Well it is nice to see you again. What a glorious day it is today! Farmers market today in the beach. That means mini donuts. I love mini donuts. The only reason I go. Well, I am a very busy fellow today so, I got to make this short and sweet. Another absolutely chaotic week with lawyer meetings and insurance, buying a new vehicle and everything else that is coming our way. Things are coming to a close, slower than expected, but it is happening. Progress. I have been wanting to re-do the surface of our back deck this year, but it just doesn't seem to want to happen. It is gonna look nice when it is done. Extend the deck to the west and make like a bbq area on the deck. On the other side I want to install a sink, to wash our garden veggies in, but I need to do deck first. It is going to look sweet when it is done, "when", is the huge word here.
One huge thing I have had to learn so far in this challenge is patience. Today, adding up my numbers, I felt a feeling of panic almost. I was like ahh, I am so far behind, I don't even know what number I should be at. Quickly, I managed to push that thought out of my mind. Is the goal not to be better than before? Well, that I am accomplishing. Maybe not at the pace that is expected or asked of me, but I am making progress. Even with everything in my life as a fricken tornado, I am getting better, one long day at a time. Now comes the question of the numbers I am going to be short on. What about those numbers? Well, what about them? I do not know how to respond to that question. I could just lie and say I will make it up on another date. Or, I have time off coming up, then I will make up the missing numbers. Maybe that will happen, maybe not. I cannot say what is and what is not going to happen. That is an obvious fact. I was going to turn my truck into an awesome race truck, with like 1000 hp, and a screaming loud exhaust, and yes be that guy. But, trucks gone, so there goes that plan. Life changes so drastically, so quickly, that I can not really say what is or is not going to happen. I wish I could, but, then, how much fun would life be. If we always knew exactly what is going to happen next, life would be kind of boring, do you not think? I know I would be bored outta my skull.
I am really excited for my stick form. I have learnt so much with the stick in the last few months. It really is a lot of fun. At times, I like to really push myself and my speed factor. Sometimes the stick goes for a ride, kind of like Friday night. At least people got a chuckle out of it!! I was terribly bored with kempo I, and so I was not doing kempo. Not cool, that is my hand form, and reps are down. Last week, sifu, showed us Kempo II, Sweet, re-engaged in the hand forms. Reps are back up. Hahaha! Success!!
Well, I do have to get to planting the garden and some other chores, so until next, stay classy people.
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 17 May 2015
Sunday, 10 May 2015
One Pebble And A Big Ocean
Hello everyone. Holy wonderful day today. I see a common theme happening when I do my blogs. The day suddenly becomes nicer. Amazing. Well these last few weeks have been holy intense batman. So much happened, so quickly, all I could do is just pick my reactions. I feel I had some huge growth in this latest test I was handed. Insurance was jerking around, my truck is written off, my youngest boy was way out of sorts, and my wife is hurt from this accident, police are waiting to charge the other driver. Everything is taking it sweet time in becoming resolved. As I have said before, I can be terribly impatient. But, you know what, I only had one freak out. on a punching bag, in my garage, away from people. And that my friends, is progress. Before, this would have consumed and destroyed me, mentally and physically and spiritually. This time, I kept breathing and before I knew it, resolutions where happening on all aspects of this accident. Yeah it sucks, but, everything will become resolved when it is ready to be resolved. A simple thought, but, only recently, have I been able to unconditionally accept this fact into my life. That's a really good feeling, knowing I don't have to loose my mind. Oh that's a wonderful, freeing, feeling. Ahh, I can breath. This week, there were some amazing blogs posted. These blogs gave me lots to think about. And I had time this week.
On Friday night, after class, I got home and everyone was in bed. So I wandered into the back yard, lite a campfire and watched the flames dance and flicker. Camp fires have always been a favorite thing to do. The smells, the way the fire dances, everything about it is awesome. You see, I believe, that when you get into the flames and the coals, that the fire will tell you a story. The hard part is determining the story. I just use my imagination. Also, as the night grew long, it became really clear out, and so I started to star gaze. An another favorite thing to do. I like to concentrate on just one star and wonder, what is around that star. Is there life like I there? Is there something thinking the same thought, looking at our sun? I will paint a picture in my mind what things might look like. When I star gaze like that, I always wonder just how huge the universe is and how small and insignificant I am in comparison to everything around me. Our minutes and seconds, hours and days even, mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. But to us, time is our reality check. Time is what "turns the world" Don't get me wrong, time as it is understood is important, but, like money, it is another man-made invention that is used to control the masses. That's a thought for another day though. You see, I see things like this. In the large scheme of things, our actions, do not matter that much, if at all. What we do will not change the course of the universe, unless we blow up our planet. That would mess up a thing or two, but even then, it really would not change the universe that much. But then I thought, like the yin and yen there must be balance to everything. Whether it be good versus bad, laziness versus activity. There are extremes to all that truly balance the equation. Now, I thought on the universal size of things, if our actions truly do matter, then every good deed we do ripples through the universe like a pebble in an ocean. No matter how small the deed or how small we are, it does matter. Every action or thought, good or bad does add to the grand scale of life. Now, I guess the question is, what side of the scale am I tipping? Most days, I am the good side of things, some days I like to pour in onto the bad side of the scale. I know for a fact, that balance really makes a difference in our beings. living on the wrong side of life for so many years, then to come check out this respectable way of life. The scale truly becomes apparent. You truly do see, how our actions and words do affect others around you. I really see this in children, how one word or one sentence can either make their entire day, or just absolutely crush their hearts. That is why I am trying to better myself every day. Not just for my self, but to set a good example for my boys. Give them a positive cycle to continue. Show them how glorious and extra-ordinary our lives and actions truly are. And of course because kung-fu is awesome.
