about to reach that next plain and you knew it. Your body and spirit was telling your mind this and it couldn't compute. And you question everything? Scared of success. Because it's easier to give life an excuse to beat me then it is to give myself reasons to succeed!
But hey is for horses, that's what keeps life interesting. New challenges and lessons to be learnt. Good stuff. Well until next time folks
Good day
I'm Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 31 July 2016
Sunday, 24 July 2016
random thoughts
Good Sunday all! Yesterday was my oldest son boys birthday. The big 8! He's such a good boy. I really admire his strength. He isn't overly aware of it yet, but, he has a strong character in him. And I feel once he embraces that, he will flourish more and more. I gotta say here, that he was born in the tail end of my insanity. So, he had a crappy go for the first few years of his life. I wasn't the greatest role model, at all. I don't feel for even a second. But with that being said, he will be stronger because of our history. "Our history will not be our destiny" I think that should be our motto! when he was younger and first enrolled in Kung fu, I really noticed a confidence being re-born in him. From a father's perspective, Kung fu in his life, was a game changer. It has allowed him to accomplish forms and techniques , and he's Proud of his accomplishments in Kung fu. He's entered the school talent show twice now, and did sheih Chein and Kempo. Does them well too. Like I have spoken about before, he's the reason, I started Kung fu, and has been my inspiration for a long time.
He's so much like me, it's kinda scary! Haha! But we grow together. I learn from him constantly. There's actions and language that he calls me on. Truthfully, it's some of the best corrections for me. Really grounding. I like to keep the mindset that yes I'm dad, and my word is final, but he's still my teacher. Some of my greatest lessons have been from my kids. Kids don't give a whoop about much. It's us adults that start putting expectations on them. We call them "responsibilities". Haha! Because we have adult stuff to do, work and pay for stuff, we have things to do and places to be. That creates a responsibility for ourselves. That's cool, if you want something, you gotta pay for it. You want to pay and you need money. You need to work for money, so you can spend it. And such the vicious circle of employment is born. Hahaha. It's just ludacris. But a necessary evil. So I'm told.
Im not sure where I was going with this today, but it doesn't really matter. I'm in a great place today. And have been for a few weeks now. It's a great motion. There's been a few road bumps come up, and I've managed nicely. I am a lucky individual. I have a program for the internal and a program for the external. Both are unmatched in their lessons and principles. If you want a good life just do these things laid out. Stay true to your word and your path. Man, it's simple. At first glance, it's easy money. Then you delve into it and realize just how much is involved in living simply again. Wreckages of the past and current disasters to clean up. In just cleansing our spirit, is an ongoing daily activity. Asking for help and staying humble in success. Learning how to make less demands out of life. Then you receive gifts beyond imagination. Freedoms that where once unknown, are now the norm. I am enjoying life. And all of its baggage. The ups and downs are merely lessons. Learn them wisely. Judgement and breathing are excersised. And the best course of action always appears. Seeing it can be tough at first, but after time, the fog will lift and boom there it is.
Anyhow, it is mini dounut time.
See you soon.
Mr.Duncan
He's so much like me, it's kinda scary! Haha! But we grow together. I learn from him constantly. There's actions and language that he calls me on. Truthfully, it's some of the best corrections for me. Really grounding. I like to keep the mindset that yes I'm dad, and my word is final, but he's still my teacher. Some of my greatest lessons have been from my kids. Kids don't give a whoop about much. It's us adults that start putting expectations on them. We call them "responsibilities". Haha! Because we have adult stuff to do, work and pay for stuff, we have things to do and places to be. That creates a responsibility for ourselves. That's cool, if you want something, you gotta pay for it. You want to pay and you need money. You need to work for money, so you can spend it. And such the vicious circle of employment is born. Hahaha. It's just ludacris. But a necessary evil. So I'm told.
Im not sure where I was going with this today, but it doesn't really matter. I'm in a great place today. And have been for a few weeks now. It's a great motion. There's been a few road bumps come up, and I've managed nicely. I am a lucky individual. I have a program for the internal and a program for the external. Both are unmatched in their lessons and principles. If you want a good life just do these things laid out. Stay true to your word and your path. Man, it's simple. At first glance, it's easy money. Then you delve into it and realize just how much is involved in living simply again. Wreckages of the past and current disasters to clean up. In just cleansing our spirit, is an ongoing daily activity. Asking for help and staying humble in success. Learning how to make less demands out of life. Then you receive gifts beyond imagination. Freedoms that where once unknown, are now the norm. I am enjoying life. And all of its baggage. The ups and downs are merely lessons. Learn them wisely. Judgement and breathing are excersised. And the best course of action always appears. Seeing it can be tough at first, but after time, the fog will lift and boom there it is.
