Just a student after all

You know something? I’ve been thinking! Whether these where the intended outcomes or not....

New life goals. I feel more motivated about myself, like I don’t feel like a failure to my family. It’s easier to train when deep down in my heart, there’s a purpose. Not the belt, not a rank or colour. But my intentions. Is this self driven suffering aiding or hindering me? To further myself professionally; but more importantly personal growth is my reasoning. 

I train because Kung fu aids in manageability in my life. When I don’t train, it’s unmanageable! It’s chaos. Kung fu, the “extreme violence” balanced with the “extreme calmness”  it teaches, brings me peace and calm. It gives me a world that I can safely travel to, to be me. I used to thrive in physical battle, alas, yesterday’s battles have finished. No one really won or lost, it’s maybe the outlook of the finish that needs adjustment! 

I’m proud to be me. I’m proud I abandoned my fears and shortcomings and plunged head first into a brand new industry. I’m proud to be completely starting over! I’m proud to struggle and fight to get high marks. I’m proud I do not completely understand the language. I’m proud to say I have a lot to learn, after all, I’m just a student in this world! 

I’m proud my questions in Kung fu are basic. And just as proud when questions come from higher levels of thinking. I’m proud I’m struggling with some of my kicks! I am proud to admit those forms I used to know, I no longer remember. I’m proud to have asked for help, and received answers. I am proud I have to struggle to maintain almost any semblance of a schedule. I am proud of my successes in my Kung fu! I’m just as proud when I do not see my gains, and some one points them out; because, after all, I am just a student!

I am proud not because of ego! Quite the contrary. I’m proud because, I recognize my faults, I admit my faults; I own my faults. I learn how to improve my faults. This way, I can work a plan, instead of planning to work, because after all is said and done...

....it is not failures, it is learning new things....

....after all, I am just a student in this life....

From what I hear Bruce Lee once said “ Don’t fear failure. Not failure but low aim is the true crime. In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail!” 

If “fail” is even the proper word there anymore! 

Okay! Talk to you soon

Mr.Duncan

Oh and Mr. Tuesday night is getting his act together still. Last week filled up quickly on me, this week I’m bringing mr.Thursday Night back to the forefront! He’s got a message for everyone, so he says! I don’t know? He doesn’t tell me anything! Just makes these demands of me and it real tough some days! So today I declare that, I Mr. Duncan can not be held responsible in any which way, for what ever this Mr.Thursday Night says or does! He’s broken in my zoom and messed with the settings! He is always telling me to like suplex people and stuff...I don’t think he’s okay, ya know....upstairs.... oh I can hear him calling now, better go! 

Oh

What is this!?!

....You better be careful out there! Do your push ups!  I’m virtually watching you...not literally! Not even figuratively! I’m virtually watching you....

Hi there

Hey there everybody! What a great day it is today! I woke up today, Sunday, feeling amazing! Why you ask? Well Connor McGregor taught the world about running your mouth and smarting off when you should be listenening! He is my favourite fighter to watch get his face re-arranged and his knees kicked in! That’s one fighter that has no clue on respect for his trade or his opponents!! 

Anyhow! Great day indeed! Kung fu wise, I think was decent! I myself, spent too much time on the heavy bag and beat my hands silly! I...well, I mean to say, it started as constructive heavy bag time, but, I really let my emotions get the best of me! 

See what happened is, I wrote an exam middle of last week! I didn’t hit the mark I wanted! I got really frustrated simply because of these stupid silly mistakes I make on these tests! It’s always the wording that gets me. My marks are still extremely high and I am in no way close to failing, but I have high expectations of myself and felt like I let myself down! I shot for the stars and crashed into the moon!! Still a heck of an achievement!! So, with my tenper, and a lack of wanting to calm down, I beat the ever lasting tar outta the heavy bag! (Insert Sheepish smile/shrug)

I did learn something. I reached out to sifu and talked to him. He’s left me with a text message that has some powerful messages in it! I have honestly spent the last few days, meditating on his words and trying to make sense of them in my world! There’s a lot packed into a small text message! Taking time sorting it out. 