Well, that is it for today.
Happy mothers day and see you soon
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
On Friday night, after class, I got home and everyone was in bed. So I wandered into the back yard, lite a campfire and watched the flames dance and flicker. Camp fires have always been a favorite thing to do. The smells, the way the fire dances, everything about it is awesome. You see, I believe, that when you get into the flames and the coals, that the fire will tell you a story. The hard part is determining the story. I just use my imagination. Also, as the night grew long, it became really clear out, and so I started to star gaze. An another favorite thing to do. I like to concentrate on just one star and wonder, what is around that star. Is there life like I there? Is there something thinking the same thought, looking at our sun? I will paint a picture in my mind what things might look like. When I star gaze like that, I always wonder just how huge the universe is and how small and insignificant I am in comparison to everything around me. Our minutes and seconds, hours and days even, mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. But to us, time is our reality check. Time is what "turns the world" Don't get me wrong, time as it is understood is important, but, like money, it is another man-made invention that is used to control the masses. That's a thought for another day though. You see, I see things like this. In the large scheme of things, our actions, do not matter that much, if at all. What we do will not change the course of the universe, unless we blow up our planet. That would mess up a thing or two, but even then, it really would not change the universe that much. But then I thought, like the yin and yen there must be balance to everything. Whether it be good versus bad, laziness versus activity. There are extremes to all that truly balance the equation. Now, I thought on the universal size of things, if our actions truly do matter, then every good deed we do ripples through the universe like a pebble in an ocean. No matter how small the deed or how small we are, it does matter. Every action or thought, good or bad does add to the grand scale of life. Now, I guess the question is, what side of the scale am I tipping? Most days, I am the good side of things, some days I like to pour in onto the bad side of the scale. I know for a fact, that balance really makes a difference in our beings. living on the wrong side of life for so many years, then to come check out this respectable way of life. The scale truly becomes apparent. You truly do see, how our actions and words do affect others around you. I really see this in children, how one word or one sentence can either make their entire day, or just absolutely crush their hearts. That is why I am trying to better myself every day. Not just for my self, but to set a good example for my boys. Give them a positive cycle to continue. Show them how glorious and extra-ordinary our lives and actions truly are. And of course because kung-fu is awesome.
Well, that is it for today.
Happy mothers day and see you soon
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 3 May 2015
Wowee
Good day to you! Is it not, a fine day. Beautiful. Another very eventful week has passed and lessons in who we are never stop coming at you. Sure is nice to be in a good place, mentally, when life challenges you with something a little more drastic. This week my wife and youngest boy got into a car accident. Thankfully nobody was really hurt. Other than bumps and bruises, some whiplash, they are okay. I am so grateful for them being okay. The phone call I received was from her in, quite obviously, a panicked toned and, how do you react to that? That was one of the longest drives from work. That's an experience that I do not want to go through again. My truck is all sorts of messed up, for obvious reason. They got T-boned. Too bad, I really liked that truck. Part of me wants it to get fixed. The other half, does not want to see it fixed. I feel once in an serious accident like a T-bone, that vehicle will always be off, but, I did get that truck one month after cleaning up my act. Had to get rid of the heat on the roads, and the almighty ram was the gift I needed. But, I can not control either outcome so, forget it. It is just a truck.
So, again my numbers took a blasting, but I mean, what can you do? I had to step into my wife's shoes while she recoups and man, is she busy. Doing what I can to play both roles in the house, that is hard work. So, I did not get a lot done, but I got some in. That's all that matters. Too bad, I had a fantastic start to the week.
