Almost there!!

 Well howdy do there!! Another Sunday is here for our enjoyment. Hey!! The old Sunday morning pancakes!! Family loves it!! 

Anyhow, wow, do I have something for you guys!! Finally my hip is feeling better!! Three days straight of no pains in the am!! Finally sleeping through the night without the pain wake ups!! Awesome! Kicks?!? Oh yeah getting there! Getting stronger and stronger!! The flexibility, the rotations, the extensions, oh boy, it’s coming back fast and furious!! I’ve had to abandon the old game plan, for now, and do some serious mods to what I was accomplishing and getting done in a day!! 

I have kept rolling with the training, obviously, not as hard as I wanted to, but progress has been made!!  And this week boy, I’d love to hit every single milestone I can, but I’d hate to reinsure myself! So, caution still must be used. 

It’s good though! In all seriousness, I have learnt to slow down and just be! I have learnt I don’t always have to be doing stuff.....hold on, some poison crap music just hit the radio.

Any which way teamies, that dragon technique!! Hey!! What you think of that!! Man, I love that jazz! I’ve kept rolling heavy on the dragon and, outside of the weird way I move now, I’m getting things sorted! I don’t want to get all hung up on applications and real life uses! I’m trying hard to stay true to the form aspect and just flow with the dragon. And honestly, after a bunch of reps, and things start clicking, oh my does it feel great!! Soon the stances will “be back”

The part I’m really starting to enjoy is, tearing this form apart and trying to understand the motions. I feel there is more hidden in this form than I can understand at this point in my training, which in turn motivates me to continue sorting this tech out!! For me, this form is very empowering and honestly, when I block out the pain and do the technique as best as I can, I feel like a beast afterwards! I truly let my mind go and just let the dragon take over! The interceptions and hidden strike in there! So much in there! Absorbing, interception, break move forward!! Oh my. It’s like Christmas for me!! 

I’ve been virtually attending classes, pushing to stay engaged and pushing to keep learning! Honestly, I wish I’d of done better Thursday night in IHC class, but, I did what I did. I mean no ones judging, but myself, and I know injuries, and I know don’t be so hard on myself, still though, I should have done better! That’s okay! I found a pain limit on Thursday night and wanted to push through, not super hard, but hard enough to have my hip wanna give out on me...it was okay, but I’ll do better! I wasn’t impressed with the effort I gave. 

It’s hard to slow down, when you see people in class and everyone’s pushing and training and everyone produces some really cool stuff, and I feel crappy about this injury as it is and fueled by not being able to kick or my stances are garbage, so I’m not feeling sorry for myself, just saying. Motivating more than anything else. 

I yearn to do better. I yearn to be an example of progress and taking steps into being a better person. 

Kung Fu eh!! What a thing. Once my doctor found out that I train in the martial arts, he was very happy with me! Once he found out I train exclusively with SRKF his attitude and outlook of my injuries changed. Like he’s of taken care of me no matter, but once he found out I’m a student with SRKF, boy, the suggestions and ways to heal started flowing much faster. I did tell him, a lack of training is starting to hurt mentally, so, we had the talk about how long this could take and what I could be looking at down the road! More pain!! 

Hahaha. But, he did say, this is no reason to not train, just figure out different ways to train! He had nothing but great things to say about our master sifu!! Motivates me more to do right by SRKF! My doc was so happy I’ve found a sense of belonging with Silent River Kung Fu....

”It’s been a long time to find belonging hey will?!?”

“ Yeah doc, and I can’t loose this man, this would cripple me mentally! This already sucks big time!”

“ Don’t sweat it will, we will fix you up! A few weeks and you’ll be good to go! Gotta respect the process!” 