Anyhow, it is mini dounut time.
See you soon.
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 17 July 2016
Time Today
Hey yo! It's me its me mr.D! Hahaha! How's it going today? I'm doing well. I hope your day is going like mine! Fantastic! So, the mighty Mitsubishi finally died on me. 320,000km and the timing belt cut loose and broke a bunch of stuff in the motor. Now, I am no mechanic, but, when the best course of action is to replace the motor, it's time to move on in vehicles. It's too bad. She was a great car. So onto the looking process and my wife stumbles across a Fusion, titanium edition. For exactly what I wanted to spend. A little bit of haggling and I make an offer. It's funny, the dealer knows your going to haggle and their prices are set accordingly. But, it makes the consumer feel like they got a little bit out of the dealer. Like, taunting horses with carrots! But this car is loaded to the nines man. There are no more factory options to have. This fusion has all of them. And for a great price, so, here's hoping everything works out on Monday.
With the amount of travel I do for work, it's important to have a reliable car. It's nice to have the bells and whistles too. Works ramped right up. It's nice and a burden at the same time. I'm thankful for the hours and income but, man alive it hurts the ambitions. I have a new way for myself to see things. Things I always knew, and I did have high on the priorities lists. But new understandings and appreciations of what I do have. And when I have them. Time is such a precious commodity. That's the one thing that is earned. Earned through sweat and tears. Slowly with just valuing what you have, time with those things grow. What ever they are. Training your mind and spirit on the ideals you need to be successful. Listen to the teachings and learn from the experience.
You know, working with Bane is a great tool for me. This horse needs atleast an hour and a half to get what he needs for the day. Working these hours has made me prioritize my time spent at home. A plan to succeed is being looked for. And what I failed to look at before is the ever evolving day in a rigid plan. And because of everything, things are always changing. Young kids are such a dynamic that's it's a great learning tool. To just loosen up man. You get home and your kids a like dad! The boys have their title belts on their shoulders! You hang out until bed. Then bane is like dad! He's got his rope hanging out of his mouth! It's on like donkey kong Bane! Then it's time for bed. You know! Prioritize for success. Little amounts of time spent turn into a lot of time at the end of the day. Little progresses have been made to ensure long term achievements.
No different with training. Little amounts of time now, leads to something great in the end. And that's the situation I have and accept today. I love every second of it. Right! Trust the Process. It works if you work it.
Well, I'm off for now.
Go join in some troublesome shenanigans!
Mr.Duncan
With the amount of travel I do for work, it's important to have a reliable car. It's nice to have the bells and whistles too. Works ramped right up. It's nice and a burden at the same time. I'm thankful for the hours and income but, man alive it hurts the ambitions. I have a new way for myself to see things. Things I always knew, and I did have high on the priorities lists. But new understandings and appreciations of what I do have. And when I have them. Time is such a precious commodity. That's the one thing that is earned. Earned through sweat and tears. Slowly with just valuing what you have, time with those things grow. What ever they are. Training your mind and spirit on the ideals you need to be successful. Listen to the teachings and learn from the experience.
You know, working with Bane is a great tool for me. This horse needs atleast an hour and a half to get what he needs for the day. Working these hours has made me prioritize my time spent at home. A plan to succeed is being looked for. And what I failed to look at before is the ever evolving day in a rigid plan. And because of everything, things are always changing. Young kids are such a dynamic that's it's a great learning tool. To just loosen up man. You get home and your kids a like dad! The boys have their title belts on their shoulders! You hang out until bed. Then bane is like dad! He's got his rope hanging out of his mouth! It's on like donkey kong Bane! Then it's time for bed. You know! Prioritize for success. Little amounts of time spent turn into a lot of time at the end of the day. Little progresses have been made to ensure long term achievements.
No different with training. Little amounts of time now, leads to something great in the end. And that's the situation I have and accept today. I love every second of it. Right! Trust the Process. It works if you work it.