Finally, I took on the role as head coach for the t-ball team out my way. Our first practice was Thursday night. The same night of the accident. What a mind blowing night. But, at practice, holy, I think we had a blast. To me at their ages, three to six, it is really about enjoying the time with their friends and having fun playing ball. That is the direction I want to head into, and if I can achieve that, I will. My wife was receiving texts and things on the fb about the practice we had, so I think the kids had a good time as well. Success! This will be a very challenging next six weeks, but I do feel positive about everything. Besides I fricken love kids. They are the coolest. I used to coach my little brother in hockey and I always enjoyed that.
This whole kung fu experience with I Ho Chaun, has been absolutely amazing. With all the highs and lows, the mountain peaks and deep valleys, there is nothing else to truly test you limits as a martial artist. I have found the true test, for myself, is to try to practice these principles in all our affairs, in that, that is realism. I can do the physical aspect of this challenge, fairly well. Its the dealing with people and outside circumstances that I have a hard time grasping. Almost every internal meltdown has started with or been a direct result of dealing with a person or an un-desirable out coming. It sounds to me, like my adaptability has been lacking recently. Time to re-check myself and come out strong for tomorrow.
Anyways, I should get back to not ignoring my kids and go play little green army guys with them.
So until next time I am:
Mr.Duncan
So, again my numbers took a blasting, but I mean, what can you do? I had to step into my wife's shoes while she recoups and man, is she busy. Doing what I can to play both roles in the house, that is hard work. So, I did not get a lot done, but I got some in. That's all that matters. Too bad, I had a fantastic start to the week.
Finally, I took on the role as head coach for the t-ball team out my way. Our first practice was Thursday night. The same night of the accident. What a mind blowing night. But, at practice, holy, I think we had a blast. To me at their ages, three to six, it is really about enjoying the time with their friends and having fun playing ball. That is the direction I want to head into, and if I can achieve that, I will. My wife was receiving texts and things on the fb about the practice we had, so I think the kids had a good time as well. Success! This will be a very challenging next six weeks, but I do feel positive about everything. Besides I fricken love kids. They are the coolest. I used to coach my little brother in hockey and I always enjoyed that.
This whole kung fu experience with I Ho Chaun, has been absolutely amazing. With all the highs and lows, the mountain peaks and deep valleys, there is nothing else to truly test you limits as a martial artist. I have found the true test, for myself, is to try to practice these principles in all our affairs, in that, that is realism. I can do the physical aspect of this challenge, fairly well. Its the dealing with people and outside circumstances that I have a hard time grasping. Almost every internal meltdown has started with or been a direct result of dealing with a person or an un-desirable out coming. It sounds to me, like my adaptability has been lacking recently. Time to re-check myself and come out strong for tomorrow.
Anyways, I should get back to not ignoring my kids and go play little green army guys with them.
So until next time I am:
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 26 April 2015
Calmness
Good morning Vietnam. Boy is it ever nice out today. I can not wait to get outside and do stuff. This week was a good darn week. I feel I have gotten another grasp on my schedule being re-wrote. I did not have to change much because, I didn't need to. I really needed to just calm down and get a grip. Everything has been moving at mach speed, and staying calm has been one of the hardest things for me to do. Everything will fall into place. I know it will, I just need to be calm. The most important thing to remember in kung-fu is to stay calm and I forgot all about it. That's cool though. It is a very valuable learning curve.
I remember when I first squared up with life on life's terms, I had a heck of a time staying calm. I was always vibrating. I was unable to put thoughts or sentences together I was so all over the map. Today, I can stay much calmer in more settings than ever before. I may not be hot to trot in stressful settings, but, at least I am not randomly hitting people in the mouth over being stressed. This week, I again, jumped on the help lines and talked to numerous people over the week. And I had one conversation in particular, that really, made sense to me. My buddy says "Will, you remember, when you first sobered up and nobody wanted to be around you because you were so volatile? No body wanted to talk with you for fear of what you might say or react? You remember that Will?" "Yes" "Now, look, people ask for your help. People call you to ask for your assistance. People are no longer scared of you. And with some people, they even respect what you say and admire what you do. You are better than you were almost 4 years ago. A long slow road, but still, you seemingly obtained the end goal. This kung-fu might take four years, it might not, but you will learn that this is all a lesson you have to learn." That is pretty deep stuff man. It puts it all in perspective. Four years ago, I was an animal. With two words in my vocabulary. One rhymes with truck and the other is you. Today, I may not be very good a talking in social settings, but, I am not insulting people when they ask how I am doing. Or hitting them when they get in arms reach. That is a huge accomplishment all in its own!!!
A few months ago, I was given a different way to meditate. Every hour, stop what I am doing and take three deep breaths, and continue on in my tasks. The later part of the week, I worked hard at trying and doing this. I was not successful at doing it every hour, but, the times I did do it, holy what a difference. I will continue to implement this in my life, as it is highly beneficial.
