Wasa

 Hey there everyone! Yeah hey it’s great! Just plugging along!! I’ve moved towns now, I’m no longer in Sparwood! No we moved down to Cranbrook!! Oh wow what a place this is….like super sarcastically….I’m sure it has its diamonds. 

 I elected to go to this awesome little hamlet called Wasa. An older Swiss couple own it. Honestly, I think the muppets when I hear a Swiss accent!! Hahah. They are real neat to talk with. I enjoy them. I quite enjoy my time here. Loving it!! 

I have started putting thought to make efforts and plant seeds to move out in this general direction…. I dream of places like this! My kinda world. Decent sized lots for an acceptable price!! Holy moly!! Even larger parcels outside of town. 

Anyhow one of the guys I’m working with, his 3x grandfather was a founding member of this town! Ha. How cool is that?!? And then, everything came together with this fella! He scored me the room! Lines everything but the payment up! I got this for ya Will. He’s good people. He knows who and what and where!! Just a gem. 

Oh you should have seen the size of this black bear we saw a few days ago at end of shift!! Holy cow, she was big! We slowed down to take a look, but, couldn’t stop as I was heading a convoy of trucks down this logging road…hahaha. Man what a time!! I wish I could have stopped though, just to watch and see her! You could tell it was a sow. The ears are different between boars and sows! Bears are cool! She had no cubs and she was older, getting on in age! The dude I ride with, schooled me with bear knowledge and how to identify sow or boar. Guess age correctly! A better way to identify grizzlies other than just looking at the hump! Learnt a lot today! Good time!! 

Adapting and growing

 Why hello there! How are you? The kids? Dogs? Cats? Cool!! Sounds great!! I’m doing well! Real good still. Yup just got back on shift. I had a good set of days off. Never long enough, but, seems too long at times! 

Soooo, plans. Organizing skills. Setting up the days work. Tomorrow’s work plan as well at this point. Adapting and changing. 

Had a 5am out the door kinda day today and I’ve honestly just stopped! 8pm. I had to be in Cranbrook for 7am and I took the company whip, so, that’s really have to drive nicely…I get rewards for driving properly!! Haha. Ahhh what a place. Seriously my company handed me a 600watt work flood light, for driving properly…mind blown, but thank you! This is great! Anyways, back to the point. Last night we/I had a chat with the crew about today’s work. And we had a plan that was deadly! We would have been off of the lease and near done the second lease, across the street! Cool, I talk to the bosses and lay out the plan! Bosses like it, makes sense! 

I’m finished my reading and have finally made it back to site! Dudes, I roll onto site and nothing has changed! Not one piece of dirt, not a rock, nothing!! What is “tarnations?” That’s not what I said, use your imagination! Not you kids, just the adults. Yeah there’s my operator! Yeah his hoe is not broken, what the front door is happening here!! I’m mad, but, I gotta be calm! That’s the boss I wanna be! Not going to let this ruin my day! Nope! Lead by example! 

Allan, jumps outta his hoe, speed walks over and starts spilling the beans! Dude, you’ll never believe this! Well this morning, in my absence, the boss changed the plan, and told my operator to just kinda take the day and be chill, nap if you want, it doesn’t matter….. Oh I said! Well than! Isn’t that neat! Well, whatever then! Sorry dude but get back in that hoe and let’s get to work I suppose! He does and we do! 

The boss shows up later on and is like, what are the odds you are going to be done tonight will? It’s supposed to rain tmrw! 

I’m pausing, and collecting my thoughts! Oh I’m choosing my words wisely right now! There’s so much I want to say!! I’m staring dead at him and ask, “Pardon? I didn’t hear you properly what did you just say to me?” So he repeats and I’m like, “ya know something here boss, if the plan was left alone today, we would be done, but it wasn’t and because of that we won’t be done tonight, at all!” “Oh well can we make this happen?” “No, not tonight, too much too do!” He says thanks and leaves. 

And you know something team, I put my anger into my task and, by golly, we would have got it done tonight, I truly would have even in such a short period of time, but alas the boss calls and changed the plan, again, and completely sent it all for a ride, again. I was so impressed! Like super happy he did that! 