Well, I'm off for now.
Go join in some troublesome shenanigans!
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 10 July 2016
Pure InsAnIty
Hey yo! What a night! I had the amazing opportunity to go and see a band that I have been waiting very patiently for like sixteen years to go see, last night! The Insane Clown Posse!! Finally Treadu did something good and lifted the ban on ICP in Canada! I had no tickets and no plan. Except get all painted up like a Jugallo and go wait in line. Put it out to the universe! Asking please let there be tickets. Worst thing about it is, I didn't even know I.C.P. was in town until midnight the night before. So, I thought man, I'm hooped! But, I'm going to do everything in my power to get in. It worked out fantastic man. The only scalper that was there and I only ten bucks extra for tickets. I would have paid a hundred bones per ticket to get in. I honestly would have. ahh man, then people are like you got ripped buddy. I just looked, nope, nope, I didn't. I knew it in my guts. It was going to work out. Then you know, you walk up through the doors and see the crowd and I just went loopy. I really did. Excitement took over and I said to myself. Okay buddy, let's cut loose. Sixteen years for this one moment and let's really just enjoy this. Lost myself in the crowd and the music and just had a blast!! Oh man what a mosh pit! That was the most intense mosh pit I've ever seen. Man there's like seven hundred rabid jugallos. We are painted up. It was a sea of clowns! Hahaha! Then ICP takes the stage and it's just an explosion of Faygo root beer being sprayed all over the crowd, people getting feathered, streamers being thrown around and just a whole other level of insanity. I have been and seen some wild parties in my life time, but last night took the cake!! Then like every couple of songs, you hear this "Faygo Break" and the circus music starts and these dudes come out with bazoka water bombers loaded with Faygo, and at the end of the count down it was nothing less then a downpouring of Faygo! Five litre buckets getting dumped, two lite pop bottles and bazoka bombers of Faygo. All over everything. The ceiling the lights the balcony the speakers. Everything was saturated. I was watching one of the bouncers and he was like what is this? They had no idea of what they were getting into! Ahh I was completely in my element. Can't see, glasses are caked, face paint is running down into your eyes, ouch it burns, but it doesn't matter! You keep screaming and cheering and hooting and hollaring! Ahahaha!! I took a shot right in the face! It was great! Born with a hatchet, Running with the dark carnival, like a Juggallo. What is a Juggalo. I don't know but I'm down with the clown!! Haha! Love it
So how does that tie into Kung fu? Yeah I don't know either! Maybe more to outside program. Doing hard work and getting little success like getting to see a band that I near wrote off of ever seeing. Yeah I don't know! Maybe I'm grasping, but, no matter what these are some of the facts of the night. I went to a bar, a place I do not belong. I went for one reason. The music. I kept my intentions pure, I didn't go to drink, I didn't go to do drugs, I went for the music! It would have been really easy to sneak a drink or two. But, I didn't work this hard to piss my sobriety away at a concert with a bunch of clowns! Literally! Not a chance. It's because I'm sober that I get to do these things! The same music my folks would throw my albums out on me and tell me what I could or could not listen to. Didn't matter, I would go buy the album again. Got to the point I had to hide those albums!! I would crank my towers to near max and just let it rip. "You can't listen to this! What's the matter with you Will?" I would just shrug and ask, where you wanna start ma! Leave my music alone. Let me be! They never would so, the music went louder and louder! What a punk kid I was! I would have kicked my arse too!
So I'm still flying high from last night obviously. I woke up this morning and watched the videos I took last night. I am still in awe of what transpired last night!
Onto, Kung fu, for real this time! Training is coming back nicely. Routines are greatly coming back. My body is responding well. Shoulders are doing well. I'm doing light weights with simple motions. There's damage I need to repair. Whenever it happened I do t know or care. The point today is I need to repair some damage. So, I talked to big boss man Brinker, changed my speed of push ups and in combination with the weights, my shoulders feel great. I whipped off thirty in a row Friday, before things started to hurt. That's great improvement. Before it was around ten fifteen, then the grinding kicks in. Perfect. But, even though I can do thirty in a row, doesn't mean I'm going to. Continue with small reps and light weights. Incremental progression. Little steps will lead to big leaps. It just takes time. Patience is what I ask for during my training. Small, calculated movements. If there is no purpose behind my movement, I stop and reset. Ask why I'm doing this, reset my mind and continue on. If it's a motion, there's no point. If it's a stepping stone, then push harder. Yes, even just one push up equals one step. So, to me, there's millions of steps to take yearly. Literal and non-literal.
