Pew pew days!!

Well, here we go! Hanging in there. These last bits been a struggle. I mean, I’m no different than the majority of people out there, I’m just grateful to have had such a good paying job for as long as I did! 

I’m assured this can’t last for ever, but with the way things are looking, yeah, this is going to last for at least another year and the regulations put in place, you might as well as thrown spagetti at a wall and called it safe measures for the public. What an absolute embarrassment out of our premier. Just.....you didn’t listen to the dr’s you don’t listen to your own advisors, you’re useless and you should be ripped out of office and held accountable in a public square....tar, feathers and rocks. It’s been too long since we as a society have actually held these politicians accountable. 

Things would change if we did....I’ll lite the fuse friends! I’ll stand front and center! I have to stop here! I can’t handle the crap anymore....

So, instead of going insane, I’ve called to talk to Gramps and see if he needs any help! No answer! Tried the home phone, no answer...umm, honey, I gotta go check on Gramps! He’s not answering his phone! I have to go like right now! Oh thankfully, Gramps is okay, he’s deaf and his tv was on at darn near full blast! Whew!!! Oh and grandma is working from home...oh goodness you scared me Gramps! Haha. He took a small tumble and he’s kinda buggered up. He will not go to the hospital, I’m fine. I’m just fine. I fell I didn’t die for Christ sakes...okay Gramps. You’re spot on old man!! He’s a tough old bugger. Grew up a cowboy, worked iron for 30ish years, and I mean he’s my grandpa. Toughest, sweetest best person I have ever known. Huge expectations! Tough growing up under him, big boots to fill, but, I try hard to make him proud of me! He’s hired some guy to do a bunch of work on the farm and I suggested I’ll do that for ya Gramps! You paid that guy for that? Shoot Gramps, just call! Only payment I’ll ask for is to be able to go shooting when I would like to! Farms cleaned up for the season. Just go shooting will!! You’ve earned you’re place out here! A small compliment from Gramps is not something you normally get, let alone a conversation! Ha, I’d sit in the tractor with Gramps for hours and we wouldn’t say too much. I’d go out for coffees and it’s quiet. No need! Only fools carry on Will! Only speak when you have too, that way people have to listen! Don’t speak or say more than what you have to say! To the point and leave it! 

Follow me...I grew up hanging out on the farm. My grandparents farm has always been my escape. When things where bad at home, I’d try to get out to the farm. When I was alone fighting the world, I go to the farm. Whenever I needed an escape the farm was always there for me. I have spent so much time on the farm, working cattle, fixing fences, corralling cattle, chasing bulls, clearing out coyotes, picking rocks, or just playing with my cap guns out in the field! “Grandma, there was an army of bad guys coming to get us, but I took cover by the grain bins and got them all grandma! No more bad guys here!” Grandma would just smile and ask about what happened and how did I get all those soldiers! Grandma, I’m a ninja. They can’t get me. I have my trusty 6-shooters. None of them can out draw me!! I had two metal six-shooter cap guns! Had my own cowboy hat and Grandma had a leather smith build a belt, holsters and chaps for me to go play with and honestly, I always had them on! In the tractor, fixing fences, I had those “pistols” with us and I protected everyone! Haha  oh to be 25 again...oh I mean 5 years old....

 There is a spot of a forest out there, in particular, sitting right in the rivers edge. There’s a very old home from around 50-70 years ago. Hard to tell! Nobody really knows for certain. Mother Nature has taken the house and yard back, but, as a child and still today, I like to just go and sit down there. No noise, no guns, that all stays up on top of the hill. Just be by myself. Be lost in my thoughts and mind! No matter how shitty my situation at home, no matter how bad the ass kicking I got, I always found peace out there, on that tree stump, next to the delapetated home of folks of the past! Just sit and be! Still today, if you know what to look for, you can sometimes find momentous from how many years ago!  It many, I’ve cleaned most of it up. The woodpecker out there, I don’t know if it’s the same one, but, every single time I go there old woody the woodpecker pounds me a song! I never forget to thank him! He’s my boy! Or girl! Whatever, it’s my bud! 