I think deep down, my fault was not recognizing, I worked and studied really hard to get those marks and I didn’t give myself enough credit! The major thing I have to remember is, I am literally teaching myself a whole new industry. I can email my “teachers” and hopefully within 24hrs I’ll get some sort of an answer, usually just refers me to a clause and paragraph number, like, why did I even waste my time emailing this guy?? I was looking for clearification, on a cloudy subject, not the paragraph I just read six times bud! 

I am getting to know a lot of the terms and phrases, it’s how they use the language to their advantage that I need to pick up. So next week is going to be slow down and realize that I new here! There’s so much to learn. Yup I’m overwhelmed!! Haha. One day at a time!

 I am getting betterish at being nicer to myself, last week was a lesson on what can go wrong when I don’t. 

Soooooooooooooooo, I was working the spinning back kick last week, trying to eliminate the 1,2,3 steps of the kick, because that’s how I threw them! No more, like sifu told us in class, start pushing harder! We should be getting beyond those points in our training! Spot on sifu! Can do!! My floors....super slippery!! I need a helmet! Just kidding....kind of!! 

One thing I did accomplish on the heavy bag was working the three strikes in one second! I think, I’m there, now I need to focus in one the power! How? Continued reps and pushing limits! I focus on the stance, feet planted. Hips leading, shoulders relaxed, focus on my intentions...I intend on three proper strikes need under one second! Sure, make those punches count first, then the speed, then the power....and I play with the three! I’ll pour the power in and realize, boy my stances are crappy, focus on the technique, boy my power is weak, focus on the power, oh boy stances where terrible....so it’s that circle that sifu had made mention of. Small incremental progression, one small improvement at a time! Getting there!! Hahaha. Look out friends! I can’t wait to test this with people!  

Okay dokay, what’s next? Uh let’s see, talked about school! Talked about where I am in life today, kinda, and talked about Kung fu! Shoot friends, I think that’s it for now! I don’t know what else to ramble about!! 

Well....I guess that all folks

Thanks for you time

Mr.Duncan. 

P.S. I got the go ahead nod for Mr.Thursday Night to make an appearance at the virtual Kwoon....who knows what fun he has planned?!?!? 

A week

 Hey there everyone! Good week? Yeah mine was not bad!! 

School is a tough one this week, but, that’s all good. I wrote only one exam last week and took a 92 on it. I honestly scored higher than I thought I was going to!! Haha. Lawyer talk and terms and policies and procedures and “shall nots” and “must vs suggested”. This English language wow, really have to pay attention to the words and context! I did want to change my vocabulary soooo....

Let’s see! Made some good strides in Kung fu, I feel! Getting the snaps and the hips and shoulders unifying! Stances are getting stronger and stronger! Feel good about what’s happening! I’ve spent a fair bit of time with Iron Cross technique this week. Finding the strengths and weaknesses! Tearing the technique apart, slowing down, watching for the snap, watching to see what my hips and center do! Moving blocking striking, in one really cool technique! How we say, simultaneous attacks! Man that’s cool! When sifu made mention and explained the simultaneous attacks, holy bells and whistles going off! Sifu made mention of sticky hands! And hair blown back! Of course!! That makes so much more sense now! Sticky icky hands!! Completely slipped the memory back! 

Anyhow, school has had this awesome effect on my brain where it’s working at a high level of work! Efficient? Ahhh, hard to say! It’s been 20years since I’ve pushed to actually learn something outside of bad habits! Hahaha. Great times. I’m finding that memory recall and just simply holding onto ideas and facts are so much easier and quicker! Dang these piles of muscle mass in our skulls is awesome! So powerful! Such a fantastic tool. 

I almost feel silky for not pushing myself like this before, almost....not quite! I had to finish that path I was on before I could step here! I’m actually really proud of myself friends! 