I had top soil left and that is fast and easy! Two hours no sweat!! Now, abandon this site, loose two hours+travel back and forth and we just lost 3-4 hours and we honestly went and did all the work we could do in the rain for tmrw…

Boss shows back up to drop off stuff we needed tmrw and is like, “yup, I screwed you!” 

Man I stopped dead in my tracks and simply said, yeah, you did! But imma tell you this for free right now! I’ve screwed up on site and you covered for me! Its my turn to cover for you! Don’t worry about it boss! I’ll still make you look good!”

“Okay, good, I though you where gonna beat me up! Okay cool Will, see you later” 

“That’s not off the table yet, but have a nice night, see ya later”

I was pretty proud of myself! I stayed calm, I didn’t even raise my voice! I had impulses, I wanted to just explain things, but, what will I gain? Nothing! He’s covered for me, so that would be rude for me to do. I could have just walked away, not even speak to him, like I first wanted too, but that’s childish! 

What I did do was put myself in his shoes an try to understand his logic! Make sense of his mess, maybe I’m not understanding it! Maybe I just can’t see the play! Maybe he’s still feeling the days off? Man, I don’t know! What I chalked it up too, is he has his reasons why! It’s my job to do as instructed and learn. 

My temper has always been my Achilles’ tendon! I could get mad at my pants forgoing on to easy…. Always, finally, after many many years of slowly working on it, I am starting to calm down! Starting to see more of the grand picture. Especially since the pandemic started! I’ve honestly tried really hard to not jump to conclusions and try so hard to see it from everyone else’s perspective! To lead by example as best I can! Be the boss everyone wants to work for!!

Today team, outside of the actual training itself, my day flopped, it sucked, it was dog poop! Never should have gotten outta bed! Could have thrown a fire extinguisher, I was so pissed!! But today, I stayed in that positive mental attitude! I took breathes!! Deep ones!! I stayed “for real” smiling and kept it cool! Even my partner commented on how calm I took the crap show!! 

Today, I took a victory for myself! Chalking this one up to the higher power and giving thanks for the strength to stay calm! 

Fist pumps and high fives!! 

Anyhow, everyone, I’m starting the head nod, I am gonna shut this down for the night! 

And such, I say good night!

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

All In Good Time

 Well, it’s been a while I’d say. thanks for the poke there, Mr.B! I have honestly lost track of time. And now, its near september. Getting stuff done homies! Just killing things….man mad props from everyone out here! People real pleased with the jobs we as a crew are doing. It’s nice. And we really are doing a bang up job. I mean, it’s pretty cool. 

We had black bears come and check us out wednesday! Two cubs and mom was spotted off in the trees, I’d say they were 80-90 years away, heads just peaking over the tall grass!!! They split a rotten tree stump and they were busy over there. It was cool!! And some people have to stop on the highways to see that, I just go to work!! we watched them split a rotten tree root and start digging. It really looked like the cubs where having a blast. I did not see mama bear, but, honestly, its a black bear. so, do not go poking them and they will leave you alone. its not like it was a grizzely who, will literally bluff rush you, simply because it can. Grizzelies know how big they are, black bears do not, or they just dont care. dont poke the black bear and you get to live!! haha. what a day that was. 

I feel a lot like I getting rewarded for my efforts at work. I giver and I care! It honestly sets me apart from others who don’t carry an attitude like mine. Once I’m committed, I’m all in. No excuses. Ha ha!  I don’t mean to toot my horn… too loudly, but it feels good, for a fella like me, who pours his everything into the project, to get a few atta boys!! 

For example, The head inspector, him and I work closely together. He knows I’m new to integrity digs and management on the pipeline. He’s working with me. Tips, advice, a heads up on how to be more efficient. And actually helping get stuff done. He literally gets i the ditch and gets dirty with us. That is absolutely unheard of. most wont say boo, and most just run and tell on you. Positive reinforcement. Helpful advice. Explains himself,  the whys and how’s. I listen and grow. I pay attention and ask questions. I see what’s going on here. 