The only part I am never fond of is the prescriptions! He’s never forced a pill or anything, but, he’s a doctor and has to explore and explain options. That’s literally his job! I try hard to not knock pills, but come on dudes! I get it, you want to help me out, and you feel these pills may help.  Giving me free painkillers/mind altering is like exactly giving a recovered addict, active  drugs and saying be careful.... haha. Oh because that never blew up in my face before!! Hahaha! It’s usually an awkward talk, but I don’t care! I argue very heavy that in no way, shape or fashion will I ever put a pill in me!! Not unless it’s ultimately going to save my physical body, like my head will explode without it! Maybe, physically in so much pain you can’t move, sure, okay they do have a place! Just not for me! We always have the chat! I don’t mind either! He always has wonderful arguments! I usually find I’m being stubborn, and so, I took the cream instead pills?!? I don’t know?!? Compromise I guess! 

Besides I wasn’t looking to get rid of the pain! I was looking for a plan to move forward! That’s what I want! Is it serious? What’s gone wrong? How to repair? That’s it! I can handle the pain! That’s just letting me know I’m hitting the limits for the day! Move safely beyond and rest! Limitations are moving away quickly, but, because I feel I’m payin attention! There’s a difference between a safe burn and a ripping point! Trust me I’ve found it a few times!! I got the details and I’ve put together the plan! Time to keep moving! 

More importantly remembering some days are better than others! There’s no bad days, just moments! And that’s on me too! And that’s okay!  

Oh shucks one more thing! What’s the best Kung Fu vegetable? 

🙄🙄

......Brocco Lee....

😂😂

Thanks for your time! 

Mr.Duncan 

 

Another week down.

 Well it is Sunday already. Look at the time fly. I really don’t have a lot. It was a week mixed with pains in the hips and down the leg and, today, I’m feeling okay!! 

Training took an obvious hit! Numbers? What are those? I did have a heck of a time even transitioning from one leg to the other! Dragon technique, just started happening again!! Sit-ups, sounds like crickets hiding in the hip, so I’ve slowed those way down. The crane stance wasn’t happening, until most recently. I should say a proper crane stance. I could get the knee up, just not beyond like knee height. The rotations we did in class two weeks ago, to work on flow did help keep my moving. I would not swing or rotate, just turn that little bit! That was too much some days! Nothing deep or fancy, just keep moving. 

Obviously weight lifting was a no go this week. I did try doing arms and chest, but holy cow, the hip is deeply involved in every single workout out there!! Hahaha. Gotta have a proper stance, and I was unable to get a solid footing, so instead of continual re-injuring myself, I did stop the weight training and kept the body motions! 

It’s feeling much better lately! I legit took a few days and really let things heal up, at the beginning of last week! As best as I could. Sitting for too long was painful and so is standing, so there was a lot of slow pacing around the house, stop, stretch, feel immense pain, keep moving forward!! Hahaha. 

Keep moving, don’t get discouraged! 

I am a little frustrated with things. But, I mean, what does a fella do? Find some gratitude and try to move forward. I’ve never felt a pull like this, so, I was and still am a tad worried. There’s a long history of weak hips in old age with my family. My grandfather had both hips replaced before he was 60....so that’s kinda weighing there, but, honestly, I’m a bit of a domesday kinda guy! I gottta just chill out on that thought process. 

I do have a dr appt booked for Tuesday coming up. I look forward to some sort of answers. I do imagine I’ll get sent to a physiotherapist...I stress because I don’t have any health insurance at this point! I lost all that with my jobs....soon I will have my own company and I’ll have all the proper coverage then, but, until then I’m at the will of the healthcare system. 

Stupid injuries. Stupid weak human bodies. I need a full on mechanical body! With fricken lasers on my forehead and rocket attached missle punches. And a hip that doesn’t make crunching and popping noises... one can only dream!! 

I’m doing okay. I really am. Hanging in there. Feels by the skin on my teeth, but I’m moving forward. Schools coming along. I am behind on my time lines, but, I have gotten over that. Accepted it’s going to take me longer than I hoped for and just keep moving forward!! I booked my final for the last Tuesday in March. 