Finally, I know, it is still early spring, but I went to cabellas yesterday and picked up some gear for the up-coming hunting season, and boy did my heart start skipping. I get so jacked when I get into those stores. Just the thought of being in the bush, being overwhelmed in smells and sounds and sights, then throw in the thrill of trying to track an ungulate. Or even sitting in a tree stand, after studying an area, and carefully picking the tree I want to climb and set-up in. I love it. A true passion. I have not had time to shoot lots this year yet, but I really am looking forward to fall time. But, here is the lesson. The only way I can get to tomorrow, is to survive today.
Finally, the demo we are working on, that was awesome. I had so much fun on Friday night. It seemed the whole team just fell into place. I am truly excited to watch this demo develop. Yesterday, I was listening to the song and thinking about how much work the demo will be when a thought hit me. Just how much work went into the demo thus far. To tear the song apart into sections then place everyone where you think they would best be fitted. That is a lot of time and energy, so thank you Sifu Rybak, for leading by example.
Well, I guess that is it for today
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
I remember when I first squared up with life on life's terms, I had a heck of a time staying calm. I was always vibrating. I was unable to put thoughts or sentences together I was so all over the map. Today, I can stay much calmer in more settings than ever before. I may not be hot to trot in stressful settings, but, at least I am not randomly hitting people in the mouth over being stressed. This week, I again, jumped on the help lines and talked to numerous people over the week. And I had one conversation in particular, that really, made sense to me. My buddy says "Will, you remember, when you first sobered up and nobody wanted to be around you because you were so volatile? No body wanted to talk with you for fear of what you might say or react? You remember that Will?" "Yes" "Now, look, people ask for your help. People call you to ask for your assistance. People are no longer scared of you. And with some people, they even respect what you say and admire what you do. You are better than you were almost 4 years ago. A long slow road, but still, you seemingly obtained the end goal. This kung-fu might take four years, it might not, but you will learn that this is all a lesson you have to learn." That is pretty deep stuff man. It puts it all in perspective. Four years ago, I was an animal. With two words in my vocabulary. One rhymes with truck and the other is you. Today, I may not be very good a talking in social settings, but, I am not insulting people when they ask how I am doing. Or hitting them when they get in arms reach. That is a huge accomplishment all in its own!!!
A few months ago, I was given a different way to meditate. Every hour, stop what I am doing and take three deep breaths, and continue on in my tasks. The later part of the week, I worked hard at trying and doing this. I was not successful at doing it every hour, but, the times I did do it, holy what a difference. I will continue to implement this in my life, as it is highly beneficial.
Finally, I know, it is still early spring, but I went to cabellas yesterday and picked up some gear for the up-coming hunting season, and boy did my heart start skipping. I get so jacked when I get into those stores. Just the thought of being in the bush, being overwhelmed in smells and sounds and sights, then throw in the thrill of trying to track an ungulate. Or even sitting in a tree stand, after studying an area, and carefully picking the tree I want to climb and set-up in. I love it. A true passion. I have not had time to shoot lots this year yet, but I really am looking forward to fall time. But, here is the lesson. The only way I can get to tomorrow, is to survive today.
Finally, the demo we are working on, that was awesome. I had so much fun on Friday night. It seemed the whole team just fell into place. I am truly excited to watch this demo develop. Yesterday, I was listening to the song and thinking about how much work the demo will be when a thought hit me. Just how much work went into the demo thus far. To tear the song apart into sections then place everyone where you think they would best be fitted. That is a lot of time and energy, so thank you Sifu Rybak, for leading by example.
Well, I guess that is it for today
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 19 April 2015
Re-evaluating
Hello everyone. How is your day? Good I hope. So right to it then. Today I woke in a foul, foul mood. I did managed to get out of my head, but not with out having quite to argument inside my melon. It is kind of funny now, but, a little embarrassing. Over these last few years of rebuilding myself, I have learnt that spring can be a bad season for me. This season was one that I really got carried away in the partaking aspects of my life. Always in the spring, numerous run ins with the police, always in spring, I would do or act in a sense that just smashed everything in my path. Always, in the spring, was I back in the pubs, looking for or getting into trouble. Seemingly, with everything growing and turning green, I get terribly excited. So excited, that I can not calm down. It is hard to explain with out delving overly deep into my history. Spring, in my adult life, always brought un-desired results, brought on by insane actions and thoughts. I could never calm down, so, in order to calm down, I would use and abuse to find calmness in my mind and soul. Unfortunately, all I ever achieved was chaos. Now, do not get me wrong, I absolutely love spring, but old habits and thoughts, can sometimes wreak havoc in my sick mind. I have the tools I need to turn my day around, sometimes I do not use them. I choose to ignore the things I have to do in order to stay sane. No longer can I claim ignorance. Today, it is a decision to stay irritable, discontent and un-happy. You know what, sometimes, it seems that I like to roll in my own pile. That's insane, folks. I know what's wrong, I know what to do, but, I choose to ignore and continue trying to do things my way. Look out I am making and loving my chaos!!