He says to me, “ya know will, you’re gonna be a foreman one day here real soon, you’ll see!” I kinda laugh, “sure, sure, I’m like a dog driving a car dude!” He responded  “laugh now and make sure you laugh later when I say I told you so!” 

A few days go by and I get called in to talk to the superintendent about, well, a utility foreman seat! They like my clean up and how I conduct my small crew and leases I do “run”  everyone’s real happy with everything I bring to the table, haha!! Oh I laughed!! my quality of work is very high. I do not leave any garbage, messes and unless you know what to look for, you wouldn't even know we where there. Yeah baby, yeah!!

To be honest with a whole crew of like minded positive people, things are just better! well, this blogg has been in the works for a few days, and a few days ago, i really enjoyed everyone. two people decided to blow two shifts, to basically go get drunk. I want them off my crew, like yesterday! Fired! You're fired, but, the big big boss, has decided for one more chance.....I am floored. Me? I do not have patience for people like that. Absolutely shocked....i told him, this is a terrible exapmle to set. You do realize we will pay for this now and later, when people figure out they can just no-show, whenever they want to. A very dangerous standard to set. How do i know? Because ive seen it all too many times. 

I still like that vast majority of people here, now, i just have to be a little more attentive. All i need is an excuse at this point. Whats the big deal? sure ill tell you. What would happen if my boss decided, naw, im going to get drunk and blow off two shifts? The project will come to a screatching halt. What happens if I blow shift? My truck doesnt move, and no one on my crew gets to site, the plan for the day gets screwed right up. Both fired, these two degenerates......

Anyhow, what about training you say? Its okay. i have kinda dwindled out here. I am beat. I figured it would be easier to get back into full swing once i was used to working again, but after a 14hour day, one of the last things i want to do, is go anywhere and do anything. so, yeah I'm slacking and slacking hard. i know excuses, excuses. Hahahaha. 

Now that im managment, theres extra training and courses, i have to keep up with, and that eats up alot of my spare time. Its all computer work too boot, and we all know how much i suck with computers. Ahh well, welcome to the big leauges. 

the bits of trraining io do do, i try exceptionally hard for clean and precise movements. why am i practising? to get better, so, be better, in my practicing. Lock those stances, before moving on. Get those push up and sit ups in. Come on man, i know im tired, I know its been a hot and dirty long day. But, come on man, lets get rolling. And after a few moments of the body fighting and being stubborn, i start the training again. 

Well, i guess, I dont know what else to talk about. 

Oh, have you seen Peaky Blinders? Man what a great show, BY order of The Peaky Blinders you gotta watch it. Starts in 1919, and follows this street gang, that has huge ambitions!! The guys have razor blades tied into their caps, they make examples and statements with. Oh its my kinda show. 

Okay dokay, now i think that is everything

I will talk at you soon!

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Touching Base

 Howdy ho there friends!! How’s it going? How’s the week and a bit been? Been good!? Yeah I bet! It’s been well, thanks for asking! Really well! 

Work has been great. Quite rewarding!! I’m made it through the break in period of being a mini boss, and tomorrow I start my journey on my own! It’s honestly something I’ve done a lot on the pipeline and it was my break through gig on the line! Oh, I didn’t say, you say. It’s the shading end of things. So the jobs done and inspected and crates and everything is flowing and all that’s left is covering the pipe up. There’s far more to it than just dumping some dirt on it and walking away!! I wish! 

No, there’s a lot of sand needed to lay the pipe on and we need 300mm of coverage all over the pipe, compacted to an inspectors liking and then layer by layer we cover and compact! It’s about a 16hour gig to do properly! Rules about when the compactor can go on pipe and which compactor and at what height are we to change the directions! 

Ya know and it made me wonder, if we make new rules by learning the hard way, then that’s must of sucked learning that lesson….

Anyhow, I just finished my few days off and spent them really crushing time with the family. Busy busy, seems I need to be at work to relax!! Hahaha. I’m just kidding.

