This morning I’m off to a great start. Last little bit of review. Re do the assignments, and okay exam time. And I was taking my time, but I didn’t realize just how long I was taking. And I’m going to re-read the question and boom...it’s over! Tests done! Times up! Umm no, I wasn’t done man! Like no, no. Go back. I’m only on question 34/50....flying front kicking doors...okay no meltdowns! Nope not today!
So I went for a walk and I was out by the lake and to be honest I’m really down on myself. Just over thinking the too sweet outta things! I’m like “okay! Like what is that about universe? I have legit worked my bag off and I run outta time on a test? Like that really hurt! throw me a frickin bone here? Can you atleast give me a sign or something? Please help me?
I turn and walk straightaway home. And I pick up my phone and there’s a text from my old boss. Will can you call me please...I’m like oh..oh well, I guess there’s a sign.... I pipelined directly under this guy for two years, he knew the whys and how’s to my “firing/layoff” from last fall, the one that drove me into a pretty reckless depression. I was his go to guy. I earned that... So he offers me a job! And I was taken aback, I was. I replied in complete honesty, that I really appreciated him thinking of me, and I am currently doing my home inspection at nait! “Oh well, it’s only until oct and I understand if you want out of pipelining! I get it! But, this is here for you!!” I’m like solid man! That’s solid! I’d really like a few days to think about this, if that’s okay!” “Yeah no later than Friday otherwise, I gotta move on!” Oh no worries! I’ll defiantly let you know!
Wow! I mean, I’ve turned down two pipelines, and an iron type gig for my schooling! Those where short term, big invest, smaller return... no thank you! This is far different!
When I took my layoff last year, as some of you may have read, I didn’t like that layoff one bit! What got me was the why I was laid off....it was due to personal office politics so far outta my control it’s disgusting.... honestly, it’s not worth my time anymore outside of; I wasn’t able to shut the door how I wanted to! That was taken from me, and I didn’t stand for it! I waited a small while and called my boss back. I squared up, owned my part, explained that I did not want to go like that! He said, we have to wait atleast six months man. But will, thanks for being straight with me! I’ll keep you in mind, just, not right now!
So, one of our IHC requirements, is to make amends and repair relationships! It may be a fault by some, but, I take pride in my legacy and reputations! I truly do. One of my mottos is two things that matter, your word and your name! Without both neither are worth nothing... I still have un-finished buisness there!
And, I mean, I am man! Don’t worry I’ll pay the bills! I’ll go to work! I’ll cover that! And it’s all good, until you can’t...and even though my wife is making miracles happen, it’s taxing and it’s hard on her! And I feel like a chump, yeah! Don’t worry, I know the we are a team, and all that jazz! She’s always there for me as am I for her! It’s always been her and I, solid team we are!! But, until last fall, my don’t worry, I got this, has turned into nothing! I got nothing! Just seems like groin shot to groin shot And things are weighing hard and heavy! I have faith it’s going to work out for me! I’m faithful my Kung fu will serve me and I’m solid that the universe has my back!! But this morning it sure didn’t feel like that...
But all of that is great, but, what about school?
Well, to be honest, I need more time in these mods than planned, I guess? I’m studying, I am talking to the people in parts of the industries, I’m studying some more! I even blew off a one on one! Why, so I could get a 58 on that unit exam this morning?? Hey?!? Great decision there...ffs!! Don’t get me wrong! I’m no dummy! No I am not! I just need some more time! Or some breathing room. Or some help. Or something. Man alive!
And I’m not quitting! No, I’ve come too far! I can’t quit. I won’t quit! What would that show my boys? Well when it’s tough just throw your hands up and say ahh this is hard! I’m quitting!
I just, I don’t know, just a break maybe? My marks are consistently dropping and, maybe it honestly is too much all at once to try to smash together! So, maybe asking nait, if I can “post-pone” a few of the course until next intake, I can just relive some stress and get my marks back to proper grades! Sure I’ll pay a “restocking fee” but I’m still investing in me!
I’m okay with 80’s...I am learning a brand new world outta a text book! I have to expect slip ups and small disasters, but, I am not satisfied with 80’s. I want high 90’s.....that benchmark is not coming down! So my grades have to go up....And I don’t have time to slow down any more! In fact, I really needed to fail today’s exam last week so can bomb the next exam this week.... my head feels like it’s gonna explode!
If I stay steady on this path I’m currently on and not take this job! I can hopefully hit home runs from here on out and have no more surprises or anything until I have to be working by early to mid summer! Oh good more pressure please! Or I take this job, make some serious bank. I can fix and rebuild relationships that where stolen from me, while still studying and moving forward in school, just slower and probably more efficient. I can get some breathing room, fulfill my man duties, while still nerding it up!!
Yeah, I’d be back to 12-14hr days! I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t miss pipelining....or just being able to like pay my mortgage without worry. I’m cool, we are cool, it’s just getting there. Ties getting a little short...
Holy crap is this long....ha! Told ya!
So I asked the universe for help! Please help me!
And this man calls. Hey dude. Wanna job that’s not gonna cost you a bunch of money? And hopefully you can make enough bank to get that buisness of yours atleast half started and still just pay your bills?
Did I mention this job is in and around Fernie? In the mountains!! In the wild!! Right exactly where I am at home! I’ve missed the last 5 years worth of family vacations to bc because of work.... universe just gonna sort that one out for me! Man, I’m so very grateful!!
What a message! Okay universe.... I’ll see you on the slopes! I literally have been given a solution to every single ailment of mine right now! I only have to ask for help, re-adjust my perception, say thank you, and seize my opportunity!
I’m honestly very grateful to have asked for help today!
Okay good bye
Thanks for listening
Mr.Duncan
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