Some backwards thinking came to me as was I standing in my back yard looking at all the things I accomplished yesterday. Yard is cleaned up and raked, fertilized. I built a three stage compost bin for the missus. Taught my boy how to properly swing a real hammer. I was very busy yesterday and accomplished a fair amount. For some insane reason this morning, I told myself, that I did not do anything. Because I sluffed off kung-fu yesterday. No forms or reps, not even a push-up. And I truly did not sluff anything off. I was fricken busy man. I left the house for lumber, at 930 yesterday morning and did not come back in to the house, until almost 10 pm. It was a really good and productive day. It really was. But I thought, I sucked yesterday because I did not do any kung-fu and I did not get more stuff done. And it is, thoughts like that, that really hurt the heart and frustrate the mind. Things like that, I know, set me back spiritually and emotionally. From there, I let the "isims" take over and destroy my confidence. That frustrates me, like you may not understand. I try to smile and take it in stride, and move on in my day. But sometimes, like today, I allow sick thoughts, to control my happiness, and not just be happy, because I am alive.
With that being said, I do, honestly, welcome the challenges of life. Why, because it is fun. I enjoy a good challenge as long as I remember to just be a little better then yesterday. When I Ho Chaun started, I was very fit in all three aspects of my life. The physical, emotional and physical part of my being. With this challenge, so far, I have focused more on physical, more than any thing else. Which there is not anything wrong with that, but, I almost completely neglected the other two aspects of my being. Which is not good. Not for me. I have delved and read and researched to further enhance the spiritualism, but with no real teeth behind the bite. A quick understanding, and move on, thinking, I will get deeper into that when the moment re-appears. When thinking like that, realize, the moment has already passed. Looking into the future, for an opportunity, instead of fully embracing it at the time. Squandered that moment away, with hopes and dreams. Emotionally, I have not done any work towards bettering myself, in that sense. That is not very good either.
So, with my blog of last week and these continuing psychotic thoughts, I need to re-evaluate a lot. My schedule is all over the map right now. I can not get anything grounded and the only thing I can think about is how crappy I am doing. Some days it feels like I am drowning again. Drowning, in a sea of negatives and what if's. Yo, I feel like the Hulk right now. Not wanting the monster to take over, because it scares me, but yet, the monster inside constantly re-appears. I now, know why the hulk is so angry all the time!! I said to a friend the other day, that this challenge is testing to see how strong spiritually I am. And I meant it, to the bottom of my being. My stupid mind tells me I am doing terrible, but my heart and my numbers tell me I am doing very well. I am very happy and proud of the things I have done so far, but for some reason I want to get all negative nancy on my progress. AHHHHH! Want to scream, no I want to loose my mind all over the place. Have a little melt down, of monumental proportions. I would feel better, but boy, would that be counter-productive. I will not do or act like that anymore. So its back to trying to smile and just keep on keeping on, man. Ask for a lot of help, pause when agitated, but, I can not have myself breaking down the way I used to. Man that is scary business. I think of it like this. I am only one melt down away from going back to whom I used to be. Only one moment, of un-awareness and lack of self-respect, and I can kiss the last 3.75 years goodbye. I will not do that. How could I throw everything I have worked for away, for what, for some selfish reason, spit in the face of my kids and family. Purposly, throw the fight that so many people want to see me win. I can not do that. I am worth it, I just need to remember those four little words. As we all are worth it!!
Well, that is it for today,
thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Some backwards thinking came to me as was I standing in my back yard looking at all the things I accomplished yesterday. Yard is cleaned up and raked, fertilized. I built a three stage compost bin for the missus. Taught my boy how to properly swing a real hammer. I was very busy yesterday and accomplished a fair amount. For some insane reason this morning, I told myself, that I did not do anything. Because I sluffed off kung-fu yesterday. No forms or reps, not even a push-up. And I truly did not sluff anything off. I was fricken busy man. I left the house for lumber, at 930 yesterday morning and did not come back in to the house, until almost 10 pm. It was a really good and productive day. It really was. But I thought, I sucked yesterday because I did not do any kung-fu and I did not get more stuff done. And it is, thoughts like that, that really hurt the heart and frustrate the mind. Things like that, I know, set me back spiritually and emotionally. From there, I let the "isims" take over and destroy my confidence. That frustrates me, like you may not understand. I try to smile and take it in stride, and move on in my day. But sometimes, like today, I allow sick thoughts, to control my happiness, and not just be happy, because I am alive.
