Hello and good day. Let's get to it. So, lately, things have been slowly going south. I have tried to push things away and ignore certain tell tales of a dark descent. The song Deja Vu keep running on broken record mode. If you haven't heard it, I suggest you listen to it. It might give you a touch more insight on where my mind is. Oh my mind, such a wonderful thing. But on the other side, it can be so disastrous for a fellow in my world. Am I that different than most people, nope. I'm just a sick guy with a sick mind. This disease is much different than others. It isn't like cancer. This disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. When I think I got it licked, it smashes me in the face and drags me through the mud. When I rest on my laurels, thinking I got this, it morphs and grows, and I don't even know it. This isn't as simple as life throwing curve balls my way. Listen this is hard to explain, while protecting myself and others like me. Just read on, it gets easier, maybe!?!
You see, it started with a nightmare, that started to reoccur, a while ago. These same nightmares, I had many years ago, when I first delved into hard drugs. Those eyes, I thought, I defeted years ago. I honestly thought I no longer needed to overly concerned of, so I pushed it to the back burner. The nightmares came back, though as only the eyes and the dark breathing just got stronger. Dark red and sadistic. I would wake, in a fury of sweat and tears. Oh, it's just a dream, when I would pretend to sleep for the rest of the night. Too scared to close my eyes again. The laughter would resonate in my ears and I would plea, please take this from me. Please remove this from my mind. Shaking and teary eyed, it stayed. Stayed to torment and destroy. What did I do about it? Tried to hide again. It's amazing I have 164 pages of pure knowledge and solutions and I ignore. The mind I have, likes to forget everything I have gathered in the last almost five years. How and why? Five years I should have this stuff mastered, but when, the "old wild Willy" comes back, it's really easy to be blindsided by myself.
The old emotions and thoughts comes back, wanting to lash out and hurt someone. Wanting to give someone that reason to take a poke so I can break a face. It would feel so good, but the emotional backlash, is unbearable. Thankfully nobody has taken the bait. Thankfully the guy upstairs gets in the way and stops things before it gets messy. The fuzziness in the eyes returns and I zone in on pain. Ahhh, it's so bloody frustrating and infuriating.
Nobody asked for life to deal us these bullshit hands we are dealt. We gotta take these cards and flip them. Now, I could have either sat on my hands and pissed and moaned. But I'd rather, take this situation, in which I'm placed in and get my own. It's always darkest before the sun breaks through. And yeah I am rolling now. Slowly to start with but steams a brewing! But even if I told you my whole life's story, and just based on my description from where you see it and where you are sitting, it's probably one hundred and ten percent different. I guess we have to walk a mile in each other's shoes, at least, what size you wear? I wear tens, let's see if mine fit your feet. Step into my shoes, just to see, what it's like to be me and I'll be you just to see what it would be like to feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's minds, just to see what we find looking at stuff through each other's eyes.
It's not all bad, in fact, it's fantastic. I firmly believe, with what has transpired in the last few days for me, I will come out stronger when I'm done with this battle. Yes, I have to slow down and revise my pillar and columns. Looking for defects and start tearing apart what I missed. Rebuild for relieve. Time is what I need and patience is what I ask for. The physical side of Kung fu is going to have to go to maintaince mode. I'm okay with that. This challenge I'm facing IS life and death, I can not afford any screw ups at this point. I've come to far to loose it all for eight minutes of "freedom." Because that's all I get, when I return to the dark side. The other twenty three hours and fifty two minutes, I'm chasing the devil, so to speak. Disappearing act you ask? No, hiding isn't worth it, but, I won't be seeing many for a while. Securing my freedom from my insanity, is going to take time. And, I'm going to have to look at different avenues for a little while. Signing off? Nope. I'm signing up, drafting myself, to wage a war, with a demon that should have known better than to start screwing around again. I was counting on you to count me out. Sure I got knocked down and kicked pretty dang hard, but I will take it, because, I'm will duncan. I'm finding my feet and my focus again, and when I stand tall......look out. I'm bringing the fight to you, you s.o.b. I know what my legacy is going to be. I warned you years ago not to firetruck with me ever again. Stand with me or please stand to the sidelines. There's a-bombs going off, haha!