The other day I was working some DMH and I’m not sure if I was looking the best or what, but man I was having fun. Snapping the body into stance, finding that ground! I was really feeling the forms. 

Dragon felt good, I’m positive I’m mixing something up, but that’s cool. Maybe I’m really not and just second guessing myself too much! I really enjoy that form. Just the power and flow, when I do find it, it’s just incredible! Like, the second last technique I keep having this feeling of face palming someone!! Hahaha! I like that even more! 

I wanna tell ya about this chat I had this a real old friend! This is the second guy in the last few weeks frond the past that has reached out to me! It’s a cool feeling, tell ya what! 

So anybow, we rolled together in high school and a bit in adult life, but, parted ways long time ago! I honestly half thought he was passed away until I saw him on the book of faces! It is funny how things work out, after the typical, how are you what are you doing babble, he opened up! He’s looking for someone to help, with different symptoms, but is at that stage of ready to accept, but doesn’t wanna take that plunge yet! And he’s happy with what he’s got!! And that’s just fine I say! Atleast he’s out there getting in touch with the good people and asking the good questions!! 

He asked about getting happier and how to try to beat these bouts of depression. I’m no expert but, I know what I know! I said, finding gratitude in what is in front of me, in my family and home, and just being grateful that it’s not worse, because it could be. The universe gives you exactly what you can handle, it’s gratitude for “the opportunity to get to work on this problem” that makes me smile! 

…from what I’ve heard…from people I really admire…and from what I’ve experienced first hand…

But I digress, I’m tired and fear I’ll start rambling about wrestling and how it’s made me mad!! Like, Getting rid of Bray Wyatt…like who does that???!? Why in gods green earth would you let go one of the hottest names in wrestling today??? Like some of the other talent I can live with, fine…but bray Wyatt?? And then you put Goldberg in the title picture? Goldberg?? Don’t ya mean Oldberg man alive! What is this? The Golden Girls?? Oldberg gave himself a concussion on the last match he was in by smashing his own head against a steel door to get amped up?? Who does that? He practically fell over in his entrance… And then you just about break the undertakers neck, not once but twice!! In the same bloody match! Literally booed outta the ring and a like 18 months later, have another title shot while we lay off the real talent!!! It’s okay to retire with grace and be the literal unstoppable machine from 20 years ago, but this is just trying to light a fart in a tornado….ahhh! That’s right! A fart in a tornado! It stinks and it blows!! And then…

Haha oh well…

Okay dokay! I’ll talk to you later

Mr.Duncan

Hi!

 Howdy do there everyone!! Well another one down and another group of wins!! Good days indeed. 

I wanna try to paint a picture. We, the crew, were down at this one site we have. There’s a few streams coming into a larger stream, just over there!! I can hear it! So, we had to dig in some enviro fencing! Alot of it! Like 25m worth. It’s a woven fabric that only allows water to flow through, not dirt, not grass, just water! So, it’s gotta be installed underground!  Why, because that’s not where we found the dirt!!! Anyhow, we hear this creek! We all hear the water, we all smell the change in the air, alas all stopped to take a look! We all smiled at each other, nodded and buckled down!! It was last shift of the week, and the days almost over…well, the four of us just buckled down and went to work! We all wanted to go check out the creeks! We worked hard got done early and we all just dropped our shovels where we stood and found a path! 

Oh people, we are all excited and for our little treat. Paths are found and the best thing is, is we all have a great relationship with each other and we say things like, are you skipping rocks or throwing submarines? Our foreman who is the “this is a pipeline not a playground” kinda guy! Smiles when he’s ripping on ya!!  He’s stripped of his boots and socks, pants rolled up and ear to ear grin! The other two are playing about in the woods next to this creek!! I’m squatting by this creek side soaking myself with my hands, ah the cool water soaking into my face and head!! Cooling off from a dog days worth of work! Washing away the caked on sweat!! As I continue to splash water Gord Downie came to mind, 

… I had my hands in the river, my feet back up on the banks 
Looked up to the Lord above and said, "Hey, man thanks" 
Sometimes I feel so good, I gotta scream 

and I did…all of it!  More like a Rick flair Woooo!! Yeah you know it!! Oh it felt so good!! 