With that being said, I do, honestly, welcome the challenges of life. Why, because it is fun. I enjoy a good challenge as long as I remember to just be a little better then yesterday. When I Ho Chaun started, I was very fit in all three aspects of my life. The physical, emotional and physical part of my being. With this challenge, so far, I have focused more on physical, more than any thing else. Which there is not anything wrong with that, but, I almost completely neglected the other two aspects of my being. Which is not good. Not for me. I have delved and read and researched to further enhance the spiritualism, but with no real teeth behind the bite. A quick understanding, and move on, thinking, I will get deeper into that when the moment re-appears. When thinking like that, realize, the moment has already passed. Looking into the future, for an opportunity, instead of fully embracing it at the time. Squandered that moment away, with hopes and dreams. Emotionally, I have not done any work towards bettering myself, in that sense. That is not very good either.
So, with my blog of last week and these continuing psychotic thoughts, I need to re-evaluate a lot. My schedule is all over the map right now. I can not get anything grounded and the only thing I can think about is how crappy I am doing. Some days it feels like I am drowning again. Drowning, in a sea of negatives and what if's. Yo, I feel like the Hulk right now. Not wanting the monster to take over, because it scares me, but yet, the monster inside constantly re-appears. I now, know why the hulk is so angry all the time!! I said to a friend the other day, that this challenge is testing to see how strong spiritually I am. And I meant it, to the bottom of my being. My stupid mind tells me I am doing terrible, but my heart and my numbers tell me I am doing very well. I am very happy and proud of the things I have done so far, but for some reason I want to get all negative nancy on my progress. AHHHHH! Want to scream, no I want to loose my mind all over the place. Have a little melt down, of monumental proportions. I would feel better, but boy, would that be counter-productive. I will not do or act like that anymore. So its back to trying to smile and just keep on keeping on, man. Ask for a lot of help, pause when agitated, but, I can not have myself breaking down the way I used to. Man that is scary business. I think of it like this. I am only one melt down away from going back to whom I used to be. Only one moment, of un-awareness and lack of self-respect, and I can kiss the last 3.75 years goodbye. I will not do that. How could I throw everything I have worked for away, for what, for some selfish reason, spit in the face of my kids and family. Purposly, throw the fight that so many people want to see me win. I can not do that. I am worth it, I just need to remember those four little words. As we all are worth it!!
Well, that is it for today,
thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 12 April 2015
A quick thought
Happy sunday everyone. Man I can not wait to get outside and do outdoor stuff. Raking the lawn and turning the gardens. I love this time of year. The smell of dirt upon my hands is one of my favorite smells. Shooting my bow, in preparation of hunting season only a few months away now. So I was thinking about what we talked about yesterday. Especially the statements, on how we are walking an extraordinary path. The odds of all of us on this team having those conversations as a group are astronomical. Practicing mastery of kung-fu in stony plain, with everyone that is involved. Especially how Kung-fu is not a prevalent as it once was. Here we are, learning this ancient martial art form in Stony Plain. Man that is cool to ponder. I took it for granted I guess, or just never thought about it before. Awesome stuff.
Also, I was just looking at my goals and see what's what. I had put down squats and deadlifts and a few other bodybuilding type goals. And I will tell you what, that was a mistake. A little overly ambitious. There is not enough time in the day to get those movements accomplished. I was told that those goals, in particular might be too much, but go a head and giver. I did not listen and thought that, it wouldn't be a problem, but I have learnt, I was wrong. I am not sure what I was thinking when I wrote them out. But truly, is the problem, the lack of time, or lack of commitment? That is the question that has been whispered in my ear. So, I still stand firm on those goals, just not sure when I will be able to accomplish them. Again, I am not overly worried. I will find and make time, now that everything is warming up.
I am really happy with myself and what I have accomplished in the time that has passed in I Ho Chaun. Progress is just fantastic. Staying positive in my day to day outings is something that has truly helped. It is so easy to fall back into old habits and just stop caring. Instead of smiling, scowling at people. The real challenge in I Ho Chaun I have found, is staying positive enough to try my best again, each and every day I wake up. I have missed a day of training here and there, but I will not let that get me down. If anyone thinks I am going to quit being better than I was yesterday, then picture me quitting and draw a circle around it and put a line right though it. This is survival of what...the fittest of our spirits.
So, I guess that is every thing I have to say for today.
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Also, I was just looking at my goals and see what's what. I had put down squats and deadlifts and a few other bodybuilding type goals. And I will tell you what, that was a mistake. A little overly ambitious. There is not enough time in the day to get those movements accomplished. I was told that those goals, in particular might be too much, but go a head and giver. I did not listen and thought that, it wouldn't be a problem, but I have learnt, I was wrong. I am not sure what I was thinking when I wrote them out. But truly, is the problem, the lack of time, or lack of commitment? That is the question that has been whispered in my ear. So, I still stand firm on those goals, just not sure when I will be able to accomplish them. Again, I am not overly worried. I will find and make time, now that everything is warming up.