So, I guess that's it's for now.
Thanks for your time.
I will see you soon
Mr.Duncan
Monday, 25 April 2016
Monday, 18 April 2016
Welcome To The Culling Fields
Great day to all! Great day indeed. What a weekend and a week for that matter. Where to start? I've been thinking about this blog for a while. I'm not overly fond of being consistently late on my blogs. A lot of reasons I have figured out all lead to a lack of engagement in my own training. I haven't been up with the requirements, but, with that being said, when I asked the family if they would mind if I joined I.H.C. Again there was major backlash. We want our dad we missed you dad, etc,etc. A person, has to have something for themselves. There must be something that each and every person is passionate about. My passion is Kung fu. I love practicing techniques, forms and building some really cool forms. I honestly think about Kung fu all the time. Whether I be techniques, or how to make someone's life, just a little better than before. How can I help those like me. How can I help people like me understand their own insanity? It's a big question but the payoff is huge, when the worlds align. So, then, I figured out, that's it's not a lack of engagement, it's different priorities. I promised, I would keep the family in the for-front and my responsibilities at home to come first. And I have and I am. There are times when I kick the family away and train. Not like last year though. When we have our big family fights, minus the wife, I told myself, only with proper form and techniques. It's a honesty system with myself. If I fall out of from or get sloppy with my techniques, the boys "take me down." And that's a lot of fun. It really puts an level of attention to what I am doing. I do get to do different techniques and movements, and I get to see how well they work, to an extent. Fantastic.
Another huge goal for the family is to become as self-sufficient as we possibly can. I do not like the signs from above for the future of Canada, and the world. So the last while, we have been working towards that aspect in our lives. One major part of this family goal, is to harvest and fill the freezer in the fall time. Well, last year, I did not even shoot my bow once. That's not cool. I simply did not have the time. Too much Kung fu. Some of you might disagree with harvesting animals, but this is my question. When the world implodes, and it's winter what you gonna eat? A $30 bag of gmo lettuce? You can, I'll eat the scrumptious tender loins of a deer or a moose, or my favourite, elk!! And then this weekend hit. We were slaughtering our egg layers. They have reached the end of their laying cycle. In my situation, I only see one use for these birds. Freezer, until we meet again. Now, here's the kicker. I was pondering this as I lay the first bird on the chopping block. Do I absolutely have to kill this bird? Do I have to do this to survive? Yup and away I went. I made peace and spoke to the bird and the creator with every swing. When this world implodes, I will be doing what I can to take care of the family. Probably off to the mountains, and guess what's there. All sorts of food. And when winter hits and nothing is growing, you had better have a plan b.
That brought me to this thought. Kung fu teaches us discipline and a sense of empowerment. And if properly practiced, we are at a sense of oneness with the universe and ourselves. If I honestly believe to the tips of my toes and the tops of my hairs, that I am doing the right thing, or the best I can, then I'm doing the right thing. As long as I'm not sadisticaly hurting people or the animals around me, then I'm moving in the right direction. If I continue to take income tall steps towards goals of self-sufficiency, then we will eventually have our goals in our hands. Land and acres of garden and the animals moving through our yard. Beaut. Just because I like to eat meat doesn't mean I need or want to kill every living thing in my sights. I really enjoy the native approach to nature. Only take what I absolutely need. And even then, I must ask permission and seek the okay of the great creator. It's really a beautiful thing when embraced.
