Awake for a Moment

   Good morning everyone. Another glorious day today. I mean have you seen outside today?  Holy Toledo what a day! This week was a bit of a trying week. Inspiration was found everywhere, but at times I seemed a bit down. I had many thoughts run thru my mind. Many thoughts of being un-able to accomplish goals. There was that voice that kept telling me all week, that what I am trying to do will be in vain. Oh what a mind! So many years of my mind telling me that it isn't worth it, that sometimes, I do believe my mind. But, this week, what ever my mind tried to tell me I had a good time proving myself wrong. I can accomplish my goals. I can do as I please, as long as I cause no harm to others. I need to pause for a second and I am going to have a bit of a chuckle at what I just wrote. Sitting here arguing with myself, about whether or not I can climb my mountains. Of course I can, all of us can. Lets just keep pushing thru whatever our minds try to cloud up.
  
   You see, I used to set myself up for failure, as I previously mentioned in an earlier blog. I would try something new. I would not put all my effort into the said task, and of course I would fail. Looking back I only failed because I never truly gave myself the opportunity or the time to give an honest effort. When I did kick-boxing, I never practiced, I never gave thought after class. I got into my truck and drank beers and smoked cigarettes. And I would think, what did we do in class today. I was always in so much of a haze that I could never remember things or conversations. Today though, I constantly think and ponder kung-fu. I try to stay engaged by thinking up new moves or techniques, or combinations. I talk kung-fu with people, when I can. I try to take the things I learn in class and apply then into real life. The principles that I have learnt thus far in kung-fu and I Ho Chaun, I honestly try very hard to get outta my head and into my life.
  
   On Friday night, a huge challenge presented itself. Lets do our forms with everyone else watching. This is my mind blowing up! First off, everyone's forms looked great. Pat yourself on the back sheep team. Everyone did very well. Secondly, I believe I had a 'spiritual awakening" if you might. I have no other term for what happened to me on Friday night. As everyone is doing their form, getting closer and closer to my turn, I started to tremble. I was loosing my breath, unable to concentrate. mind cluttered with good and bad thoughts. About four people from me. I said, please help calm me down, if only for my form. please allow me to breath patiently. And I kind of calmed down. As it became my turn, I reached for my stick, and the sweating and the trembling returned. "This is gonna happen right now." ripped through my mind. But I was positive, it would be okay. I told myself  "Lets get lost in the moment." At that specific moment is, where it all changed. As I am walking towards the center of the mats, I hear sounds disappearing. And not, people just becoming quieter, but, disappearing from my mind. People features, started to fuzz out. Not the I am going to pass out vision fading. I knew this was different. everything right in front of me was clear as a bell.  By the time I stood in the middle of the mats, my breath was all I could hear. Finally I looked into the mirror for a few seconds and took my final few breaths before starting, and this was my awakening, I do believe. Everyone's reflection was so fuzzy I could not make out different people. But as I looked into my eyes, my reflection became clearer and clearer. The light around me became darker, but the light on me became brighter. For the duration of my form, I honestly felt like I was the only cat in the kwoon. It felt as if no-one was there. I still had a huge feeling of panic, and I knew that everyone was intently watching. but, for a moment, I was in my own little world, practicing kung-fu. Even still, when everyone clapped, at the end, it sounded as if thunder was over head. I was so far into my form, or my training, or off on my own little planet, that the clapping slammed me back to kwoon. I knew my form was choppy and my feet where not planted, but each move flowed from my being. There was not one thought of what my next move was. No worry was put to my feet/hand placement. Everything was working. Not as good as I could have, but I will not ask for perfection yet. With continual practice and commitment, everything will continue to fall into place. And it will be beautiful. Hopefully! Fantastic!!
   Well I hope your week was as eventful and challenging as mine.
   Talk to you soon.
    Mr.Duncan