This new found brain power has had so many positive effects in my life, even in just two weeks! I speak in more than one syllable words mostly now! I try very hard to use descriptive words as opposed to cusses when explaining things...how would a customer/client like to hear these words? They wouldn’t! So, I need to remove that from common speech! It can be done, just takes practice!! And honestly, it ain’t no thang! Did I say that right you fly cats? 

On thurdsady night during class, I managed to mangle one of my toes! I’m positive it happened during kicks in class! I have a massive split in my concrete slab in my garage, and I covered it with rubber mats, and I found the split in the concrete under the mats and things went squish crunch crack! Oh, well that’s no good! Friday morning doing stances and forms...hahaha  looking like the hunchback of notre dame! Hahaha! So I did tape it up and soldiered on, until my wife saw me.....so then I spent the later part of the afternoon getting scolded and sitting with my foot up and iced!! It was so purple and red and swollen to the point I couldn’t put a piece of paper between the toes! Ha! Got in trouble from the boss lady for doing that!! I pushed a few reps Saturday, until she got wind of what I was doing....so I went for a drive!! Foots fine, it just sucks to walk on it! Kicks off the left foot suck, but I’ll soldier on! Monday is a whole new challenge! 

Good friends are hard to find, can be harder to hold onto at times! I mean, I got a solid friend who is always there for me! Always any time I call text or don’t do either, he’s on me!! I’m a lucky guy! I don’t have many friends I confide in, but those whom I do, have gone outta their way to show they aren’t out to “get me”. Earned that fragile trust I have in people! I’ve had friends who only use you for the cash or to buy the rounds, not this guy! Total opposite! He kinda gets not mad or upset, but he’d rather give to you than receive! I strive to be like that! His generosity always takes me by surprise! Never fails! Not only does he hold his word, he steps above and beyond a typical friendship and it means the world to me! 

Anyhow, thanks friend, for the coffees and laughs! 

Well, with that being said folks, I should carry on now! It’s gonna be a busy day getting set up for next week, so....here we go

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

A busy week.

 Sunday Sunday!! Hey yo! How was your week? Mine was pretty solid! I’m looking forward to crushing next week here as well! 

So, as I’ve mentioned my first class I’ve nailed it down with a 96% average! Yeah, no big deal....a lot of work and studying. Funny story, on Wednesday I wrote two exams. I didn’t want to but I figured well, it 2 in the afternoon, I can rush through this test! Start on a fresh chapter in the morning...well the test I rushed I only got 90 on it. That’s much lower than my goals for the school session and I was mad at myself! That’s what I got for rushing! No more powering through, that was nothing but silly mistakes and misreading the questions...I went back and redid the exam for fun, and I got all but one question wrong wrong the next morning....ugh...lesson learnt. 

All well, I still have hit my goal of 95 in that class! Just slow down and do the next mod properly. And this next mod is all about the technical terms and phrases and legislation...oh good lawyer talk. I can hardly understand English....well, that’s cool. The only drawback here is learning new language and words. Learning learning learning.

 Actually I don’t see the drawback....like at all. 

Kung fu this has been really good! Daily reps of Da Mu Hsing, and working what we are learning in class! It’s all tied together nicely! Haha! 

 So, I’ve watched the videos twice so far, I’ve got my questions and notes and thoughts written down. I’m ready for Monday question time! Okay! Seriously that wasn’t that hard! An honest hour of serious commitment and that was it...gawd man, do better. Okay and just a note, a comment on q&a on Monday! It’s just one small detail, guys, team....wrestling is on during q&a! Guys, I’m just saying yo, that Monday night raw is on! So here’s the real question, how important is wrestling compared to my Kung fu? Well, ones entertainment and the other gives me life.....so I’ll see ya Monday night at 6! 

I’ll touch on a few goals for the next OX year. So like I’ve mentioned a lot I’m looking to learn to be nicer to myself. I’ve started reading the power of nice a few nights ago! I’d like to read a new book every 8weeks! I should be able to hit that no problem. It’s kinda funny though, now I have this incurable impulse to re-read through my graphic novels (comic books!!) So that’s kinda amusing! 