But the question I ask is how does this tie into Kung fu training. Well, I came to Kung fu looking for something fun to do. Done. Then I was told to look at mastery of Kung fu and my life. Okay okay. And here we stand looking looking at ways to eliminate mediocaracy from my life. Buying stuff, from a random slaughter house, is not on my list of things I want to do anymore. That's mediocaracy in my perspective. I do not agree with a lot of their methods. There is some sick stuff out there. So, I hunt. In order to hunt successfully one must become a master at tracking, and calling and patience. Eliminate the grocery store as much as possible. I like the sticker that says, organic, non-gmo. Haha. That's a joke in itself. Here's a gmo free banana. How can you tell? Well, look at this sticker!! Yeah, okay! Truth is, in my eyes, it's all crap. Nothing but lies and propaganda. If you do not have the cohunas, to look that animal in the eyes and take its last breath, then you should not say anything about others hunting. Nor should you be a meat eater. If there is not a very clear view of exactly where your food comes from, do some reaserch. Do lots of reaserch. Become informed and empower yourself to do something about it. I like meat way to much, to give it up. So, this year, I will be going back to what I lose I really love, tracking and hunting. Such a good sport. For me, using a rifle is nothing more than cowardly. Any goof can line up a pin a 400 yards and drop an ungulate. The real art is in the stalking and tracking aspect of hunting. I refuse to hunt with a rifle. I believe that's the empowerment of it. Knowing there is a solution to the problem and leading by example towards the end goal. Whether it be simply training or completely overhauling your live. The the change you wish to see in the world.
Well folks, I hope I stayed on course and I will leave it there for now
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Another huge goal for the family is to become as self-sufficient as we possibly can. I do not like the signs from above for the future of Canada, and the world. So the last while, we have been working towards that aspect in our lives. One major part of this family goal, is to harvest and fill the freezer in the fall time. Well, last year, I did not even shoot my bow once. That's not cool. I simply did not have the time. Too much Kung fu. Some of you might disagree with harvesting animals, but this is my question. When the world implodes, and it's winter what you gonna eat? A $30 bag of gmo lettuce? You can, I'll eat the scrumptious tender loins of a deer or a moose, or my favourite, elk!! And then this weekend hit. We were slaughtering our egg layers. They have reached the end of their laying cycle. In my situation, I only see one use for these birds. Freezer, until we meet again. Now, here's the kicker. I was pondering this as I lay the first bird on the chopping block. Do I absolutely have to kill this bird? Do I have to do this to survive? Yup and away I went. I made peace and spoke to the bird and the creator with every swing. When this world implodes, I will be doing what I can to take care of the family. Probably off to the mountains, and guess what's there. All sorts of food. And when winter hits and nothing is growing, you had better have a plan b.
That brought me to this thought. Kung fu teaches us discipline and a sense of empowerment. And if properly practiced, we are at a sense of oneness with the universe and ourselves. If I honestly believe to the tips of my toes and the tops of my hairs, that I am doing the right thing, or the best I can, then I'm doing the right thing. As long as I'm not sadisticaly hurting people or the animals around me, then I'm moving in the right direction. If I continue to take income tall steps towards goals of self-sufficiency, then we will eventually have our goals in our hands. Land and acres of garden and the animals moving through our yard. Beaut. Just because I like to eat meat doesn't mean I need or want to kill every living thing in my sights. I really enjoy the native approach to nature. Only take what I absolutely need. And even then, I must ask permission and seek the okay of the great creator. It's really a beautiful thing when embraced.