Any which way, we hung out for a few more minutes before boss calls it! One more face scrubbing and off we go! 

It’s the little experiences like this, that make the gig even more worth it! 

Kung fu and school I’m having a time maintaining both, and it’s something I’m working on. I’m keeping up with my studies more than anything, so honestly, maintains my Kung fu has become a struggle at times. Not that I do t want to, it’s, just not very committed all the time. Im tired at night! Some nights, it feels like a motion. No commitment. I’m doing this and then this, oh now I’m kicking, blah blah blah. A few nights it’s been solid, not so many, yet! 

After I’ve got time, I’m pretty beat up for the day. So, yeah some nights it’s ready for work and eat and read a few chapters and then it’s tomorrow! Repeat! Ha! I gotta remember Im still getting into the work swing again! 10 months at home! Pfft, got soft! Still sharpening up some of my skills! In good time, I’m confident, I can carve a new  schedule! Re-structure my time into something more efficient! Kinda just winging it, seat o’ my pants! 

Anyhow! I’ll let ya go for now! 

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

How long? Oops!!

 Hey yo!! It’s finally mr.D!! Well, my time here has been, life changing. Just from spending this much time here, it’s only been a few weeks, I’ve managed to near quit smoking, I only feel the urges and temptations at night, and it’s truly getting easier and easier to say no! I really don’t want it anymore! 

School is not so bad! I’ve been reading and studying still at night, for the small amounts of time I have! I’m pounding the hours and working like a dog! I know I was really hoping that school would be done and I’d be a certified inspector and stuff, but it’s not exactly how things are supposed to roll I suppose! 

When I made the decision to go back to work, I talked with sifu about it, and he really emphasized that not always do our dreams work out exactly how we want the first go at things!! I’ve really held onto that advice and have tried to just take things as they come and adapt, advance, attack, annihilate!! And then Sifu Cosgrove’s post, yeah that’s been my pathway too it seems! Nailed it! 

Honestly, so far so good! I think. The work itself is all integrity, inspecting, and revamping the pipeline! Which is exactly what we should be doing! No more new lines, but let’s fix up and upgrade what we have!! It’s the only logical step! Or we can have disasters everywhere….

I wasn’t sure of where on the site I would fit, being I’m one of the first here! It turns out I’ve been bumped into the digging crew, which is perfect! Simply because, I do want to be apart of the digging and integrity work! My foreman is one of the finest in the buisness! So, I’m sticking with him. The work we are doing requires, absolute spot on pipelining skills! The lines are all hot and pushing a lot of product…hahaha….it’s only sour gas, no worries!! Ha ha ha! Oh that line over there, that’s the towns natural gas! Yeah that’s right! 

I’m enjoying the work! I’m literally digging ditches by hand! We do have a hoe, but he’s not allowed within 1M of the pipe…so, that’s why I am here!! Oh it feels good to work like this! Head down, sweat spraying with your breath, blistering heat, ahhh I’m loving it!! How couldn’t I? I stop to catch my breath between shovels and man, it’s the mountains!! Pfft, BIG ol smile and start shovelling again!! 

Oh, and those fellas that replaced me before I was even there? They did not study enough for their exam, they couldn’t even get on site! Haha oh my god! My lead hand is going to take the foreman position on coating crew and I, by default, have be given the lead hand position under my foreman!

And just like that things change and change again!! 

Adapt, advance, attack, annihilite! 

Teammies, you should see some of the spots I have found to practice Kung fu!! Hahaha! Hopefully I remember to take pics! 

Okay, I’ll talk at ya later! Thanks for your time!

Mr.Duncan. 

July 2, 2011

 Normally I write on sundays! But I knew this day was coming, so Ive waited patiently to write this blog! 

Well, for myself today is a very powerful day! This day exactly 10years and 4hours ago, 3650 one day at a times ago,I chose to change my life. I’m going to take a trip down memory lane! It’s not that I want to live in the past nor do I envy or miss the past! Today’s post is all about remembering where I came from and remembering where I can go, if I decide to go back to my old ways! Remembering why I have a sociopath tattooed on my foreman…remembering who I become if I don’t pay attention to me! 

