good day all. Today is a good day. I need to remind myself of these things some days. Some days it doesn't feel very good. My mind gets racing, thoughts get clustered. Frustration ties into my anger at an astronomical speed. It is a vicious circle that I have been working on for a few years now. With so much going on in my life, it seems there is no time to just relax. See I am very used to just leaving when I get to over-whelmed. I have been known to walk away in the middle of conversations that take me to a place I don't want to be. There is no nice way to put this. If we are talking and I can not control how I react to what you are saying, I walk away. It is the safest mechanism that I have to deal with not loosing my cool all over the place. So much energy is wasted in getting angry that I just do not care too anymore. But, I still do. I get worked up over nothing and then by good gracious me, I am a wrecking ball again. Trying to start my day over and over, with no  immediate results. Usually I will go a  rant and really express myself, but I am trying to not do that. It can be very unproductive. I would love to be able to express myself without a huge influx of emotion. But, with that being said that is who I am. I am an emotional guy. I get so involved with outside circumstances that I forget what's going on inside. Loosing the moment. Until it is all gone and just left with that fire in my belly. Then I gotta pep talk myself like, get up and put your ass into it, go ahead and hit the roof because I can not sit thru it anymore. And the passion you feel is too much and you get up and start dancing to it. and as you do, your movements become fast and fluent. Like an unstoppable force.
   With all the above being said, one common theme keeps racing thru my mind. Patience. Something that's never really been on my side. Notorious for wanting things now. and when I don't get things my way, then I don't want it or I get frustrated. When I look back thru my life, I see where my impatience has cost me dearly and that is okay. can not do anything about the past, I can not do anything about the future either. All I can do is try and embrace this moment that I have right now. It has taken a lot of work to be able to say that. Even more work to understand, and then more work to embrace that thought.
   Pushing thru these feelings and emotions, in my training and in life, has taught me one thing. Just keep plugging away. It will work out just fine. I can read and be told that thousands of times, but I will not start to understand,  until I can feel it in my heart. Even just training at home, when I just do not want to anymore, I still push thru. This is the early growing stages of kung fu and training. The more I push back against myself and my rotten mind, the easier it all becomes. The more reps I can bang out. The more forms I do it just gets easier. And it is starting to turn into an enjoyment more than a chore. Like it very much seemed, just a few weeks ago. Lets be honest looking at all these numbers, and hearing things like, you are probably going to fail, wears hard on myself. I do appreciate the honesty. The honesty gives me a place to fight back against, if you might. "Oh yeah, I am going to fail. Pfft! Watch this!" Gives me motivation to do even better than I thought I ever could. I have been told I would not succeed at things and purely outta spite, I have succeeded. Not saying I am going to succeed at everything in the I Ho Chaun challenge, but now I have been Motivated to almost a point of angered. My stubbornness will tell me, that nay-sayer. I will show him. Enter motivation. Enter Willy. I wont let this moment go, you better move yourself, because tomorrow can wait.
   Last blog before this stuff gets real. I am a host of emotions like I pointed out. I am really looking forward to training with some seemingly like minded people. I don't really know anyone on the team and just getting to learn your names is going to be a bit of a challenge for me. People have been a challenge for me. But another goal I have is to create conversation with people new to me. Step way outta my box and stand and hear what people say to me. Who knows I will probably learn something. Well that's it for now I guess.


Talk at you soon
Mr.Duncan