Motivation

 Hi there...do me a favour! Do you know the song One by Metallica? It has that beautiful acoustic guitar opening the song...you know the part of the song...okay I’ll give you a second to find it have a listen! It’s an amazing tune, but just the opening cords are what’s important. 

Just play that tune in your head while you read this. 

Last Sunday I got a phone call that a third cousin was found by way of overdose. Yeah isn’t that awesome! I wrote another blog earlier in the week about Colton passing! I love you cousin! It’s on my blog site if you so desire. 

So, now what? That’s three of the four boys in that family that’s gone and passed way too young...it’s heartbreaking, I can’t imagine the pain and frustration in my auntie and uncle! 

I don’t have many words about what happened! I’m pretty torn up, not knocked down. If anything this anger I’m feeling, has served as a fuel. I took a few days and mourned. His passing didn’t really hit until Wednesday after I finally opened up to someone! 

What did I do? 

I put on a show and did pushups and sit-ups! And I thought and I pondered. I questioned myself, my motives! I questioned almost everything I know about myself. See, I wanted to place blame and guilt on myself! Like I explained before, I was the wayward son! I was the lost cause at a young age! I’m the oldest child in my family by 8-12 years! My sister is closest to my age and she’s 8years younger than I! Colton was 12 years younger than I! So you can just imagine the example I set for these young kids! I was the cool cousin willy! The cousin who didn’t care about nothing! The guy who caused chaos in streets and did as he pleased! And from a young age I may add. The cousins idolized me, no matter how many times I would say, it’s not cool to do what I do, after many years of doing what I did, I finally tapped out! Colton’s oldest brother, and my legit only friend at the time Chad, hung himself, and everyone started to fall. 

Sure I showed that way of life. Sure I opened that door to addiction and alcoholism! Yes I did! Don’t lie for me! BUT, I also opened the door to recovery! I also opened the door way to a better way of life! Just like I didn’t hold a gun to their heads to abuse, I never held a gun to their heads about recovery! That’s different for everyone! That person needs to make that decision to change! That’s a fact! 

I was the lucky one! I got out alive! I am still here today, simply because, Chad’s suicide put life in perspective for me! If I wanted to die early, if I wanted to not watch my boys grow, if I wanted to throw this gift of life away, just keep drinking and using man!! 

I didn’t want any of the above! Not for one second! We were supposed to be having fun! We are supposed to be living like kings, but we dying like rats...

So, here we are! I started my sober journey on July 2, 2011!! 3 520 days of continuous sobriety. Not one drop has entered my body! Not a splash, not a sniff, nothing! My youngest boy has never seen me with a beer in hand, and it’s going to stay that way! Fight me about it, you’ll learn! You will have to kill me to get me to drink again! 

Quite honestly, if I had only one choice in life to make! Have one sip of one beer and never ever fail at Kung fu! Have every dream I have in Kung fu come to reality; or don’t drink and give up Kung fu; I’d give up Kung fu.... not one second thought....that’s how much my sobriety means to me! 

Not even a thought....that’s my commitment to me! The promise I made to me! The only promise I’ve ever kept! The only promise that means anything!! That’s why I don’t make promises to anyone anymore!

Today I find alcohol repulsive! The smell of it, it’s look, it’s strangle hold it has on society! What it does to people! I despise it! 

So, now what? What do I do going forward? I keep training! I fight harder! I show the example I want people to see! I continue to become the man, I was supposed to be! 

I train harder! I make every punch matter, not because that’s how we are supposed to train! Not because Sifu says so....I train for those who think they can not! I train for the weak and fallen, I fn train to lead by example! I train because I don’t want people to do what I did, but, do as I do today...not what I did yesterday! 

I am in no way a guru, nor a god amongst men, nor am I the most intelligent fella around! What I am is an honest straight shooting guy, who had let the devil run his soul, and took that soul back! I’m the guy who went to hell, put my arm around the devil, got a real nice picture of the two of us and then choked him out and strolled out the front gates! Laughing!!  I’m seriously that guy! I’ve seen the devil, I danced with the devil, gawd dammit I fought the devil, and I won! Every day I’m sober, I win!! I took a second chance at life!  

Still playing One by Metallica......Good!! 

Because he comes the heavy wailing guitar; here comes the heavy drums! Let’s get heavy....

I no longer consider myself as just a simple person, I am the example to step up too! I will hold myself to a standard much, much higher than what’s simply expected of us! Egotistical? Not a chance, quite the opposite friends! I will not fail...there are lost souls counting on us to light that dark path up! Don’t worry friends! I know a way! 

What am I going to do about it? I’m going to kill them all! Every single doubt, every single thought of I’m not good enough, every wonder about glorious ness on the road we call life! Every single demon that says no you can’t, is getting a swat! 

Only for today do I live for! Only for this moment! I live to show every single addict/alcoholic there’s a better way to life, just come with me and take my hand! We will get through it together! 

This morning I looked myself in the mirror and said to myself 

“Let me be what I’m meant to be”

         —Frank Castle aka The Punisher—

Let’s make one more thing clear, This isn’t about revenge, nor is it about punishment...it’s about living! This way of life; it’s a bloody war, casualties scattered everywhere! You don’t think so? You take a walk early morning in stony plain; you’ll see...

No, I’m not going all vigilante and going to whack people! I still want to watch my kids grow! I’ve just had enough, and well, I’m going to finish what I started, and the bs stops here...brutal self honesty from here on out! 

Why do I train? I know what hell looks like, I know what’s waiting out there! What kind of black belt do I want to be? I know how far you may fall without help! I know how dark the darkness can truly be! I will be that black belt! I’ll be the black belt that drags you out of that hole! I will be that black belt whom you can get honest with; and train like a demon with! 

Year of the Ox; how fitting isn’t it!?! 

This year is for me; but dedicated to my fallen family members....and all you struggling addicts that are lost out there!! This ones for you guys...

“If you’re gonna look at yourself, really look in the mirror, you gotta admit who you are. But not just to yourself, you gotta admit it to everybody else.”

  Frank Castle

I will see you soon...

Mr.Duncan