But the question I ask is how does this tie into Kung fu training. Well, I came to Kung fu looking for something fun to do. Done. Then I was told to look at mastery of Kung fu and my life. Okay okay. And here we stand looking looking at ways to eliminate mediocaracy from my life. Buying stuff, from a random slaughter house, is not on my list of things I want to do anymore. That's mediocaracy in my perspective. I do not agree with a lot of their methods. There is some sick stuff out there. So, I hunt. In order to hunt successfully one must become a master at tracking, and calling and patience. Eliminate the grocery store as much as possible. I like the sticker that says, organic, non-gmo. Haha. That's a joke in itself. Here's a gmo free banana. How can you tell? Well, look at this sticker!! Yeah, okay! Truth is, in my eyes, it's all crap. Nothing but lies and propaganda. If you do not have the cohunas, to look that animal in the eyes and take its last breath, then you should not say anything about others hunting. Nor should you be a meat eater. If there is not a very clear view of exactly where your food comes from, do some reaserch. Do lots of reaserch. Become informed and empower yourself to do something about it. I like meat way to much, to give it up. So, this year, I will be going back to what I lose I really love, tracking and hunting. Such a good sport. For me, using a rifle is nothing more than cowardly. Any goof can line up a pin a 400 yards and drop an ungulate. The real art is in the stalking and tracking aspect of hunting. I refuse to hunt with a rifle. I believe that's the empowerment of it. Knowing there is a solution to the problem and leading by example towards the end goal. Whether it be simply training or completely overhauling your live. The the change you wish to see in the world.
Well folks, I hope I stayed on course and I will leave it there for now
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Tuesday, 12 April 2016
Living the Life
Hey there. Tuesday. I've never blogged on a Tuesday before. It's kinda odd. Anyhow I am and we are going to get through this night. It's been an off day. Good day, but off. No schedule I guess. Day two of, good bye I quit, looking for another gig. I have decided to take off this week, with a strict no shop talk policy in the house! Time for a break. Every once in a while a guys just gotta stick it to the man and peace out! Haha.
But, now I find, empty time. I gotta fill my time now, and my wife has taken care of that for me. Here's a list of stuff you're doing. So, I go for coffee with gramps! Haha. No. I'm kidding. But I am building her nice large planters for different veggies. I have one finished now and it's cool. I built and upside down "v" and used old barn wood, that I scrapped myself today, to cover it all in. My next project is going to be an octagon type planter. Less challenging but they look great.
Kung fu is coming along nicely. I have started to work the footwork on escrimas this week. That's what I will focus on. I wanted to stay with the hand form as it was becoming a great time time. Still awkward but, not as bad. I changed up a lot of the form and it just feels so much better. You know that feeling in your gut, that's like, mmmm, I like this. Yeah that one. I get that a lot when I nail the form. But, all in all, I made a plan and I should at least give it month to see if it helps. Onto the escrimas. Honestly, I'm happy with the girl. I'm sure there is lots to fix, and I will find out as I continue the footwork treatment. I think for me, the best way to find out what movements will or will not work, is to use them on neighbours. Or a heavy bag. I have found lots of success in finding which strikes are more effective in different positions. Hard to work with locks and breaks with escrima without an arm, but I can still practice smashing you're elbow. Meh!
One last thing. Bane. He had this growth on his arm, so we had it removed. Now Bane's got this cone. This cone is like twice his massive block, And he don't stop for nothing. Furniture walls children, bane don't give no cares. He was on the far side of my youngest and I called Bane He drug Wyatt like a foot by the head with his cone. Wyatt lands face first and bane trips from stepping on Wyatt. Bane and Wyatt come to realize what just happened and they both had the same look of confusion. What the what was that? I couldn't stop laughing it was the best!
Anywho I'm gonna sign off there folks
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
But, now I find, empty time. I gotta fill my time now, and my wife has taken care of that for me. Here's a list of stuff you're doing. So, I go for coffee with gramps! Haha. No. I'm kidding. But I am building her nice large planters for different veggies. I have one finished now and it's cool. I built and upside down "v" and used old barn wood, that I scrapped myself today, to cover it all in. My next project is going to be an octagon type planter. Less challenging but they look great.