Finally I’d like to go finish up here. Out in my town, it’s not uncommon to see dogs and cats running a muck, and mostly it’s no problem. But there’s these two dogs. Ones a 80-90lb husky look a like and the other is a fricken monster of a pitty... so I’m in my front yard having a coffee break chilling looking beyond the immediate buildings. I’m all in my world about doing well in school! Tucker, my dog, he comes out in the front all day long. He will not leave the yard without my explicit permission! I don’t normally leash him in the front, because he stays within a few feet of me...always. He knows “stay with me” very well. Tucker let’s put a warning growl, small bark! I’ve trained him to not sit and bark like a dumb dog, only if he doesn’t like something...I turn and look over my shoulder and here’s these two monster b-lining for me and my dog!! “Tucker in the yard!” I yell, he’s in the fence and I lock the gate so he can’t get hurt, I spin back around and face these dogs. Both are slowing down but still, man I snap into protect mode and take a few large strides between them and my house, and I announced myself! “Go on and get, #*\><&@“$ers” both stopped and looked teeth showing and I see them thinking. I can’t turn my back at this point so I lock in...Here we go I knew it going down!! I stood my ground made myself bigger then them gave them my best dads loosing his mind eyes and stepped up! “Well... come and get some than!!” Immediately the husky dipped its head ate some snow and turned around and left! The pitty....he kept thinking bearing his teeth....I stayed ready man....big dogs are deceivingly fast...after a few tense seconds of standoff he eased up! He sensed I wasn’t moving back! He sensed the play and thankfully he followed his husky friend...

Yowie wowie eh!! Who knew Online schooling could be so dangerous!! 

The whole situation really made came to light for me after class and sifu Brinker was pounding in the snap in our stances. The mental mindframe, our intentions. The whole de-escalation with just my noticeable intentions! My dog friend knew I intended on defending myself. The wife spoke to me after how she was figured I was about to get into a dog fight on the front lawn, I was ready! Didn’t overly know it, to be honest, I just fell into what was natural, I guess! She says I was in a bit of a fighting stance, Guards up and locked in! Bam things went down so quickly I really did not have time to get into houses and yards, nor would I have, I don’t think. It’s kinda against my nature. I made sure my dog wasn’t gonna get ripped and boom there theses mutts where, forget that, not even letting them the have an idea they can run a muck here. This is my yard, so go on and get!! Not now nor in the future! I have children that play out front so do my neighbours... I did speak with the proper authories afterwards. These two are notoriously doing this, so, I guess he’s on it!

Anyhow, I think that’s pretty much everything for now! 

Thanks for your time!

Mr.Duncan

German Suplex’s for Everyone!

Well hey there, what brings you by today? Conversation? Well, I’ll talk and you follow along and let’s see if we can make sense of this beaut we call life!

Okay dokay. Monday I start school officially. I have been a bookworm and started reading and doing assignments and such. I’m really excited friends. I can not wait to get through school. I’m just as excited for this journey as I am the end goal. I can’t wait to work for me! I gotta focus though, one step at a time. Step one school. Crushing it! Gonna destroy school. Get outta my way! Like a full on release German suplex!....what did you just say? You don’t know what a released German suplex is....good gracious...hold on! I’ll be right back.... https://www.google.ca/search?sxsrf=ALeKk00igFAEsTDw1OLjXz08OdetF6ZzWA:1609616411577&source=univ&tbm=isch&q=brock+lesnar+german+suplex+gif&hl=en-ca&client=safari&fir=FqG4w6ZalD2dBM%252CIx4lIE33fis04M%252C_%253BxsEJbrqYY4cXsM%252C83Vla_X7yympzM%252C_%253B4vNJpWQPvs5wlM%252CYt2VD7uPx6KK_M%252C_%253Bs28ekM6CG5p55M%252CQcpaKS7FgRK1NM%252C_%253BVzfq8pRAn3a38M%252C-Ds5X1pMC9SR_M%252C_%253BjXrDanHGMowMWM%252C-utININGeBJIiM%252C_%253Bd77cwbICNyYvWM%252CJW5XtXV2PYQ7KM%252C_%253B2lUbKl5HruMw2M%252CCcBYgf7EBZmrHM%252C_%257Cbrocklesnar%2520germansuplex%253Bgermansuplex%2520danielbryan%253Broman%2520reigns%253Bsuplex%2520city%253Bwwe%253Bwrestling&usg=AI4_-kSGXz255XzgHAghFfatWm0_8soz0Q&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi41L6zgP7tAhWGrZ4KHYpMBVEQ7Al6BAgBEB4&biw=375&bih=628#imgrc=xsEJbrqYY4cXsM