Anyhow I was off on a different planet. Loaded up my arsenal and took off to the shooters corner. And I’m walking and walking. I’m focusing on my steps, focus on nature! Focus on where I am and what I’m doing! I loose focus on the insanity around me. I literally open the first cattle gate to pass through and it’s like there’s a wall there. An invisible wall that blocks all the bullshit. After here, you can no longer hear the noise of people or tractors or chainsaws! It’s so quiet. My first hundred yards of walking is where the cattle hang for the winter! Hey cows! I stop and take a gander. Not many left! Gramps is too old. They stare at me and I stare at them! And so I carry on south east. It’s open field that ties into the beginnings of a forest and pasture to the south! I used to play in there, in that forest. It’s grown much since my childhood. Fond memeries of chasing bad guys and setting up forts! I stopped yesterday and just looked and reminisced about the past. And i carry on, almost there, kind of. We walk down into a bit of a valley, or we can jump the fence and zig-zag. Watch the old barbed wire fence, I guess that wasn’t needed to get cleaned up...spring time I suppose! That’s a lot of barbed wire!! Gonna need a truck and reels and better gloves! Almost. We have crossed the last fence line. The final couple hundred yards! No we walk out if this small valley and up on top of a small hill! There’s another larger hill directly north of me! I walk to the top of that hill, pull out the binoculars and do the triple check for humans hanging around. Found a deee carcass...looks like coyotes got her. And they are still close by! Hmm looks fresh, tracks are still fresh, as in the snow hasn’t crusted yet, telling me, this was less than 24hrs old! Leave it be, that’s for the coyotes! I’ll go back for some of the bones in the spring time. Mother Nature at her most raw moments. Understand the life cycle and how the food chain works, outside of humans! 

And so, I continue back to my shooting position to get set up! Down the hill into a small valley, with dense trees surrounding me! You can not see me from anywhere on the land except for on the hill to the north and immediately besides me! My shell from the world! I don’t just smash rounds through any of my guns, no matter how tempting it is to just spew rounds down range! Nope, I spent good money on these rounds and it’s going to count! My friend does reloading and I spend $1.50 a round from him! They are well worth it! But my other rifle costs ten cents to shoot, but still, I take my time. And my new gun is around 75 cents a round. Every shot counts folks! Yes, I do enjoy loading up the 22 and dumping that mag in like 30sexonds, but, it’s not the easiest on the gun. Especially in below zero temps! The guns cool and heat up so fast, you have to be careful, the heat distortion and moisture build up can wreck your gun! But, just below zero is a great temp to shoot at. Truly is! Just be cautious. 

In any event, yesterday, I’ve got my phone playing music quietly, ear plugs in, can only hear my thoughts and the soft hum of a familiar tune! ! I have no one around, no one is bugging me, I have terrible reception. Perfect! Even my missus is like, are you going shooting? Can you? Please? You always come home so much calmer and happier. It’s okay Will, go shooting! I’m there for a few hours plugging away. Shooting, making notes, shooting, inspecting, checking targets, making more notes, and double checking ammo selections, watching my groups, making stance adjustments and so on! Breaking down and rebuilding my firearms in the field! Looking for any kind of distortion! What’s working nicely in these conditions and what’s being stubborn. Stupid Winchester rounds, be better! Not one thing on my mind outside of accuracy and guns!! Love it!! 

Suns going down and winds picking up! Temps dropped about 5 degrees in as many minuets. Time to head back! Not one piece of garbage, it drives me nuts when I see garbage on the farm, I literally get instantly pissed when there’s trash out there! I’m walking out of where I have spent my day and sifu text comes through! Oh well that’s really cool! Checking in and seeing how a fella is! Solid! It honestly was a perfect ending to a perfect day! Made me feel good! I mean, I was feeling very good about shooting and just stress free, and then Big Bossman Brinker is texting to see how I am! Really made my day. Thanks I appreciate the reach out. 

I wish I could say how great and amazing I am doing! But lets be honest, I’m here and one foot in front of the other. Insomnia...check, lack of appetite...check! Perfect, going just how I planned! This too will pass, and with faith and time we as a society just might be able to get out of this in one piece...let’s just stick together, do what’s right for the greater good and you know what, we will pick up the pieces and rebuild, like humans have done for thousands of years. We have to stick together as a collective and take care of each other. 

