The Year Of The Mokey

    Well, well, well, it's just about time. Chinese New Year is almost upon us. A new year of challenges and goals to obtain is just about here.  Now, I may not be joining the rooster team, but, I am carrying a lot of life lessons from I Ho Chuan into the future with me.  There are lessons of great value that I have learnt about, in my time with IHC. Lessons that I simply can not forget about. These last two years have been great. I have truly enjoyed myself. Lessons about what it honestly means to be a black belt. The total package, not just someone who can throw kicks and punches. One of my greatest challenges has been, getting and staying motivated in kempo Kung fu.  This last year has, well, sucked for myself. I have had some great success this year in some things, but, in other aspects it has sucked. Escrimas, as much fun  as I have been having with them, I have had a hard time really evolving my form.  I mean, it's okay. It's not bad even, but, I should be better.  But, with saying that, it's also as good as it's going to get right now. Tearing it apart and trying to re-invent it at this point is, silly. So, all I can really do the time being is just, keep smoothing it out.
   The hand form I started in the beginning of the year really stopped evolving in the spring time.  Unfortuanatly, it's pretty well non-existent.  That's okay. I have a place to start, I have an idea of where to go and how to get there, but I simply did not put the proper amount of time in. It's too bad, I was on a roll.  I was cooking on high, with gas.  Then, I ran out of gas, I guess. That hurt the old ego, and it proved to be a tough one to overcome. It's okay. There is always today. Today, can always be a second chance.
   Smoking, well....that sucked. Numerous quitting attempts with Equal amounts of fails.  Darn! That goal really, really crippled me. Every time, I would attempt to quit, I just, I don't know. That's the sum of it. I just fell apart. I'm positive, my biggest stumbling block, is "I want to want to quit". You follow? Me neither. I swore to myself, this year was going to be different. I swore I was going to breath cleanly this year. And I think I accumulated a few days and a ton of hours of non-smoking, but, nothing with any real bite behind it.  So, this goal, proved to be an ongoing goal. I will defeat this demon of mine, but, I guess not with the bull headed approach I have been using, for the last twenty years. I won't quit trying to quit, until I finally do quit.  It's something that really has to happen. Otherwise I'm only half of a martial artist, in my eyes anyhow. I spoke with Sifu about this and he has given me some great ideas to help quit. And I like the idea of not obtaining a specific belt level until I quit smoking, for a minimum set period of time. Monday at class we will continue this conversation, as I would like to achieve blue belt. But, the thought of still smoking and getting my next belt level, seems to me like I am cheating myself. Not giving myself the proper tools I need, to be a complete martial artist.
   I did accomplish a few things this year though, that's for sure.  I was out my bicycle a lot this year. Far more physical movements. Especially having to walk the mini horse that we call Bane. There were a lot of victories as a family. Very positively enforcing relationships with the kidos and wifey-poo.   I have done far more reading this year than before and my temper is getting a lot better. I read Animal Farm to the kids. That was cool. The questions that came from that book. Awesomeness!  I have continued to quite the screaming voices in my head.  I have successfully looked relapse in the eyes and pushed it out of my path. I was able to resist the urge to completely fall into the old willie's ways. Thank sweet mother of pearl, I jumped outta that hole as quickly as I did. That was determination, that's what that was. Bull headed not doing that again, even if I have to sew my hands in my pockets, I am not picking that damn drink up again! today, you will have to kill me to get a drop of booze in my mouth again. Lots of help, though, lots of help from the big guy and my friends. Never can I say, I did alone. Nope, so many people helping me along the way. I must be blessed, because I sure feel like it some days.
  For myself though, the most frustrating part of this year was the classes on Thursday nights. I remember last year saying to Sifu, that classes going to a Thursday night would, well, be near the end of my career in IHC. And that proved to be a very real fact. Every Thursday night I needed to make a decision. Do I go and hang with people like me, who share the same very treaterous way of life I face without the proper amount of spiritual backing, or do I go play with my escrimas with the team? A decision that weighed very very heavy on me every single week. Then, a guy has these guilty thoughts because he makes a decision, that he feels is best for his mental state. Not best for his training. And believe it or not, I did feel bad not being there. It's near impossible to be apart of the team, without being there in person.  I mean, let's be honest here, blogging only goes so far as for team commitment. Unfortuanatly, I did not feel comfortable enough to start missing more meeting than I did. Even this month, I haven't been to a meeting yet, as I am really pushing hard for this new year celebration.  And I feel it. I feel the sickness inside rearing its ugly head again.  But, it's okay, because, we are almost there. And I know I will be okay, because I a man with good people and training partners. It's will be okay, simply put, because I am with The monkey teamies. Thanks guys.
   One thing that I am extremely grateful for, is having the opportunity to jump back into the demo, at the end of the year. Like that's really right on guys, and I truly do appreciate you thinking of me and throwing me in a lion.  Honestly, it means a lot to me. Thank you.  It makes me feel like I didn't completely waste mine and everyone else's time this year.  Coming back into the game, so late, in the game, and just having people like, hey man, jump in here and here. And that's that! Awesome. Seeing everyone pushing so hard on their forms and techniques, it's inspiring to say the least. Seeing the definite change in everyone is really fantastic. An opportunity, truly inspiring. A huge example of what can be accomplished with just, consistent effort. Thanks again everyone, on the monkey team.  You guys are really right on.  This last month has been a lot of fun. And there are memories that I know I will hold onto forever here after!
  One of my greatest accomplishments this year has been learning the skill of asking for help. This has been probably my greatest victory, this year. I'm not as ego driven as I have been in the past, I know it doesn't seem like it some days, but, I know for a fact I am getting better. How, because it's getting easier and easier to ask.  I don't know why, this is such a hard thing for me to do. I think mainly it's my pride and ego, but, hey, one day at a time.
   So, to sum up my year as a monkey. It was more of a failure than it was anything else. Yes, I have had much of success, but, I don't think enough, to call a victory of a year.  That's okay. I have learnt lesson over lesson again and again. Even in failure, I have come out on top. Simply because of the lessons I have continuously learnt.  Complete failure, is, as I see it, accepting to your inner most self, that you lost. And that is something I refuse to do. Never, will I say, I quit. That's just not who I am, anymore. I have learnt that much. And that's much is still a huge victory.
Thanks for everyone's patience and acceptance this year. You guys have been really solid! Fist bumps for all, and for all a whoop whoop!

Well, untill next week,
I'll talk to you soon
Mr.Duncan