I am really happy with myself and what I have accomplished in the time that has passed in I Ho Chaun. Progress is just fantastic. Staying positive in my day to day outings is something that has truly helped. It is so easy to fall back into old habits and just stop caring. Instead of smiling, scowling at people. The real challenge in I Ho Chaun I have found, is staying positive enough to try my best again, each and every day I wake up. I have missed a day of training here and there, but I will not let that get me down. If anyone thinks I am going to quit being better than I was yesterday, then picture me quitting and draw a circle around it and put a line right though it. This is survival of what...the fittest of our spirits.
So, I guess that is every thing I have to say for today.
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
Sunday, 5 April 2015
Demon smashing!!
Happy Easter eggs everybody. I hope your Easter is as fantastic as mine is going. Here, my boys woke up earlier for Easter then they did for Christmas!! The Easter egg hunt was a success. I enjoyed watching them boys looking for the eggs. Their excitement in looking for their little eggs is so cool. Well, I guess we will get right to it then. So, a huge goal I have set for myself is to kick the smoking. It is not the best so far, but not bad at all. Honestly, I have invested 20 years into smoking, so every part of me is fighting the quitting. I will get a few days of really cutting back and on the verge of quitting, then I go right back to almost old habits. It is quite frustrating. On the opposite side of the coin, it is a great challenge. Each time I go back to my old ways, it is not as bad as before. Slowly, my intake is getting less and less. most days are real good. There have been a couple of days where I just simply gave up, and smoked my brains out, only to feel like a bag of cow patties afterwards. I am on the right path, though, smoking is getting easier to say no to. It has taken far longer than I had first imagined. But it is a good challenge. And really, I am making progress.
I got a fitbit wrist thingy, so now, keeping track of distance travelled is a lot easier now. My first day with the fitbit, I walked 17km. Fantastic. Now to get on my bike and start making tracks. The rest of my goals are coming well. Push-ups and sit-ups numbers are still up and down, but balance is being achieved. The numbers are starting to level out. Which is what I am after right now. Balance. Finally, we got to do some sparring, that was real nice. It felt fantastic to put the techniques we have learnt into action and see how well we flail about!! I am not able to make it into the kwoon some nights, as I have a young family and my attention is very much needed on certain nights. Tues and Thursday are some of those nights. Honestly, I do not care. Would be nice, but, I can not and it doesn't bother me at all. I do wish my live could be all kung-fu, all the time, but, right now that is a very unrealistic dream to try to achieve. It would be terribly selfish if I pulled a stunt along those lines. You see, a good friend of mine once told me that, when setting life priorities, make a list and start with number one most important thing in your life. And write out all my priorities in descending order. Then, go through the list and be honest and truthful about where everything stands in life and re-write the list. So, for example, me staying sober is the most important thing in my life at any point in my life. Without a question. If I am not sober, I have no family, I have no job, and even worse yet, I have no kung-fu. So, remembering where I came from and where I could go if I ignore the simple tell-tales, certain things, just take precedence. That is what happened a few weeks ago. I forgot and tried to push my demons under the rug, and it near cost me dearly. Good thing there are people out there who care enough to give me a few moments of their day. Sometimes that's all we need. A friendly voice and some friendly advice.
Finally, I re-connected with an old friend a few nights ago. Was truly a blessing to run into this person. She is from my past part of my life that I am not overly proud of. I always loved and admired this person. I used to really look forward to hanging out and playing pool with her. I used to truly enjoy her company and conversation. But I pulled a Houdini on everyone a couple of years ago, to find out who I really was. I needed to explain to her, why I disappeared, took off and became a hermit, for many a years. I did not start to think of speaking with this person until after I Ho Chaun started, and I asked the question. "How do I rebuild a relationship. I have spent a lot of time rebuilding relationships?". Get creative I was told. After lots of deliberating, this old friend of mine almost immediately came to mind. Since then, she was constantly on my mind, the ways I wronged and took advantage of her friendship her was starting to fester. So I took drastic measures and walked into the belly of the beast. Into my old stomping grounds. It felt like a scene out of a movie, you know. Standing at the entrance to the cave of that demon. Its all dark and cold out, the winds is whipping. The fire in the hero's eyes light his path. Then boom, the thunder and lighting light up the skies and like a man possessed, he blows down the door and smashes through another group of demons. Like the ninja turtles through the foot clan. Just tearing them apart. Until there is nothing left standing, except for our hero, who, standing on a lifeless pile of bad guys, lets out a triumphant war cry that keeps the gods themselves shaking in their boots. Ha-ha. Got a wee carried away there. Truly, I should not go to those places anymore. It is very dangerous for myself. You want to talk about that feeling of wanting to loose control and going backwards in life. The devil laughing in your ear, telling you it would be okay, and just one will not hurt. Who would know? Yo, give that demon a pie-face and simply smash its face in. Quietly I asked for one metric poop-ton of courage and help to find the words to come clean with her. A feeling of euphoria took over after our conversation was over, and truly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was way easier. Its funny you know, how my mind can twist and contort simple actions and doings, into these massive out of control tornados if you might. My mind likes to go to worst case scenario almost immediately. It does make doing some stuff exceptionally stressful. I know it will never be as bad as I make things out to be, but that fear still likes to put a choke hold on me. It is okay though. All that will happen, is, I will continue to learn about who I am. And that, right there is a fantastic thing!