I’m actually really nervous. In college I used to get severe test anxiety, to the point I’d literally fail the exam hard! Test anxiety cost me dearly in sheet metal school and even ironworking school. I was hitting 80-90 in trade school, so, dropping marks on the exams wasn’t a big deal, I still passed. Early on though, before my journey in the trades, I was in electrical engineering! I am a smart person, I’m just slower than others. So real quick, Friday was typically the unit exams. Monday we’d start new material and by Wednesday, just the pure speed that they need to teach at I’d be getting lost in the lessons! So I did tutoring, extra help with the classsmates, I’d stay late with the instructors, 12-14 hour days of studying and books. By the test I’d feel great, I could answer any question given to me. On paper on the blackboard, in the lunch room, I get to the test and literally forget everything at the door....you know what it’s like to sit in an exam worth 60% full well knowing you know this but can’t get your flippen  brain working. I received my mark, I remember telling myself I did great! No worries, I nailed this. We studied like crazy for a long time on this subject...33% what?? 33%... wow....This wasn’t the first time either, this was a wicked reoccurring event that I’ve addressed numerous times with numerous forms of help since junior high!! This test particularly was important in my life. I remember the whole class was fuzzy and I just wasn’t there! I had always been positive, no sweat, we can turn this around! More studying and tutoring! This test though two years of this struggle, with no change in the results.... I just kept staring at my mark, trying so hard to hold my shit together! The end of class, I grabbed my books and went to my car, just completely deflated. The day was still early, but man, now I have to tell my parents what happened....yeah that was fun.... I have always wished that day never happened! There was so much that happened that day, that changed my entire life, very little of it was for the good! One of those very important life altering days! That changed my relationship with my folks, my relationship with myself and my confidence was absolutely snapped into millions of pieces. 

Ya know, back then, I didn’t have Kung fu in my life! No I had very self destructive tendencies! So I did not use my defeats as the proper life lessons that they could have been! Today, thankfully, I do have Kung fu! I have this immensely amazing art form! Where I don’t feel like a loser or a chump or a failure! In my eyes, I’m really good at Kung fu. And with time and training I will be awesome!  Kung fu is my crutch for dealing with the real world! I want to get angry, Kung fu teaches to breath! I want to not feel good about myself, Kung fu says look inside and smile at your flower! Kung fu gives that place to put my frustrations and physical pangs and deal with them properly by training my mind and body! I don’t take it to the streets, I take it too Da Mu Hsing and Loa Gar and the Dragon technique above all else!! I love that dragon technique so very much! It honestly gives me great joy doing it! So much joy I could fill a dump truck!! 

Just the thoughts of what this tech is built around! The purpose of this technique! The intentions of when the Dragon emerges! Oh somebody messed up! Oh gawd yes!!! The results! There’s no stepping backwards no, that is the dragon telling you all this land I just walked and stepped upon is for the dragon...he is merely back on his perch. Watching, learning!! The dragon steps, claims, steps claims in a forward motion but clearing all directions! You’re attack does not matter his intentions are pure and clean....he’s moving forwards; constantly learning; constantly growing stronger...regardless of what is thrown at him! You’re spot on Sifu Ryback! This does suit me very well indeed!! 

 Then, I take this injury! Oh good! Please another of life’s groin shot!! Haha!!  But, I still trudged forwards about the technique! I won’t loose the work I’ve set forth! I delved into dismantling and putting back together the singular movements of the technique! We got real personal this week! Slowed things wwwwaaaaayyyy down! It was kinda exhausting! All of my stances where heavy on the right side!! Be aware of that when things get back to normal!! 

If this year teaches me nothing else, It’s okay to not get top marks! Still seriously getting the best marks of my life! It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to take injuries and get confused and frustrated, it’s growth isn’t it? I pushed beyond arbitrary limits I placed on myself and pushed hard. Took a chance, if you may, I took an injury, but, now that limit is further away from my starting point. May not seem like it, but it is! I took some failed marks, now, after more studying, I think I understand those topics better than before. Studied harder on the things I didn’t get in the tests, so hopefully I don’t do those mistakes again in the mid term. 

