Well I guess so. My youngest cousin was found deceased on Saturday. I found out while I was whipping up my blog. I’m not overly sure on the details, but it was heroin. It was an od.

A Young man still in his prime! Colton got knocked down and stolen alas, almost exactly like his older brothers Chase and Chad. 

That leaves Cody. He’s the remaining brother. Oh man, what’s his mind like? He’s the last of his bloodline! Punch. To. The. Guts. 

I love my cousin very much, as I do my whole family. We didn’t spend a whole lot of time together adults as, I made my decisions; he made his. That’s where we left it many years ago. From what I know, he ran with a rougher crowd than I ever did! Where I leaned away from some groups, he did not! He ran rough and played rougher, and in turn passed on roughest...when we did spend time together, I enjoyed his company very much... he’s my cousin so we spent some time together on the farm, but such an age gap that I didn’t really spend too much time with him! By the time Colton becoming a part of the family, I was busy being a cool guy teenager! 

I think with Colton was, being the youngest of four brothers and the youngest of the whole family, nine boys one girl, he felt this impulse to be better, faster, stronger than his older three brothers or relatives for that matter!! And he was, by far, the tank of the family!! Boy, he gave me a run for my money from an early age! Ha! 

And, ya know, from the get go he was born even further behind the 8ball. 

We was born deaf, with a few physical disabilities! He was from the get go, the runt of the family! Birth defects and other setbacks, such as being unable to walk until, “later than expected”! He fought so hard his whole life!! Whenever we visited he just wanted to hug and teach you sign language! He just wanted to show you how big and strong he was! He just wanted you to see him! 

 His challenges where things like not being able to speak clearly nor fairly pronounced until his early teens! Such an achievement that was!! He fought so hard just to learn how to speak clearly!! Later him life, when Colton received his hearing implants, oh my god, you should have seen it! The look on his face when he heard our voices! Oh man, it still melts my heart...you fought so hard Colton!!

And for all his set backs and honest reasons to be pissed at the world he was not! Happy, smiling and didn’t give a hoot!! 

And we lost touch for a few years, next thing you know, he’s an adult and participating in the insanity of adulthood, if ya catch my drift. He was, simply because of being the youngest, crazy as sin and tough as nails! He gave no hoots about standing up and getting noticed! He did, ya know, with the wrong crowd! 

Occasionally he would come and ask for help and yeah man, no sweat! Addictions are a son of a gun to deal with alone! I know I needed serious help. His smiles faded into that addict look! His voice spoke monotone, except for highs....the change was complete...

Unfortunately, quick fixes would become the go to! We’d get to a spot where, now it’s literally time to cry and get honest, this step will set you free...why did you stop...I know it’s scary, that’s literally why I’ve taken it...Look man, I took the step first, years ago, I’m here, just take my hand...I promise you it will be okay...no not yet? Okay...well when is a good time then??

my actual last physical contact was when I walked him out off my property and I very politely explained why he will not visit high on heroin anymore.....

I almost feel guilt, but, no; no I do not!

I feel sadness, and a few other emotions! I’m very sad another family needed to go this route! It’s the exact  opposite of what I was hoping to happen! It’s really kinda depressing, to be honest, knowing what’s happening and full well knowing there’s nothing you can say or do to change their minds! They need to make that decision. No amount of outside coaxing, threats, promises mean anything! A tiny tiny portion of addicts can manage sobriety because of someone else. Honestly, the cold facts are mostly they relapse. 

I wish things could have worked out, but there’s nothing to do now, but move on I suppose!! It sucks, but, so does life sometimes....

Before Chase left, efforts to change where there, but pretty empty, he never truly wanted out. Honestly, they really did enjoy “their time together”...once Chase, his using pal, left this earth....well you know the story....he fell fast hard and did not want out....

I miss you Colton! Love you cuzz!! 

See ya soon I guess...

Now, does shit make sense? Do you know now what you have to do? Can you see the problems and issues Will? Will you see, or are we just fucking looking through the front window?? Step up or get outta the way!! End the addictions Will...