I’m all done caring about feelings and emotions. Be part of the solution or honestly get out of the way. I don’t give a crap about your ability to go buy pointless plastic and rubber shit that you won’t use in a months time...We need to move on and the stupid mask/race division is embarrassing. Just wear it and quite being disrespecting your fellow humans!  I have view points about a certain generation leaving before we can honestly start moving forward! Be a member of society. Stand up for the weak and vulnerable. Help each other and by god, if you’re going to run off at the mouth, at least have the gumption to have a respectful conversation either way of your stance. Use facts and proper English or just keep quiet! Back to grandpas words of wisdom. Keyboard warriors, need to get tarred and feathered with some of these politicians.......

Anyhow, I feel I’ve rambled on long enough. 

Thanks for your time folks! 

Hopefully I’ll see you soon. 

Mr.Duncan. 

Staying Alive

 Good day. So I’m writing this blog. I have two others written, but, I’m writing another. I really don’t know what to say or do anymore. 

I said to heck with everything and I’ve been in contact with nait. I’d like to re-educate myself, but, in what and where I don’t know. I know going back to school at my age can be done. I see it all the time. Made some calls got some more directions with nait! This adult thing sucks man. Got solid numbers for actual life costs abouff if going to school...Whew! Overwhelming, but it’s okay. I see the mountain for what it is now, not what I thought it was!   

Honestly though. I don’t know what I’d like to do. I’m past my prime for what I really felt my calling was and that’s okay. I would have made a hell of a cage fighter, boxer, pro wrestler. I’m not getting my brains rattled at this age. I have enough things loose up there. Time to let go! 

So, I’ve played with power engineering and a couple of classes like that. I’m starting to understand you need to try to find a job in this field before, would be best. It’s more if an apprenticeship I guess? This field can be broken into how I’m going about it, I think it’s the much harder way. I am not known for doing things the easy way! Haha. I’m waiting for further conversation for the ABSA before I invest too much else in this specifically  

(Insert crappy late night telemarketing music)

Do you need heavy stuff picked up moved over there and put down? Do you need someone who can live on caffeine and nicotine, understands old man slang, is hip with young kid mumble and all sorts of in between. Do you need a guy who likes digging out trenches by hand because, heck, can’t let the backhoe have all the fun!! Do you need someone to climb this skinny colum 60ft up, hold on with his teeth and then just hang out while you swing more hunks of steel at his face and he asks for more please sir? Do you have a neighbor that causes you headaches, migraines or other pain in the ass symptoms and just need them to stop? Than look no further I’m your man! Just call 1-800-NO-SWEAT and prepare to have your dreams come true! For all you discouraging barking dogs, convincing loud neighbours to stop, re-educating the persons who owe you money or simply installing pipelines from your friends well to yours! I can do it! That’s 1-800-NO-SWEAT. 

Prepare for the everyone’s favourite part!! All this and more for four simple easy payments of 49.99 daily! I take all payments plus more!! What’s better no taxes! We don’t talk about 1-800-NO-SWEAT outside of this!! 

Don’t delay call today 1-800-NO-SWEAT  

Haha!! Ahhh gotta be able to laugh at ourselves! 

I have never really invested in me. And well, I should have. I truly didn’t think I needed to outside of working like a demons do adapting physically when needed to. It’s okay. The writing is on the wall, time to change time to adapt. This one, it’s gonna be a huge shift. Anyways I’m not absolutely  sure what I want to study but I do have to refresh up. Thankfully nait has some free online classes, with more that I can study and review. Ha! Awesome. More fractions. And I did learn I don’t like nouns!! 

Okay. I have a small confession. Secretly, I’ve always liked math. I mean. Like like math! Yeah I secretly like math that much! I wish I could write out and under stand or strive to some of the equations these math guys use! I wish I had the knowledge to write these formulas out and look for improvement like scientists do! I’d like to be able to take each part of , for instance theory of relativity and be able explain it to someone. Or the physics behind Hawkins radiation. That stuff is super cool man. Nothing can exit a black hole, except for the surplus of addition energy that’s exchanged for gamma radiation? What? Theoretical physics is a really cool place! String theories and molecular manipulation and what exists as we see it, doesn’t quite exist as we see it! Multiple universes! Oh the possibilities for our societies and progress! The tech we have in space was proven on earth! We may not get to play with it all, but the mathematics are there! The blueprints to everything in the universe is written somehow in our mathematics. And that has always blown me away! The way is in the math! Be able to have an understanding of physics and mathematics where I can just visualize things like that. I know it’s far cry from what and who I am! Haha! 