.....🙄🙄....ummmm....sure if that’s the link....🤷‍♂️

That’s Brock Lllllleeeeeeeeessssssssssnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr! The beast incarnate! Welcome to Suplex City!! Actually, metaphorically speaking I’m Brock lesnar and that’s the world I’m dropping on its head!! Hahahahahahaha! And I do strut like that! Sorry, not sorry, I’m in a mood that no one can wreck today! 

And I’ve got a solid daily plan, I think on paper! I have a one on one booked with the boss man here on Monday morning and I’m actually really excited to share my plan with someone. 

Kung fu wise, I have a few things to report, I have gotten some confidence back and, I’m finding purpose in Kung fu again! I’ll tell you a quick story! New Year’s Day, I’m like, man, gotta move on! As some of know, I’ve held onto past experiences and habits and for whatever reason, didn’t want to let go. I had a real honest conversation with my higher power! I’m like dude, I need help! Not sure of what direction nor and I certain that this is a good thing, going back to school and such...yes doubts filled my mind. It was....odd how things came together...so I lite a campfire and sat and stared into the flames! Give me a sign big guy, let me know, I’m not wasting my time! I’m staring into the flames, “Will, the past is gone, let go completely!” So, for whatever reason, I had this impulse to go through my old records, notes and personal books I have! 

I had kept the majority of my paperwork when I first got into AA and had to do some real serious soul searching and I wrote down my errors of the past! Expanded on all ideas and owned everything! It’s more throughout than that, but, that’s as far as we need to go for our intentions here today! And, I’m holding all these papers and notes about who I used to be, what I used to do to folks! I took out each piece of paper gave it a quiet read and thanked the big guy upstairs for helping me change! I went on to fold up my notes nicely and I placed it all in the fire! Watched the past burn into nothing! What?!? Tones of hours poured into those notes of reflection! Why? To release. To let go. To let the good lord take these old thoughts and habits and help me release them out of my being...that’s exactly what I did! That’s exactly what I needed! 

It sounds half insane, but I honestly feel much lighter mentally! It’s a burden that’s no more in my mind or soul! I’ve written it down, I changed my ways, I owned every single second of my ill behaviour, and I have now completely released anything from my past! It feels great! I wish I had more words to describe how I feel other than lighter in the soul. It feels like I have simply made room for the next step. I feel great! 

Another real cool thing that happened new years day, is I’m listening to some tunes, not intently, more for background noise. And this song comes on “Change Me” by Twiztid. There new music is much much different than even two albums ago! It’s wild to see how they have evolved over the last 20 years....back to the song...I’m going to put a few lines of it here! Honestly y’all gotta listen to change me and never be nothing in uniform!! It’s, man, they stole the words right outta my heart...

“ Dear self

It's me in the mirror, I wanna help
And every time that you're in front of me
I worry about your health
You ain't getting any younger
I see the lines under your eyes
And how you fluctuate with weight
And how to layer up in disguise
I see you fix yourself up for the public
And try to find your place
I see the other sides emotional
Behind a painted face
I see a kind of faded trace
Of a kid who wanted to make it

And animosity for everyone

In line who tried to take it
See thе hunger and the pain
In the lost blank starе
But you never focus solely
On the ones that really care
Say that you don't make sense
But you make bucks
You been about it since the first
And you still don't give a fire-truck
I be seeing when you brush yo teeth
Rapping in the mirror
Hoping that I repeat
I can make a change
If only in me
I can strive to be the person
That I really wanna be

I can make a change
If only in me
I can strive to be the person
That I really wanna be
No excuses gonna hold me back again
See you were for me now
See you were there for me then
We can do it if we focus on change
Let it flow like the blood in the veins
We can do it
If we keep it on track
Only get one life
Time to take it all back...”