It’s okay to make mistakes and to not be perfect. I mean if life wasn’t hard, we’d get out alive!!! Thank goodness for gratitude! And even more so, thank goodness for Kung fu! I’m very grateful for my instructors and teammates! I’ve been quiet this week, but there’s still Kung fu thats been done! 

I’m grateful for my struggles! 

I’m grateful for my success!

I’m grateful to have to work hard to get anything! 

More importantly I’m grateful to be me! 

Anyhow, that’s enough outta me.

Thanks for your time 

Mr.Duncan

Just a week

Well, that was a week and a half I’ll tell you that much. Decided to mess up my hip on Thursday night! Thankfully, I was only having one of the better weeks, in regards to accomplishing goals!! Haha. Ahh well I suppose. 

Hips feeling better today. Almost a full stride without any kinds of pains or weird sensations!! I’m going to go see the doctor, I’ve never really felt a pulled muscle like this! Maybe I tore something? Or who knows!?! 

So yeah, curve balls are flying hot and heavy this year, so far. And it’s all good! I’ve learnt a lot personally in the last while and I do look forward to continued success. Sometimes though, I wish I didn’t have to struggle as much as I do. I kinda wish I could find an easier softer way! Then I think, well it just wouldn’t be my life if there wasn’t a constant struggle. It’s okay, I’m good. 

I am a little frustrated with a few things and I really needed a bit of a break. There’s been so many distractions and just simple garbage going on, I’ve found ive lost my concentration and trying to tell myself to just not care! I am glad I caught that thought and working on its removal. Keep studying and moving forward. Things will get better. The majority of the major fires are out, hopefully, and I can finally move beyond this set back we have had as a family. Hopefully, people want to change, not just give the impression.....

What else? Like I was mentioning, boy I was having a great week! Lost mobility in my hips! Well shucks! It’s okay, there’s more than one way to learn. I was watching the class on Thursday and I couldn’t do much but sit in pain, so I started taking notes on what sifu was saying! Starting writing as much as I could down! More than one way to learn a lesson! 

I guess that’s it guys! I don’t have much going on lately! Been keeping quiet and just doing my thing, as much as I can I do suppose! 

In any event, I’ll see you guys around

Thank for your time

Mr.Duncan  

Phweew....

 Oh! Hey there! Y’all snuck up on me!! Shouldn’t do that! Hahaha. Well, that was a week and a half I’d say. Thank goodness it’s finally over and we can start on the next week. 

This is probably gonna be short and sweet. 

School took a bit of a beating because of a few family circumstances, but that’s okay. Adapt, grow, move on! This is a new week, and new chances to make opportunities! I studied and crushed some school, just couldn’t been as aggressive as I’d of liked! So many distractions right now! Anyhow, still moving forward! Gotta start reviewing everything again soon! My midterm is coming up after this mod! Better make sure I know my stuff! Still making progress!!! 

I put up some pretty decent numbers all things considered! I am happy with my progress. Room to grow and expand, but one step at a time!! 

Even with the outside distractions of the week, I’d say I still had a good week! It would be silly to say otherwise! Studied, wrote an exam! Worked on the weapons, kept the strikes and advances rolling! Oh that’s coming along nicely! I’m looking forward to physical contact again!! 

Hand forms and flow are becoming more of a thing! Now that’s exciting!! Starting to get that “muscle memory” kicking in and I’m not so much thinking about my forms as opposed to simply doing my forms! Oh it feels good! Worked so long on this, and when I think maybe I am getting it, I can work on it some more! 

This is the part of Kung fu that I really enjoy! Just when you think you’re doing great, and you are, you really are! And then you realize, shoot, this is great, but I can make this greater! The greater becomes great, as greater things are searched out again! Thus, creating this huge cycle of continual betterment! 

For that I’m very grateful!  

Anyhow, that’s about it for now I suppose. 

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Onwards!