Who knows where I can go from here...

Well that was drawn out eh!! No matter thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan 

 Anyhow. This year much like for many many others has been horrible. I am no lone soldier in this one folks. Pandemic, no pandemic like what the happened. 

I cannot put into word this year. I was back in contact with my daughter. Oh man. What a feeling. I was on cloud nine. So badly I wanted to be dad and get to know her and hang out and such. She started with great interest, mind you, she’s a 16 kid that’s probably really confused. Growing up with no dad he’s never around. He never wanted you. And to find out your dad is not only missing you like crazy, that he wants you in his life. He never wanted you to leave and court orders and lies and deceit kept him away. Doesn’t know what to think. I’ll let her reach to me I suppose. She won’t return calls and texts. I’ll wait some more...

My new career, boy friends I was killing it. I had earned more than respect from my crew members. I have had inspectors and engineers write recommendations and write character letters for me and they sent them directly to the big bosses. Inspectors would walk past my foreman and talk to me. I would politely direct them to the boss and they looked confused that I wasn’t running the crew. No sweat I’d say. Give me time. I had not only gone outta my way to meet people build relationships outside of work, I had honestly started shifting my life towards this career. My wife and I had made plans that give me time to establish myself here and we potentially will move here. Found some land. Was more than willing to grow and take over this company.  I worked my way to the top of the boys and was going to take bigger steps. I had worked lined up until Xmas with steady income into next summer...the boss looked dead in my eyes and said you will not have to worry  you will be okay! Wow that’s great to hear! And I worked harder! I meant it when I said I was working so hard I would puke up parts of my lunches! I meant it when I said I was the guy who no problem would put in 12-14hr days and only get paid for 11! That’s what you do when you want what I had! You earn it! 

And, unfortuanatly, my gosh darned family decided she needed free money from the hand that feeds us and we, my brother and I both lost our careers over someone else taking money. Then when I question said person it’s my fault. I’m the asshole for her putting stolen money that I didn’t know about on my cheques, when I very clearly stated to her, I can not loose this gig! Stop doing that please, I do not want to leave! These guys treat me like gold, do not do this to me....low and behold...I was treated like the criminal and got fired, and this other person managed to save her career, by throwing me and my brother under the bus....

So now what? I ask this question over and over. I’ve honestly lost a lot of desire. I’m having a hard time training because, I do not see the light. The purposeful driven reasoning I have carried, I don’t see the value in it anymore. I won’t be competing in tournaments, I don’t fight in the streets anymore! I’m so extremely depressed, I just don’t care. Let’s as a society just get to this revolution already. It’s time we as a group of citizens start fighting back. 

I can’t handle this pandemic bullshit anymore. I think this is embarrassing and ridiculous. We have managed to crippled how many people across the world for an advanced flu. A flu that is targeting an aging population and truly only disrupting 1-3% of a population. Yeah let’s cripple the world for some old people that are, let’s be honest, going to pass within the next few months maybe years if they are lucky. Don’t you care about the older people? I do! I also recognize the fact that everyone dies! Not always do we get to go how we want! No, you think I’m wrong? Ask the pipelined who just got crushed on site who had four little kids, the car accident victim that got smoked by a drunk driver cut outta their prime...but lets cripple the entire world for a bunch of people who quiet honestly are burdens on society and holding the rest of us back from moving on in these times. 

I am really sick of these fn boomers who had every single support network, had a booming world from rebuilding after the world wars, have purposely driven up the prices with greed and capitalism and then, when their system fails that I have been forced into, it’s my fault....duck iffboomer and get Covid and let the rest of us change and move on! Racism is honestly an old person thought and if we could rid of the majority of these bigots their voices will eventually disappear and we can quite fighting over a skin pigmentation! I don’t understand why we still treat others like half rate citizens? It blows me away! And I have gotten into near fist fights telling people to shove their ignorant views! I’m done listening to bullshit! Gonna start putting people to sleep! 

That’s another thing  whatever happened to a simple punch in the lips for running off when you should be listening or not talking! Just because you have an opinion doesn’t mean anyone cares about it! Mine included  I understand! But if gotta listen to how terrible of a person I am, because its simply treason you adulterated our Canadian flag with rainbows, that’s flat out wrong! You want a pride flag awesome, stop disrespecting every god damn person that has died in a war or fought for our freedoms. That’s entitlement at it’s finest. 