    Make a change and go for it! You all are my “we”! This year is going to be a good year! Are you as excited as I am? Hard to say I suppose. Well, I’m not sure what else to write about, so I’m going to go. And do that thing! Over there! Have a great day doing your thing folks!! 

Thanks for your time 

Mr.Duncan 

Whoa-ah hey there!

 Well howdy there partners!! I must apologize. I missed my blog last week! That’s two this year I’ve missed...anyhow how was everyone’s holidays? I really hope, no matter what you may celebrate, that you’re time with family was great, if you were able to visit family....Christmas 2020...what a show that was eh!?! 

Any which way, we had a good hollidays. My youngest son has a bday on the 27 of December. He was pretty down about it, because, well, no one was allowed to come. So I talked to my grandparents on the farm. Asked hey, can we come and play in the forests and such on the farm for his bday? Grandma to the rescue! Oh of course honey, just keep away from Gramps! No sweat. We spent the day searching the old homestead on the land, I guess because it’s delapetaded it haunted!! Hahaha. Kids are awesome!! He brought out his little daisy BB gun and was blasting at his targets! He’s not the avid shooter like myself, but his fascination with weapons is very....enthralling I suppose. We fired up the old fire pit and burnt some hotdogs and drank some root beers and Wyatt got to drive the side by side all by himself!! You should have seen his smile! He was so proud of himself. He’s trying to tell Gramps about him driving the unit, but grandpa is deaf and Wyatt speaks quietly, and we had our masks on, and the very distant social visit through the front screen door....grandma had to act as translator for them both!! Hahaha. Three languages she can speak. Old mumbling man, young kid fast talk and English!! Hahahaha. Impressive!! 

Any how onto the next step. The next huge transition. School. I start my classes Jan 4!! I’m super excited. So pumped. No more being covered in mud head to toe with the faint smell of nicotine and caffeine on my breath. Okay, let’s go! 

I have had lots of time to contemplate and figure my life out. My health is still lacking and worsening my throat death dart. My cousins are being ravaged my addictions. My mind kills when I think about not being able to change. So I feel my lesson outta what happened in my family is I have to take that next step first...not in competition. Not to say anyone is better than the others; just simply quite quietly being the one to take that step. It’s been pointed out that a lack of myself in and around the family is noticed and missed. When I sobered up, I honestly cut ALL forms of poison outta my life. As in I do not want you around me or my family if this is how you’re going to act! And I’ve stood firm on that. Some say I’ve missed out on family life and tried to place blame, I disagree I do what I need to do to keep me and my family alive! I do what I need to do to survive man. But overall, I don’t. I still smoke! I still carry old habits and obviously the believes that abusing myself is okay. It’s a financial and health burden that’s gonna hit. And like the dr says...sooner than I expect. 

This has been a crappy enough year and as much as next years gonna hurt, I will still come out on top. There’s a lot changing in me these next few weeks, big changes in the next few days. 

I have to get my goals finished. Life keeps throwing crap at me that stops me from getting my stuff done....or does it? Is it an excuse? Probably nothing  it is. 

So, I said to myself, man, if you want to do this inspector gig and you’re already pulling the plug on one life and pouring from a new life tap, then just finish the changes! I have bought my last pack of smokes yesterday. I simply can not buy anymore. It’s not fair to put my addiction on my wife to carry and pay for...holy adult thoughts...that’s not right. In order for me to succeed to have to quit for me, not them...addiction is simply up to the person! It messes with and affects all, but only the individual can make those changes! 

Besides these facts friends, it’s a whole new world I’m walking into. Why can’t I bring a whole new me to the frame? I have to learn new ways on how to communicate, I’m okay when I want to be, but, that’s not good enough anymore.

