Why good day there people! It's mr.D here. Live and uncut!! Uh-oh. Well, it's that time of the year again. That time of the year, that I celebrate putting down my poisons and picking up the big books.
Today, I don't know, I don't like to dwell in the past, but I can not close the door on my past either. It was funny last night I was talking to some folks and about 930 last night I said, oh look, six years ago at about this exact time, I started my last black out drunk. Oh the memories I do not have!! Haha. See I can laugh about that stuff today. I can joke and laugh at myself and my utter stupidity. There was a time, where I was absolutely embarrassed to even think about the wreckage of my past. But, as the mind clears and the works gets done, you realize just how much laughter does heal the soul. Pencil to paper, we fearlessly rip apart our past. We take an honest look at our side of the street. Our side only, is the key word there. I used to blame my drinking on my folks, and society and my job and my kids and my dog and the traffic and the weather and the moon and so on for forever more. Once I learnt the essence of the Program, I learnt a very valuable lesson. It's not other folks and their problems, that were my problems, it was my issues and mine alone. I took so much so personally, that, I didn't know whether I was coming or going. I drank to wash away my dreams and my life goals. I mean believe it or not, I was going to be a professional wrestler. That's right. I wanted to be like Stone Cold Steve Austin and Razor Ramon. Like some mutation of a Stone Cold Razor Ramon!! My heart pumped and emotions always rode tall when I turned on Monday night raw and Monday night Nitro. Yelling and screaming at the screen. Doing everything I could to cheer them on from my basement. I wanted to be on that main stage on tv, jaw jacking trash talking. Let's be honest right here, right now. When I started watching wrestling at the age of 5, I was in love. Those big strong guys doing all those really awesome stunts big moves and flying off the top turnbuckle. These guys turned into my idols. When all you see is negative self destructive lifestyles, the only heroes I had where fake ass people on some god damn fake tv show. They were the only positive thing I had in my life. No joke. Gotta pull from somewhere. Honestly, I mean happy I had at least that. Some people had even less than me.
Man I wanted it. I started training. Lifting weights, started to take my body and mind seriously. I started throwing myself and hitting the ground hard. I asked for a weight set, and the response was, why, you can't even pick yourself up! Truck off man, I'm trying here. No idea what I was doing, but, I was training!! I was about 15 when I decided, yup, that's what I am going to do! So I would push myself. I would stay up late and crush some sit-ups and push ups while watching the live broadcasting. I was in love. I would wander the town with tooth picks and matches in my mouth. I thought up promos and characters I could develope. Then I heard one day, that there was a wrestling school in Calgary, run by the Hart Foundation. Awesome. These guys where the best as it was. Brett and Owen Hart. I could go to regular school all week and hit hart foundation on weekends. I had it all figured out. Well, not really, but I had a plan. The wrestlers that came outta that school where always on tv. They were always top performers and their wrestling abilities were envious. Excellence of execution. I couldn't wait. I even had a job lined up to pay for the training and travel.
The day came where I finally worked up the courage to talk to my folks about this dream of mine. And it went like, That's stupid. Just like your karate and art work. It is not a way to make a living. You should be an engineer. In fact you will be an engineer. That's what you will do will. So stay in school. I figured out that my folks wanted to live their dreams through me. Not fair. Not cool. And in the matter of seconds another dream crushed and more resentments built up. It was about then that I said f&ck this, and walked into a depression and stayed there for almost eleven years. Shortly after hearing crap like that again and again, I hated that I could not dream for myself or have my own desires. My folks where hell bent on me Going to college or some crap, but, if anybody actually knew me, I hated school. I was there because I had to be. The kids, the teachers, the little clicks, the crap you learnt that doesn't do you any bit of good in the real world. Nobody gives two sweat craps that you can make gun powered outta limestone, that tid bit will not get you food. Nope I put it to the test. Fell flat on my face.
Even though, I started drinking way earlier in life, I didn't want it, like I wanted it after these constant let downs. I always knew, without the shadow of a doubt that, I wanted Alcohol in my life. Booze never ever let me down. It never told me no. It never showed me doubt or hesitation. It was always there for me, unlike a lot of people in my life at those times. I turned my back on a lot of people too, because, booze was there and they were not. And besides everyone else drank so I will too. If I can't chase my dreams then I will chase this bottle. At the time, I'm not sure if that's what I thought or if I just hated everyone and wanted the escape. And escape I did, right until I could no longer put the bottle down. I escaped alright, but I had no idea on how to come home. But, that's how I dealt with stuff as a kid. Then I learnt that with a few punches or aggressive behaviour I can get what I wanted outta people. I was not the biggest guy around, so I had to get crazy, and crazy, became my middle name!! Ol' Wild Willie was my nickname for years and years.
Boy, I'm kinda jumping around today, but, meh, whatever. Today, where am I? Well, listen here, even though, yes, it sounds like I blame a lot on my folks. The fact of it all, is this. They did the best they could have, with the tools they had. I could have chased that dream. I could have just packed my bags and left town. But I didn't. I chose not too. As much as the negativity wasn't my fault, the response, I was responsible for. I wish I knew that, but, I didnt. Today though, I am not able to chase my dreams of wrestling, but I have this gift of Kung fu. Kung fu, was another childhood dream. A dream that today's, after lots of works, I am allowed to chase. I will never be a WWE World Heavy Weight Champion, I know that. But, I can still be a Silent River Grand Champion. And that there folks, is all I need. I will cut my own promos! Like oh better watch yourselves cause at the Tiger Challenge, Wild Willie is coming back for a one event showing!! One time only, crazy eyes is coming to dance! Haha.
With all this being said. With having to go through all this crap and laying and living in ditches. Getting beat up and beat down. Running from and after people. Living in such conditions and flat out hating everyone, honestly, I would not change one thing. Not today. I'm happy with my life. I'm happy I'm living this life, they way I am. The God lord gave me a good life, it's up to me to accept it and make it better. I have a handful of really good friends, there's people who would fight for me, that's a first. But, most importantly, above all else, I am sober. I don't have to look for my vehicle or wonder if I ran someone over last night. I can just simply be.......
"You can talk of your Psalms 3:16 and your John 3:16, but Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass and that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold says so"
Stone Cold Steve Austin 1964-present
Anyways, I am going to enjoy my six year sobriety date. You guys enjoy your days
Until next time
Mr.Duncan
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