hey everyone what a day indeed!! So, BOOM, I got to sit down and meet my little girl Saturday afternoon. Holy horse poop, that was the best day of my life! With out a doubt, man alive, cloud nine? No. Cloud nine doesn't exist anymore. I lite that on fire. I am simply euphoric. No other words can compare to expressing my sense of wowie today!
So here goes. A year and a half ago, I made a very tough phone call and made an amendment to my ex-mother in law. I explained that I was not the same person they once knew me as. I had commenced on a new journey and a new way of life. I was open and honest with her. No more secrets. I have nothing to hide any more. She was very thankful, for the phone call and the update on my life. She asked if I wanted to push for Sarah in my life. I did express I lost that privilege when I walked away, and that they have all of my trust to make the right decision to bring me into Sarah's life. From that phone call on, Sarah's grandparents really started showing interest in me and my family. Through faceook and other means of social media. And my girl had questions and more questions. Her interest seemed positive. Well, last Saturday, my mom ran into Sarah and her grandma. That very timely interaction lead to an immediate plan for the upcoming Saturday to have tea/coffee, just the three of them. I was ecstatic, but, still, I stayed in the background. I truly wanted to keep my motives clear. Whenever, my baby was ready to meet me. I could not, with a clear conscious, barge in on that meeting without being invited. Last Tuesday night, Sarah woke up crying for me, I was informed, she then asked if I could be there on the upcoming Saturday. Heck yeah, I told my mom. I do not care what I miss, it will not be that get together!
Boy was I in "all over the map mode" for the next week. My mind raced like freight train. The "what-ifs" set in. I started to ruin the situation in my mind, before it even happened. I realised, quickly, what was happening. I asked for help, and I received it. I asked Sifu for advice, and it was the most constructive I think. He reminded me to simply enjoy the moment for what it truly is. Just enjoy her presence. What a gift that was. I was thinking about having to explain myself and how can you explain these things to a kid. And all these other thoughts like that. Nope. Just enjoy the moment.
So, the day finally came after an excruciatingly long wait, Hours seemed like days. Minutes like hours. But then, all of a sudden, I hear the word "Dad?" Then after an awkward approach, I have my daughter in my arms, holding her tight. Not ever wanting to let go. What a feeling of wow! I still do not have the words for that moment in time. Joy, happiness, that will have to work. Bam, right in the face, all these emotions hit. Thankfully, we were walking into the restraunt and I caught my breath. Where am I? What time is it? What am I doing? Here, now, meeting my daughter. The rest of the meeting went amazing. She seemed to loosen up and kind of warm up to me. Cant blame her, it has been eight years. I would be leery too. Boy oh boy, what a feeling. I kept my motives pure and just concentrated on her and what she was talking about or showing me or even just sitting there. Man we drew pictures for each other, played x's and o's. She made a slide show on her device to show me. Pictures of her kitten and her dance pictures. Boy, she kicks ass at dance. She is eleven and dancing with sixteen year old girls. She has 32 medals and trophies from her dancing. Hold the phone that's really awesome. And her hair, man it looked like gold, and its so long. Wow, she is pretty.
We chilled for three hours and just talked and talked. We shared a plate of chicken fingers and fries. I was supposed to go to a get-together, that night, but there was no way I was leaving without my baby girl leaving. But, you know, as nervous and anxious as everyone was the warm embrace before we parted ways for the night was satisfying. I, today, am a very content. This is, what I have been working towards for over eight years now. That moment in time, made every painful day worth it. Every success, every disappointment, every time I wanted to quit but did not, was rewarded in a ten second moment in time. One amazing hug! Its true, the rewards are not as large or as often as the sacrifices and the time we put in, but, the rewards are satisfying beyond belief. Never have I known happy, joyous and free, like I know today. We will be amazed before we are half way through. And this guy right here is in complete awe!
All because I went to a program that asked me to look at my side of the street. To look at and repair what I ruined. All because I said, "yes, I want to change, can I have your help?" The immense feeling of gratefulness I have today is immeasurable. There is no measuring cup that can measure this amount of love folks. I thought for a quick second on Wednesday, I don't deserve this. That little voice in my head, reminded me that this meeting up was not for me. It was for my daughter. She needs this more than ever. And maybe I can get outta the way and just try to be there this time. What an opportunity, man alive. I am one lucky guy.
You know, through all of that, I still managed to talk to her about Silent River Kung Fu. Haha! Kung fu was still resonating in my mind every so brightly. The lessons I have learnt where put to the test. I think I did well. Things I wanted to say and blurt all over the place. But I did not. I kept on breathing and focusing my energy on her. I asked if she has ever seen a tradition lion dance. I asked if she has ever seen a kung fu tournament. I told her about ours and proceeded to ask if she wanted to come and watch the tournament. She says yes. I tell her what events I'm in and she likes the board breaking. She wants to see it done first hand. I said, oh yeah there is going to be boards breaking. I'm going to break my boards all over the place!! That made her laugh. So, hopefully, if she is feeling confident enough, she will come to watch the tiger challenge. Now, I am really pumped! I thought I was jacked before, now, I'm motivated people!! Amazing, I finally, get to prove, just what kind of a man her daddy truly is. I do not know if you know how empowering that is? How amazing it feels, to get to show by example. She heard about it, now she gets to really see what happens when someone works hard for change. When they just don't quit. When nothing can hold you back from obtaining a goal. And you're just....obsessed with becoming a better person. Obsession; a beautiful thing.
Really quickly, I read in this book recently, that it is my life, yes, but the key to a good life is sharing our life's with each other. It is selfish to keep our lives secret. True gifts come from sharing our life story with each other.
Anyhow, so there you have it. That is where I am. Euphoric and proud to be here.
Thanks for your time
Humbly yours
Mr.Duncan
No comments:
Post a Comment