 Hey there!! What’s going on today? I literally just figured how to change the font of my blogs....isn’t that something! Ahh, boy! 

Okay, so how was everyone’s week? Yeah!?! Good stuff! Mine? Oh it was very productive! In all sorts of ways! Like I took steps in every aspect of my life this week! Very productive. 

In the mass amount of free time I’ve found myself with, I picked up my acoustic guitar and tuned it up and starting playing again! I’ve had this thing just sitting in my garage for...well it’s always just sat there! I’ve been scared to learn this guitar, because I, like many, find passion in music! For whatever reason, wishing and not doing where so engrained in my old ways! Another form of the arts I excelled at! I took bass lessons when a child, but that’s it! The rest has been strumming and watching! Exciting!! 

Hand forms are getting stronger! Still staying focused on DMH and Loa Gar. I’d like to get things looked again this week. Good thing I’ve gotten one on ones booked. Confidence is growing in my movements again. 

Weapons forms! Well, it’s interesting. I’m looking at “solidifying” some movements and such! I think this week, I should focus on getting a few movements locked in and move on for now! I’m just having a blast swinging these little whooping sticks around!! 

School is great! I’m getting high marks still, well for me, low ninties, but, I’m hitting my time lines. I’ve been letting myself get distracted from my number one goal right now! I’m glad I caught on here before I really fell down that hill. Back to slowly going through the books. Gotta quit rushing myself and placing false expectations, or more so; worrying about what hasn’t happened yet...anyhow. 

I took a huge step in quitting smoking. I finished the book! Exclaimed proudly I no longer smoke! 22hrs later, I had a smoke and exclaimed wtf...it was mentioned to me to continue re-reading my book until things became solid! I have been taking action; and for a moment of weakness, I lit up again...I know tell me about it.

Anyhow, these times of not smoking are actually quite the freeing time! It was pretty eye opening. The book I’m reading has been very powerful in changing my thoughts and the way I perceive a smoke. What this addiction truly is, what is truly honestly happening! I got this!! Things are re-arranging and the ones I’ve had, I smoke very conscientious; I purposely pay full attention to everything my body says to me. There’s a lot of smokes lit and simply left to burn out! 

Any other ways, I feel good about everything! Outside of the death darts, life’s been real good, and I’m grateful for that! Training is “easy” for now, I’ve got time...man do I have free time. 

So I guess I’m off for now!! 

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Thumbs up!!

 Fresh week ahead of us! Rat is completely and utterly over with now!! All done! Uhh finally! Anyhow, I’m really pumped for the year of the ox! First and foremost; I was really grateful to have been apart of the new year celebrations, as virtual as it was! I really appreciate the hard work and piles of time everyone invested! Our schools new black belts!! You’re speeches where awesome to hear! Great work! All the black belt promotions, was really cool to see and hear about their level of commitment! As a student I don’t always see their commitment, because, I am always benefiting from your hard work! Last night really enforced that for me! Super seriously thanks! 

First week of ox! Not bad, not great, room for growth though! Colton passing really threw a stick of dynamite into things, but that’s cool! I needed to slow down and process what happened and my part of it and move on! Clean conscience, clean attitude! 

 Change, adapt, grow; change, adapt, grow; for ever more...

I stand firm on my resolutions that this year is for my cousins who will never see the recovery side of life. Yes, I do what I do for me, but subliminally it, for those who still can not find a way out, break those chains for the fam....come on homies, I’m right here! I should amend my comment on what kind of a martial artist do I want to be, as I was emotionally super charged last week. I’ll still do everything I can to help and pull you out of that hole, 10% of the way! Haha! I can’t do it for ya, but with ya! I’ll show you the first step! I’ll guide you up and help you get onto that first step, but you gotta step it!! Do not fret, I’ll be at that second step waiting for your decision! When you take the second step, I’ll be waiting at the third step for you. I won’t promise that, this is just what I do, I’ll be there! Step up! Let’s roll. 

Okay, moving on now. 