Okay guys I gotta tap out here. I have a splitting headache from being less then ten feet from the stage and speakers for the concert. My eyes still kinda hurt from the paint and Faygo. And I can barely speak! Hahahaha would I do it again? Hell yeah. And I'd go harder next time!! Nothing less than.....insane! That's my element!
Thanks for your time guys
Insanely yours
Mr.Duncan
So how does that tie into Kung fu? Yeah I don't know either! Maybe more to outside program. Doing hard work and getting little success like getting to see a band that I near wrote off of ever seeing. Yeah I don't know! Maybe I'm grasping, but, no matter what these are some of the facts of the night. I went to a bar, a place I do not belong. I went for one reason. The music. I kept my intentions pure, I didn't go to drink, I didn't go to do drugs, I went for the music! It would have been really easy to sneak a drink or two. But, I didn't work this hard to piss my sobriety away at a concert with a bunch of clowns! Literally! Not a chance. It's because I'm sober that I get to do these things! The same music my folks would throw my albums out on me and tell me what I could or could not listen to. Didn't matter, I would go buy the album again. Got to the point I had to hide those albums!! I would crank my towers to near max and just let it rip. "You can't listen to this! What's the matter with you Will?" I would just shrug and ask, where you wanna start ma! Leave my music alone. Let me be! They never would so, the music went louder and louder! What a punk kid I was! I would have kicked my arse too!
So I'm still flying high from last night obviously. I woke up this morning and watched the videos I took last night. I am still in awe of what transpired last night!
Onto, Kung fu, for real this time! Training is coming back nicely. Routines are greatly coming back. My body is responding well. Shoulders are doing well. I'm doing light weights with simple motions. There's damage I need to repair. Whenever it happened I do t know or care. The point today is I need to repair some damage. So, I talked to big boss man Brinker, changed my speed of push ups and in combination with the weights, my shoulders feel great. I whipped off thirty in a row Friday, before things started to hurt. That's great improvement. Before it was around ten fifteen, then the grinding kicks in. Perfect. But, even though I can do thirty in a row, doesn't mean I'm going to. Continue with small reps and light weights. Incremental progression. Little steps will lead to big leaps. It just takes time. Patience is what I ask for during my training. Small, calculated movements. If there is no purpose behind my movement, I stop and reset. Ask why I'm doing this, reset my mind and continue on. If it's a motion, there's no point. If it's a stepping stone, then push harder. Yes, even just one push up equals one step. So, to me, there's millions of steps to take yearly. Literal and non-literal.
Okay guys I gotta tap out here. I have a splitting headache from being less then ten feet from the stage and speakers for the concert. My eyes still kinda hurt from the paint and Faygo. And I can barely speak! Hahahaha would I do it again? Hell yeah. And I'd go harder next time!! Nothing less than.....insane! That's my element!
Thanks for your time guys
Insanely yours
Mr.Duncan
Saturday, 2 July 2016
July 2, 2016
Today is a day of great achievements. Yes today of all days in history stands out for myself, to be my greatest day ever. You see five years ago today, I swore a new life path, on this very day. Only five years ago.... I had really finally had enough of the insanity. I had no idea of what who or even how. No idea on where to go or whom to talk to. But, the answers came quickly and I sought out help. These amazing folks gave me a new way to live. That didn't include drowning in a bottle until I'm drooling on myself. There was even people who would help with your vocabulary and call your spade when you think it's a diamond. These people cared. I would have a melt down and they would say, "keep coming back" at one point, the only thing I heard was keep coming back! Nobody wanted to help, but, they did. I've seen some big tough guys do, what big tough stereotypes aren't supposed to do. And, think wow. If he can do it, so can I. I see people with fourty-nine years, and I think, dammit, if they can do it, so can I!