Ten years ago, wow, how time has passed ever so quickly it seems. Ten years ago, I had to change. I was walking that razors edge of suicide and “living”. Every day I’d purposely play with death. I think it was because I didn’t know how fortunate and lucky of a guy I truly was. I had given up on myself at a really young age and resorted to alcohol to deal with life. Alcohol was to only thing I could count on back then. I had no friends, my wife and kids had their bags packed. I was destined to be a loser, so I thought. All I had, at that point in time in my life was a bottle of whiskey or a flat of road pops! Man what a disaster!! How I never killed myself or anyone else, I can only thank my creator for watching out for me! 

I grew up in a home where love wasn’t really a thing and so I never learnt how to express myself without bouts of terrible words, and then I’d go bust someone’s face in the streets, or get beat up! Didn’t matter as long as it was going down!! I was on a path to an implosion! A self run tornado of absolute destruction of anything in my life! I learnt at a very young age, that violence solves almost anything, I still indeed struggle with that as an adult, and there’s times I want to melt someone’s noodle for them, but I work at it! And it’s easier to remove those thoughts today!! Years of practice though!! 

And to be honest, I tried to quit drinking on my own! I switched brands, I only drank whiskey on saturdays, then only on fridays! Or I’d only drink 6 on the way home from work and then float for the rest of the night! Or id only drink rum, or only beers, man I “tried to change on my own” so many times. 

And my life just kept doing downhill. My younger cousin Chad, he gave his life as an example for the rest of us! My family struggles with personal demons, it’s literally ripped my family to shreds! Chad, man, I love you so much cousin! I stay sober for you my friend! I hope you can see me from heaven, I havnt stopped working for us cousin. And I won’t Chad. I promised you at your funeral I was going to do something about it! But I kept drinking. I really sank deeper and deeper into depression! 

Chad was my only friend! He was the only person who ever gave a shit about me. He was the only person who called to talk to me. Or just pop by and visit! The ONLY person I had in my life that didn’t hate me…and then, he took his life… I was left alone and depressed! I went dark! 

I was technically broken and severely confused! I took the blame of his suicide and carried it! I was supposed to have called him that very night! We always called each other just to see how we where! We as a family knew we where nuts and back then, we took care of each other! But that night, I did not call, and Chad passed…I carried that burden. It wasn’t right I took the blame, but that was then!  A few more months of escalated antics and increasing the amounts of insanity I craved in my life, Canada Day 2011 finally hit! (There’s a specific reason the joker is tattooed where he is on my arm! So every morning when I brush my teeth first thing, I make direct eye contact with him and I have to make a clear decision every morning, do I stay sober or do I go get blasted and torment good people?) 

Canada Day of 2011 came and I went WILD that night! As wild and crazy and absolutely insane as it was, this night had to happen EXACTLY how it happened! Shudder shudder…And as a black-out drunk, for some reason I vividly remember this night!!! Party on the beach in Regina! Running from the cops, hiding from heavy drug dealers, near getting stabbed to death! I got into some serious trouble that night, that was exponentially worse with alcohol and drugs!!  Long story short, I just about died that night. Me and my “friend” got cornered in a public bathroom over a drug debt…knives got pulled and fists went flying, there was all sorts of wow!! We literally fought for our lives that night…and the night did not end there; oh no, of course it didn’t! I was on a path to destruction and by god I was gonna hit it! Onto the harder and harder drugs…cocaine isn’t doing anything and neither is the booze, ahhhh screaming at the moon wild!!!  so onto more and more and harder and harder….

And at some point the next day I passed out! When I finally did I kept having these nightmares. I couldn’t sleep! My dead cousin came to me in my dream and absolutely scared the heck outta me! I woke up crying and shaking! So fearful of my life! All such new and crazy feelings. I knew I needed help! I was so messed up, didn’t know what way was left or left? On and off I dozed in broken tent in this flippen farmers field, sweltering heat and coming down and nightmares! That darned devil showed up in my nightmares! I will never forget what it said to me! “You’re soul is mine! You’re mine boy!” And I woke up terrified crying and so lost! Just a broken scared individual! So much so I basically packed up my stuff and left for home! Left half my camp set up! I just needed to leave! 