How was this week? Man it was good! It truly was! I made some serious steps in progress! Made a few connect the dots in class, and moved new realizations into my little training garage! 

My weightlifting goal is to lift and push around 114000kilograms in a year! Sounds like a big number, but, I think I’m going to hit that number faster than I figured! That’s a bridge we can cross at that point! Just one step in front of the other! Truly in one week, of not heavy trading heavy day brought me 13000kg. So, that’s that! The clean and press of 90kg it’s making progress. I do not want to hinder my actual Kung fu and hurt a shoulder or something silly, so it’s all about increments and getting that goal eventually! I’m sitting steady at 20reps at 30kg! And I will get there! It’d be great to hit that goal by summer, we shall see! 

The old three strikes in a second! Progress! So much so, that I’ve slowed everything down and have gone back to ensuring stances, alignment, clean techniques. I can hit my goal of three solid jabs in a second! I worked on “getting there and speed” long enough for now, I feel. The way I see it, my opponent may be moving back, away from me, so I must continue to work a plausible way to advance and attack, without throwing all caution to the wind! Still stay inside their space, Cool! Challenge accepted! 

Escrimas! How can’t you love these little whooping sticks!! Hahaha. Man I love them! Last few years I’ve “trained” with an assortment of weapons, I always come back to escrimas and straight up sticks! So basic, such a simple item, no hinges or such! Yet, so much to them. How they hum to you how they will tell a story! As every weapon will yeah they do, I’m just partial to escrimas and sticks! I have been injecting escrimas into stick form, work on some basics and it “feels good”! I’m liking it! There’s a couple of paces where I’m literally brick walled, but, I have one on ones booked! So yuppers! 

Well, if I was a betting man, I’d put the house on that’s it for now! 

Yuppers! That’s it....

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Motivation

 Hi there...do me a favour! Do you know the song One by Metallica? It has that beautiful acoustic guitar opening the song...you know the part of the song...okay I’ll give you a second to find it have a listen! It’s an amazing tune, but just the opening cords are what’s important. 

Just play that tune in your head while you read this. 

Last Sunday I got a phone call that a third cousin was found by way of overdose. Yeah isn’t that awesome! I wrote another blog earlier in the week about Colton passing! I love you cousin! It’s on my blog site if you so desire. 

So, now what? That’s three of the four boys in that family that’s gone and passed way too young...it’s heartbreaking, I can’t imagine the pain and frustration in my auntie and uncle! 

I don’t have many words about what happened! I’m pretty torn up, not knocked down. If anything this anger I’m feeling, has served as a fuel. I took a few days and mourned. His passing didn’t really hit until Wednesday after I finally opened up to someone! 

What did I do? 

I put on a show and did pushups and sit-ups! And I thought and I pondered. I questioned myself, my motives! I questioned almost everything I know about myself. See, I wanted to place blame and guilt on myself! Like I explained before, I was the wayward son! I was the lost cause at a young age! I’m the oldest child in my family by 8-12 years! My sister is closest to my age and she’s 8years younger than I! Colton was 12 years younger than I! So you can just imagine the example I set for these young kids! I was the cool cousin willy! The cousin who didn’t care about nothing! The guy who caused chaos in streets and did as he pleased! And from a young age I may add. The cousins idolized me, no matter how many times I would say, it’s not cool to do what I do, after many years of doing what I did, I finally tapped out! Colton’s oldest brother, and my legit only friend at the time Chad, hung himself, and everyone started to fall. 

Sure I showed that way of life. Sure I opened that door to addiction and alcoholism! Yes I did! Don’t lie for me! BUT, I also opened the door to recovery! I also opened the door way to a better way of life! Just like I didn’t hold a gun to their heads to abuse, I never held a gun to their heads about recovery! That’s different for everyone! That person needs to make that decision to change! That’s a fact! 

I was the lucky one! I got out alive! I am still here today, simply because, Chad’s suicide put life in perspective for me! If I wanted to die early, if I wanted to not watch my boys grow, if I wanted to throw this gift of life away, just keep drinking and using man!! 