Well, I figure I have rambled on enough...for today.
So I will see you on the flip side
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
I got a fitbit wrist thingy, so now, keeping track of distance travelled is a lot easier now. My first day with the fitbit, I walked 17km. Fantastic. Now to get on my bike and start making tracks. The rest of my goals are coming well. Push-ups and sit-ups numbers are still up and down, but balance is being achieved. The numbers are starting to level out. Which is what I am after right now. Balance. Finally, we got to do some sparring, that was real nice. It felt fantastic to put the techniques we have learnt into action and see how well we flail about!! I am not able to make it into the kwoon some nights, as I have a young family and my attention is very much needed on certain nights. Tues and Thursday are some of those nights. Honestly, I do not care. Would be nice, but, I can not and it doesn't bother me at all. I do wish my live could be all kung-fu, all the time, but, right now that is a very unrealistic dream to try to achieve. It would be terribly selfish if I pulled a stunt along those lines. You see, a good friend of mine once told me that, when setting life priorities, make a list and start with number one most important thing in your life. And write out all my priorities in descending order. Then, go through the list and be honest and truthful about where everything stands in life and re-write the list. So, for example, me staying sober is the most important thing in my life at any point in my life. Without a question. If I am not sober, I have no family, I have no job, and even worse yet, I have no kung-fu. So, remembering where I came from and where I could go if I ignore the simple tell-tales, certain things, just take precedence. That is what happened a few weeks ago. I forgot and tried to push my demons under the rug, and it near cost me dearly. Good thing there are people out there who care enough to give me a few moments of their day. Sometimes that's all we need. A friendly voice and some friendly advice.
Finally, I re-connected with an old friend a few nights ago. Was truly a blessing to run into this person. She is from my past part of my life that I am not overly proud of. I always loved and admired this person. I used to really look forward to hanging out and playing pool with her. I used to truly enjoy her company and conversation. But I pulled a Houdini on everyone a couple of years ago, to find out who I really was. I needed to explain to her, why I disappeared, took off and became a hermit, for many a years. I did not start to think of speaking with this person until after I Ho Chaun started, and I asked the question. "How do I rebuild a relationship. I have spent a lot of time rebuilding relationships?". Get creative I was told. After lots of deliberating, this old friend of mine almost immediately came to mind. Since then, she was constantly on my mind, the ways I wronged and took advantage of her friendship her was starting to fester. So I took drastic measures and walked into the belly of the beast. Into my old stomping grounds. It felt like a scene out of a movie, you know. Standing at the entrance to the cave of that demon. Its all dark and cold out, the winds is whipping. The fire in the hero's eyes light his path. Then boom, the thunder and lighting light up the skies and like a man possessed, he blows down the door and smashes through another group of demons. Like the ninja turtles through the foot clan. Just tearing them apart. Until there is nothing left standing, except for our hero, who, standing on a lifeless pile of bad guys, lets out a triumphant war cry that keeps the gods themselves shaking in their boots. Ha-ha. Got a wee carried away there. Truly, I should not go to those places anymore. It is very dangerous for myself. You want to talk about that feeling of wanting to loose control and going backwards in life. The devil laughing in your ear, telling you it would be okay, and just one will not hurt. Who would know? Yo, give that demon a pie-face and simply smash its face in. Quietly I asked for one metric poop-ton of courage and help to find the words to come clean with her. A feeling of euphoria took over after our conversation was over, and truly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was way easier. Its funny you know, how my mind can twist and contort simple actions and doings, into these massive out of control tornados if you might. My mind likes to go to worst case scenario almost immediately. It does make doing some stuff exceptionally stressful. I know it will never be as bad as I make things out to be, but that fear still likes to put a choke hold on me. It is okay though. All that will happen, is, I will continue to learn about who I am. And that, right there is a fantastic thing!
Well, I figure I have rambled on enough...for today.
So I will see you on the flip side
Thanks for your time
Mr.Duncan
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