I had four options given to me! 1.Go to a treatment center 2. Go to an insane asylum 3. Go to AA and get some help! 4. Beat it and don’t come back. 

I went to AA. I thought it would be easy!! Hahaha. Ahh. So nieve, but so worth the every second of it!! My very first meeting, the first things anyone said to me those rooms as this! “Kid if you want to get sober, you get honest and get honest right fn now! Because whatever you’re ashamed of, whatever you’ve done and whatever you’ve said, so have all of us! So get honest and honest right f’n now!” Ive never seen that man since that day! Bless you good sir, saved my life.  I really wish I knew who he was so I could thank him for his words! 

Regardless, that man changed my life with those few sentences! No longer was I alone in this world! No longer did I have to carry these burdens, no more! I have friends that do care! People from the mtgs would call! “Will, what are you doing? Are you coming to the mtg tonight? Can’t wait to see you” I’d be half nuts loosing it on the wind and they’d say, keep coming back Will! We love you!!” “Wtf you just say to me?” “Okay just keep coming back will!!” They taught me love when I I knew was anger! They showed me kindness when I didn’t know how to! They showed me purpose and gave me a path to get there! 

I’d just think to myself, they are happy to see me? What kind of a trick is this? Seriously, are you messing with me? It took a little bit, but, after listening to the laughter and getting the hugs and actually learning to believe that strangers do give a crap about me, I started to come around! Once the desire to drink was lifted from me, through pray and believing in myself and doing the actual work out in front of me, it finally was gone! Then I could forgive myself! Then I started to not only believe that I deserved to live, that I deserved a decent life! That I did not have to be a loser! In fact I never was a loser!  I started to believe that I was worth more than farts in the wind. Today, not only do I believe I deserve a decent life, I want other people to have amazing lives today! Everyone deserves to be happy!! 

Now, I worked and worked for my sobriety! I fought tooth and nail to stay sober! I would lay there at night, terrified to sleep, because that damn devil was gonna show up and torment me…that scared me so much, I just did not sleep! I couldn’t! Scared me so much! Than one day a good friend of mine was listening to me talk about this demon in my dreams! And he volunteered his time to help get rid of the devil! We prepared for war! I told him, he’s not letting go man! I suffocate at night! He said good! Let’s go to war for your soul will! And by god war we brought to the devil! By the time we were done, the devil was in the corner crying for help! The devil was begging me to stop, but I didn’t and I still don’t! Today I lean on him hard! Harder than when I started! And well, needless to say, I stand before you my friends,  not him!!

My buddy showed my the power of the creator! He led me into a faithfulness where He is greater than I! And I am merely a tool for his greater good! I learnt I have the power in my mind, and by the creators will, I fought that demon every single bloody night, until, one night! I said no more! You do not scare me anymore! I am Will Fuxking Duncan! You do not control me you mfer! Stay outta my head! You no longer have power over me! And that was honestly the end of that! Not to say the devil hasn’t reared his ugly face and tried to come back! I mean he did own me a really long time, but, he keeps failing and his voice gets quieter and quieter each time! I laugh in his face today! To be brutally honest! Laugh!! I try to not get complacent, he’s always around!

But I still make mistakes! 

That’s cool! I take ownership and make amends and carry on in life! I just try my best! 

And even still, I had something missing! I poured everything I had into sobriety, and still there was just a tiny piece missing! One day I fell into SRKF in Onoway! And here’s Sifu Ryback and Sifu Wiebe! Two people who where very important in my early sobriety, and I don’t know, if they knew how powerful they were for me! Listen, for me, I saw two highly functioning adults, adulting and doing some awesome Kung fu, and I thought, i should be able to do that! So yes, Sifu Wiebe, I will join your class! That night changed my life every so drastically!! 