Kung fu is coming along nicely. I have started to work the footwork on escrimas this week. That's what I will focus on. I wanted to stay with the hand form as it was becoming a great time time. Still awkward but, not as bad. I changed up a lot of the form and it just feels so much better. You know that feeling in your gut, that's like, mmmm, I like this. Yeah that one. I get that a lot when I nail the form. But, all in all, I made a plan and I should at least give it month to see if it helps. Onto the escrimas. Honestly, I'm happy with the girl. I'm sure there is lots to fix, and I will find out as I continue the footwork treatment. I think for me, the best way to find out what movements will or will not work, is to use them on neighbours. Or a heavy bag. I have found lots of success in finding which strikes are more effective in different positions. Hard to work with locks and breaks with escrima without an arm, but I can still practice smashing you're elbow. Meh!
One last thing. Bane. He had this growth on his arm, so we had it removed. Now Bane's got this cone. This cone is like twice his massive block, And he don't stop for nothing. Furniture walls children, bane don't give no cares. He was on the far side of my youngest and I called Bane He drug Wyatt like a foot by the head with his cone. Wyatt lands face first and bane trips from stepping on Wyatt. Bane and Wyatt come to realize what just happened and they both had the same look of confusion. What the what was that? I couldn't stop laughing it was the best!
Anywho I'm gonna sign off there folks
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Monday, 4 April 2016
Light bulb!
Hi everybody! How did the weekend go? Sounds good by reading every ones blogs. Mine was a good week as well. But, today I found quite empowering. Spiritually especially. Revving back up so to speak. I'm not sure what about this year is so different than the last. I mean first round is always most exciting, but, so far this year not so much. I honestly haven't been training very hard or much for that matter. the movements I have done are just that, movements. Not really much value in them, but here comes the fun part. So, today, I am at work and it hits me. I have had no solid goal in the headlights. I have a purpose but no direction. Cruising in circles, ya know. So, today, I'm at work and a voice keeps ringing in my ears. A goal for the week. A goal for the week? What the what? Ok, I says, just one thing? For now...
I love those realization moments. Its like a kick in the groin, a smack on the keester fist bumping light bulb moment.
Awesome news. I feel the "I'm chilling out" feeling and I see, just one thing at a time. Okay. So, I gotta ask what's the one thing to concentrate on? Well, I want to do it all, at once! After careful deliberation and consideration, I have a goal of "the hand form!" Yes folks that's right! The hand form needs some t.l.c. And I'm gonna give it to her!!
Just tonight the form and I, we danced, for about an hour. There is a much more proficient base already and furious foot work is ongoin. Pause where are my feet? Okay off we go again. Great news I'd say.
The most valuable, I have found out is yes, writing stuff down. So, I found my book again and will write in it after this is done. How many times have I heard that or read that? Too many. But the light bulb burns bright tonight! Haha. I now see the value in writing down daily numbers. It used to be a chore, today, it's a reward. Slowly watching your progress grow and grow. And the lesson of one thing at a time. Weird, must be a conspiracy or something.....
Anyways, that's all I got for now
Mr.Duncan
I love those realization moments. Its like a kick in the groin, a smack on the keester fist bumping light bulb moment.
Awesome news. I feel the "I'm chilling out" feeling and I see, just one thing at a time. Okay. So, I gotta ask what's the one thing to concentrate on? Well, I want to do it all, at once! After careful deliberation and consideration, I have a goal of "the hand form!" Yes folks that's right! The hand form needs some t.l.c. And I'm gonna give it to her!!
Just tonight the form and I, we danced, for about an hour. There is a much more proficient base already and furious foot work is ongoin. Pause where are my feet? Okay off we go again. Great news I'd say.
The most valuable, I have found out is yes, writing stuff down. So, I found my book again and will write in it after this is done. How many times have I heard that or read that? Too many. But the light bulb burns bright tonight! Haha. I now see the value in writing down daily numbers. It used to be a chore, today, it's a reward. Slowly watching your progress grow and grow. And the lesson of one thing at a time. Weird, must be a conspiracy or something.....
Anyways, that's all I got for now
Mr.Duncan
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