Here is one of the better parts. I came to them broken in all sorts of fashions. I walk out put together for the most part. They presented a way of life that involved one simple ingredient. One thing. Honesty. From there you delve into a way of life that is completely different. Where Moral values and self respect become number one. Learning the power of staying true to your word. For so long we carried the torch of broken and desperate. i learnt that this way life was simple. It was the work that was hard. Constant self vigilance. Watch your tongue will. No will, put down temper and pick up the smiles! Desperately holding onto what little sobriety you have. Modern society loves to push alcohol. Whether it be television, movies or music. That's hard to watch without impulse. You see, after a while, sobering up brought me time to sit idol, in a round about way.
This new way of life gave me great and wondrous successes. Such successes, once beaten, do not require as much attention as once before. So eventually, as you clean up your attitude and outlook on life, you start really valuing what you have, you have time to be peaceful. Time to be here. Time to breath. a life worth living. With that comes time think and ponder. Wondering what if I could do that too. What if....
There always seemed to be something missing though. As great as I felt, as onward as I was going, I still was missing something. My spirit, was earning for something more than what I was doing, as great as it was. And then, around three and a half years ago, I found Kung fu. I stumbled upon a seemingly gem in the sand. My son was attending and I enjoyed what was happening. I thought, if they can do it, so can I! So I joined a little later. Slowly, I have learnt, that Kung fu gives me this wonderous, constructive place to dispose of frustrations and tension. A place to relax, if you might. Not that class is relaxing, but the after effects! Silent river started to be become more and more of a place that I like being. My journey in Kung fu here has been nothing but awesome, and with all the ups and downs I have loved every minute of it! Which in a nut shell has brought me to here today. There's a lot to be said about what Kung fu has done for me as an individual, almost too many things to talk about in one blog.
Today was my day to celebrate achievements. To express gratitude, but above all, be honest with myself. When I was asked what I was doing today, I thought, I'm going to the kwoon. And away I went. That's where I want to be. That's where I like to be. I have been away from it for a while and I do miss that place. The smells and sounds are unique to the kwoon. I did quite enjoy myself today.
and I think, five years ago, I could barley stand, let alone walk a straight line. Today I practiced Kung fu. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a pretty great time!
Thanks for reading
Mr.Duncan
Here is one of the better parts. I came to them broken in all sorts of fashions. I walk out put together for the most part. They presented a way of life that involved one simple ingredient. One thing. Honesty. From there you delve into a way of life that is completely different. Where Moral values and self respect become number one. Learning the power of staying true to your word. For so long we carried the torch of broken and desperate. i learnt that this way life was simple. It was the work that was hard. Constant self vigilance. Watch your tongue will. No will, put down temper and pick up the smiles! Desperately holding onto what little sobriety you have. Modern society loves to push alcohol. Whether it be television, movies or music. That's hard to watch without impulse. You see, after a while, sobering up brought me time to sit idol, in a round about way.
This new way of life gave me great and wondrous successes. Such successes, once beaten, do not require as much attention as once before. So eventually, as you clean up your attitude and outlook on life, you start really valuing what you have, you have time to be peaceful. Time to be here. Time to breath. a life worth living. With that comes time think and ponder. Wondering what if I could do that too. What if....
There always seemed to be something missing though. As great as I felt, as onward as I was going, I still was missing something. My spirit, was earning for something more than what I was doing, as great as it was. And then, around three and a half years ago, I found Kung fu. I stumbled upon a seemingly gem in the sand. My son was attending and I enjoyed what was happening. I thought, if they can do it, so can I! So I joined a little later. Slowly, I have learnt, that Kung fu gives me this wonderous, constructive place to dispose of frustrations and tension. A place to relax, if you might. Not that class is relaxing, but the after effects! Silent river started to be become more and more of a place that I like being. My journey in Kung fu here has been nothing but awesome, and with all the ups and downs I have loved every minute of it! Which in a nut shell has brought me to here today. There's a lot to be said about what Kung fu has done for me as an individual, almost too many things to talk about in one blog.
Today was my day to celebrate achievements. To express gratitude, but above all, be honest with myself. When I was asked what I was doing today, I thought, I'm going to the kwoon. And away I went. That's where I want to be. That's where I like to be. I have been away from it for a while and I do miss that place. The smells and sounds are unique to the kwoon. I did quite enjoy myself today.
and I think, five years ago, I could barley stand, let alone walk a straight line. Today I practiced Kung fu. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a pretty great time!
Thanks for reading
Mr.Duncan
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