I didn’t want any of the above! Not for one second! We were supposed to be having fun! We are supposed to be living like kings, but we dying like rats...

So, here we are! I started my sober journey on July 2, 2011!! 3 520 days of continuous sobriety. Not one drop has entered my body! Not a splash, not a sniff, nothing! My youngest boy has never seen me with a beer in hand, and it’s going to stay that way! Fight me about it, you’ll learn! You will have to kill me to get me to drink again! 

Quite honestly, if I had only one choice in life to make! Have one sip of one beer and never ever fail at Kung fu! Have every dream I have in Kung fu come to reality; or don’t drink and give up Kung fu; I’d give up Kung fu.... not one second thought....that’s how much my sobriety means to me! 

Not even a thought....that’s my commitment to me! The promise I made to me! The only promise I’ve ever kept! The only promise that means anything!! That’s why I don’t make promises to anyone anymore!

Today I find alcohol repulsive! The smell of it, it’s look, it’s strangle hold it has on society! What it does to people! I despise it! 

So, now what? What do I do going forward? I keep training! I fight harder! I show the example I want people to see! I continue to become the man, I was supposed to be! 

I train harder! I make every punch matter, not because that’s how we are supposed to train! Not because Sifu says so....I train for those who think they can not! I train for the weak and fallen, I fn train to lead by example! I train because I don’t want people to do what I did, but, do as I do today...not what I did yesterday! 

I am in no way a guru, nor a god amongst men, nor am I the most intelligent fella around! What I am is an honest straight shooting guy, who had let the devil run his soul, and took that soul back! I’m the guy who went to hell, put my arm around the devil, got a real nice picture of the two of us and then choked him out and strolled out the front gates! Laughing!!  I’m seriously that guy! I’ve seen the devil, I danced with the devil, gawd dammit I fought the devil, and I won! Every day I’m sober, I win!! I took a second chance at life!  

Still playing One by Metallica......Good!! 

Because he comes the heavy wailing guitar; here comes the heavy drums! Let’s get heavy....

I no longer consider myself as just a simple person, I am the example to step up too! I will hold myself to a standard much, much higher than what’s simply expected of us! Egotistical? Not a chance, quite the opposite friends! I will not fail...there are lost souls counting on us to light that dark path up! Don’t worry friends! I know a way! 

What am I going to do about it? I’m going to kill them all! Every single doubt, every single thought of I’m not good enough, every wonder about glorious ness on the road we call life! Every single demon that says no you can’t, is getting a swat! 

Only for today do I live for! Only for this moment! I live to show every single addict/alcoholic there’s a better way to life, just come with me and take my hand! We will get through it together! 

This morning I looked myself in the mirror and said to myself 

“Let me be what I’m meant to be”

         —Frank Castle aka The Punisher—

Let’s make one more thing clear, This isn’t about revenge, nor is it about punishment...it’s about living! This way of life; it’s a bloody war, casualties scattered everywhere! You don’t think so? You take a walk early morning in stony plain; you’ll see...

No, I’m not going all vigilante and going to whack people! I still want to watch my kids grow! I’ve just had enough, and well, I’m going to finish what I started, and the bs stops here...brutal self honesty from here on out! 

Why do I train? I know what hell looks like, I know what’s waiting out there! What kind of black belt do I want to be? I know how far you may fall without help! I know how dark the darkness can truly be! I will be that black belt! I’ll be the black belt that drags you out of that hole! I will be that black belt whom you can get honest with; and train like a demon with! 

Year of the Ox; how fitting isn’t it!?! 

This year is for me; but dedicated to my fallen family members....and all you struggling addicts that are lost out there!! This ones for you guys...

“If you’re gonna look at yourself, really look in the mirror, you gotta admit who you are. But not just to yourself, you gotta admit it to everybody else.”

  Frank Castle

I will see you soon...

Mr.Duncan