You know something, I’ve said this how many times, but, it’s extremely audacious and ignorant of us, as a species, to feel so entitled that we think we deserve to be on this planet for ever....listen. How many mass species die offs have happens on this planet? Here we are, crying because our time is running out? Have some pride and act like a respectable human. It’s called evolution. We have hidden behind science and doctors with our illnesses for how many decades. Yes science and medicine has greatly advanced our life expectancy! Sure has, but with all the medicines and over medications, we are creating super bugs. Covid is not a super bug. Never has been. The actual pandemic that’s coming from this “pandemic” is going to gut us as a society. You don’t honestly sit there and think that we will be here forever do you? Yes every life is valuable, but, since we listen to Mother Nature so much, pay attention to what she is saying. We have over-populated and destroyed this planet. Mother Nature has found a way to be done with the old and weak. And her we are screaming at each other over a piece of cloth, that statiscally shown have shown it doesn’t work like everyone thought. If masks where so important and useful, why, oh why are they a thing now? Seems a little weak at this point. People dropping in the streets, like they tried to scare us with in the spring...what’s our rates and numbers? Not even close. 

Principle before Personalities

 Principles before personalities. I think today was a day of growth. See, okay after how long I’ve finally gotten closure on this. I took that lay-off that really curve balled me. It broke my spirit. Slapped me hard. It wasn’t the lay-off it was why. Family members working in the money department taking what isn’t theirs. I was guilt by association and that sent me into a fury. And I didn’t even get a chance to say anything. Just over the phone your done here...

So, anyhow, I have asked the questions to my family and sorted out that disaster. Believe me, chill convo yo through the roof in about two seconds. I honestly needed to know how much money my career was worth to family ...Awesome...

 Now I needed to get closure on my career going bye bye. I made the calls to my old bosses. I answered the questions and honestly owend every second of all my wrongdoings. I took ownership and just explained myself and my actions. It’s not that I’m overly keen on going back, it is plain and simply my name my reputation, every drop of sweat I poured, was in an instant drug through the mud by someone else, and that’s not okay with me. I could not stand that on my name. 

My life motto is simply you only got two things in this world that matter Your name and your word! What you stand for and what you say! And one ain’t spit without the other  

So, as you may tell, I needed to and so I cleared my side of the street up today as humbly as I could. 

And so the lesson lives true. 

Don’t work with family

Mr.Duncan 

Caffeine and too much of it!

 Hola! It’s been a while yeah! Well, really let’s get at it. I honestly don’t have a lot to report to be honest. I’ve hit the heavy bag and do a couple of for. Reps and that’s around it for now. I ride the bike a lot still and still do a lot with my dog considering the weather.

I’ve managed to stay stuck upstairs. I’m really not sure what to do next. Ha. I’m not working. I’m scared to spend cash on schooling. I mean there are classes I’d like to do. That’s be cool. Just don’t know. It’s okay. Things are still well for me. 

I’ve taken some steps forwards in a few areas of life and I’m talking to people again. I went silent for a few weeks, haven’t much talked to many. Don’t mind it most times. I reached out to an old friend I haven’t seen in a few years. This fella. He has always been a solid sounding board for me. He was crucial in my early sobriety. I honestly owe a large part of my sobriety to him. He was the guy whom legit refused to approach or talk to me, because you just didn’t know...ha. His words not mine! Ha. He’s not wrong. 

I guess I’ll mention I gut my arse handed to me in smoking there. Man I had some...days... I got so sick and the shakes just spinning and spinning, I just wanted to think...but it’s cool! Learning curve. Another guy I know he’s doing the nic-spray...says it helps.

I mean this year for all has been rough for all. Today, I’m staying grateful for the family I have with me today. I have been a good person this last while, just I’m lost. There’s so much I want to do. I do much I know I can accomplish. I just don’t know where to start!! 

I know it sounds a little down, this blog, but I’m really not. Doing okay. Enjoying time with the family know while I can. Anyhow, I’m going to go stare at a ceiling and hopefully I sleep! It’s amazing on how little of sleep a person can “function” on. Here’s to another great week everyone!

Thanks for your time 

Mr.Duncan