I didn’t know much about the stony plain school! The tournament time was upon us and I’ll never ever forget! Sifu Wiebe convinced me to participate! I said okay, if that’s what you feel is best! So I walked into the stony school, not knowing who anyone really is! I competed and I guess I did well that year! I’ll never forget, Sifu Brinker comes up to me after the tourney, and complimented me on well! Sifu Wiebe was like, dude, that’s master Sifu! He just complimented your Kung fu! That’s pretty awesome! You should be proud of yourself! That doesn’t happen as much as you may think! 

It was the second time in my life I felt like I belonged! I don’t know if Sifu Brinker meant it, or what! But I didn’t care! The fact that this dude just paid attention to me, when he didn’t have to, was pretty powerful to me! Nobody ever gave a crap about me, and here’s this master instructor who took the time to compliment me?!? Wow okay!!! Honestly, it gave me a serious confidence boost! A boost in belonging! I’ve always carried that convo with me! It still gives me goosebumps! 

Slowly, but with hesitation, I felt safer and safer at the Kwoon! I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere in life! But here in this school, with these people, I felt like I mattered! It felt like these people, actually cared about me! Why? I’m a stranger! No one knows me! Why do you care about me? People would stop doing stuff to come help me?!?!? I would ask a question and here’s Sifu Vantuil literally taking things out of her hands to give me her absolute full attention…. absolutely blown away!!! What do you mean you care about everyone? What? I ain’t never heard that before! I wanted to believe, but I ain’t never seen it, outside of the rooms! 

You may think I’m kidding, but I never saw kindness like I’ve seen in this school, just given away so freely! And respect for everyone… that was unheard of for myself! Ha really kinda set me back a bit! I’ve learned to embrace it and it’s actually really cool, just being kind and stuff like that! 

What I learnt in just watching my instructors, is that, you can completely weaponize your body and mind, but now it’s my responsibility to not harm others!! In fact, you should care about people! Even if someone is running off at the mouth, and the old me would have parked my fist in that face, I should not do that?!? Oh that’s news!!  I would take what I learnt in kung fu and conform it to what I learnt in AA! Holy, the words are different, but you speak the same message! Okay, so after a while I put absolute faith in my instructors and complete trust in my creator! I’m supposed to be here! I’m supposed to be with SRKF! Funny enough, every instructor I’ve ever worked with, is simply there to help and build… holy crap…you’re gonna teach me how to destroy someone, but, I don’t actually want to harm anyone anymore… what kind of magic is this?!? Oh it’s martial arts mastery oh….

Through all my journeys and places I’ve gone and things I’ve done, the Kwoon has always been my safe place! Everyone’s chill, everyone’s nice, train hard play hard! Sweet!! 

Silent River Kung Fu gave me a place to belong! SRKF gave me a sense of community, making me do demos and putting myself out there! SRKF gave me methods to dismantle my anger and build confidence! SRKF, in combination with AA, gave me a second chance at life! Silent River has simply help save my life! For that I’m eternally grateful! If there’s ever a time where the tkd or karate schools are throwing shade….no sweat , give the order bosses and I will have a chat! I owe my life and my sobriety to this school, something I won’t forget! Besides once you got my loyalty, no sweat!!

SRKF is not just a school or a building to me! Truly it’s more than a Kwoon as well! Like for others, it’s home! Ive had many of powerful memories in the Kwoon that I hold dear! 

I may not be the best teammate, nor am I often around, but I promise all of you, you are my family! Im like the 3rd cousin twice removed, somehow always still around…hahaha! I’m so proud to be apart of Silent River. I’m even prouder to celebrate 10years of sobriety with everyone here! 

This has been a wild 10 year ride and I’m so happy to be apart of Silent River! Thanks to everyone for helping me and listening to me and being apart of my journey in sobriety! 

What a gift I have! 

Thanks for reading my blog today! 

 July 2, 2011

Forever the worst day, that forever positively changed my life. So it’s actually the best day ever! 

3, 650 days of I can do this, if only for today! 

Thanks for your time! 

Mr.Duncan