desires

Well howdy do neighbors. So, how was your day?  Mines going well, it is.  Before we get to Kung fu, let's go here. On my last blog, a comment was made about understanding the desire to smoke, or drink for that matter.  So, today I'm going to try to answer that.
  The desire to drink or to use, was once upon a time a desire to fit in. A desire to feel better about yourself. A desire to make friends. A desire to be different. A person like me, I had very few friends growing up, and alcohol gave me the courage to talk to people. The courage and strength to say things normallly I wouldn't say.  When you're feeling good from the effects, anything can come out of your mouth. You turn from a duck into an eagle. Actions you normally wouldn't take, have been taken.  There was also peer pressure, but let's face it. Nobody ever held a gun to my head and said drink this. So peer pressure arguments only go so far, then you really got to look at yourself. It's not your buddies making you do this, it's you, making you do this.  But a sick alcoholic or addict, will never will-fully look at themselves and say, yup, this consequence is a direct result of my actions. No! No, they do not say that. Maybe one in ten....say it and mean it, maybe. They say things like, oh my dad didn't hug me enough, or I was beaten or I was assaulted as a kid, which gave me all sorts of issues, but, no, it's not my fault I am here, it's some one else's fault.  That's the easier softer way. Do note, that yes those things happen, and they are really hard to deal with, and not everyone knows of a better way. I do agree, there are many still suffering that are out there, that just, pure and simply do not know any better.  There are arguments and situations, that may be "unique" to this un-written rule, but, I can and will argue with you, on the merits of that argument. Yes, there's also the desire to be an anarchist, and not listen to your folks and the elders in your life.  The desire to be a free loving hippie teenager, is also there.  The desire to be free. Free from society, free from others expectations.  Free to do whatever I want. All of these desires and many more are because, you don't like something about you. Dually noted. Right then.
    In my eyes and experiences, all of the above mentioned "desires" if you might, are fairly good reasons to try and experiment new things.  Nothing wrong with experimenting.  Lord knows I've done enough experimenting with enough things that, my perception has forever been changed on a lot of topics and life issues.  But, what I'm wanting to say is this. With many, eventually, the desire to be something you are not, gets lost in translation, and the desire turns into habit. Now, this is the volatile variable. This variable is different for everyone.  This is the TSN turning point, where experimentation, turns into addiction. For some people it's after one sip or one hit. For others, they can drink or use their whole life and addiction never rears its ugly head.  I was one of the for-mentioned. And having drugs and alcohol turn into addiction so quickly, that, experimentation is hidden under an excuse. And excuses is nothing more than a rationalization. And rationalization is giving a socially accepted reason for socially unacceptable behaviour. And socially unacceptable behaviour is another form of insanity. And if insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results every time, you can see how closely the two items are tied into each other. It's really a vicious cycle, that most don't even realize they are doing or are in. Now let's pause and think of the still sufferer who does not know the items I just stated. That same paragraph would look like this:
    Dude, I don't know! No idea why, I'm doing this again....Yes, I do remember last weekend and being arrested. I do remember smashing my truck. Yes. That does suck, but, don't worry, I'll take it easy tonight. I just need this right now. I need it.....And the cycle is on repeat. Most of us are in DENIAL. Don't Even Notice It's A Lie. But if you don't know, you don't know. A major inner awakening or mass spiritual enlightenment is needed at this point. No more labels or confusion, just keep it simple so I can understand. This brain is damaged and doesn't work "right". My spirits been shattered and my heart is hurting. So I put on this rough exterior and take another sip, and I'm that eagle again. And this disease wins again.  This short and curly of it is this, "most alcoholics, for reasons yet unknown, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into conscience with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defence against the first drink." And the circle rages on and on.
 
So in Kung fu news, I had a terrible cold/flu like thing this week and I'm just getting over the chest part of it.  I think part of it is a detox from the serious cigarette cut back, I've managed to hold onto. Right up to Thursday night I was whipped. Feel a lot better now. I pulled the escrimas out for a little on saturday, after kiddos birthday party. This week, I am dedicating myself to them. I have been putting them on the back burner. I don't know why, I'm really happy when I am playing and working the escrimas. I have been focusing on hand forms and I am happy with how kempo and long are both progressing.  I really really like long hand form.  Such purpose to every move. And thinking about long before I get into it, is something that I really enjoy. Long is Chinese for dragon. And dragon stands for our spirit and our breath. For me, the form took a whole new stance after I applied those thoughts to this form. Very empowering. Trying to figure out long II is a lot of fun.  I really enjoy the challenge.

Well, I figure I've gone on long enough
Have a nice week
Mr.Duncan