What I’m trying to say is me, as I stand here right now, is a beaut of a person, but I can be better. Show by example I say, so I will lead by example. I’m committed to working at my kitchen table until I get this done. By golly miss molly that’s what I’m going to get! 

I have a fairly good regime set up. Morning routines and academic routines and mr. mom built into my daily schedule. I haven’t forgotten about Kung fu, nor will I. It’s built into the mornings and afternoon breaks. I do plan on actually being apart of the school. Sure I’ll be in school, building my mind, failure to think of my physical well being will cause me to fall back into old habits, and my cousin just proved what happens with falling into old habits...it’s a lesson coldly served; ignore it and die or learn and grow. That’s it. That’s the lesson. Now, pick one and don’t look back. Could have just told me that Chase...I miss you cuz! 

So with that I’m going to go for now and get smartened up and learn stuff! 

Thanks for you’re time and I look forward to seeing everyone in class very soon!

Stay smart out there people. 

Mr.Duncan

Speechless, but so much to say

 Well, shucks....2020 just keeps on getting better. My young cousin, I just found out has passed away....His little girl is two Years old. She will never know her daddy. She will never get the lullabies, nor the warm baby hugs she will so very much desire. His wife, now a widow before 30. They won’t get to go on that vacation they always wanted to go on...their business, their dreams...it’s over...

I am left wondering why? For what reason did you do this cousin? So many questions...why man why? You’re kid dude? Did you not think of her? Or how maybe this family needed you? We were going to do great things this next year...we had plans....we were rebuilding our broken family....I guess in your memory cus...

All for what? A 22min high? After such time your chasing the dragon man! I’ve warned you! I’ve told you this will take your life  I’ve said my piece and our worst fears came true....

You were unable to kick the suicide of your oldest brother, I’m sorry you could not see through the darkness  I’m so god damn sorry, your light at the end of the tunnel was blurred by confusion and hatred. I’m sorry you stayed in the darkness until it consumed you so...I tried to lead a life worth following! I tried so hard to show a better way of life that didn’t involve destroying yourself. The examples we lead are meant for learning tools for our younger generations. Doesn’t matter anymore. No matter what Chase, no matter what, I’ve always loved you cousin. I loved you when I didn’t recognize you when you were found in the streets puking heroin up! I loved you when you couldn’t contain or control those demons and you disappeared on us...I loved you when you where broken desperate and just wanted a hug man! 

This breaks my heart...man alive Chase....

Mental health has taken another beautiful person.....it’s so hard when you’re so depressed that everything wants to get you and take you down...I get it cousin...I get it... I wish I didn’t understand, it’d be easier to stay ignorant, but, I know exactly where you where and I know exactly how terrible it is to come out of that hole, I was very very very lucky, I got out alive. I’m sorry you weren’t able to get out man.............I’m so sorry.....

I have no more words! I don’t know what else to say....I love you Chase! I miss you immensely cuz! Until that glorious day where we can meet again. I truly hope your suffering has ended, we will deal with the pain and suffering here. Take care knowing we will rebuild in your memory and continue to try our best! 

Bye for now cuzzzzz! 

Love you, 

Your cousin, you’re friend, you’re brother in arms, your supporter, you’re reality check, whatever hat I needed to wear with you, I wore it! Until we meet again.....

I will say this, and try not to take this the wrong way, I’m emotional and very very pissed off!! BUT, I swear to all that’s holy, if I catch just one person on this team falling down into hard drugs and you won’t ask for help, I’m going to rock you’re world. That’s not a threat either folks...that’s a Willy Duncan guarantee!  If you need help please for the love of god,  start asking for help! Please!! I’ve buried enough friends and family due to drugs and alcoholism...please just reach out to anyone...anyone...please...if you won’t do it for yourself, than look at your kids eyes and do it for them! If you don’t have kids, think of how your parents would enjoy burning a child!

P.S. Mr.pusher man! I know whom you are! I know where you live. I know when and where you peddle! You best hope, I do not catch up with you, my friend! We have already had the conversation. I’m beyond talking.......