Rambelling of thoughts

 well, it is sunday, so, hey why not. Still chilling in Salmon Arm. I am still having a good time. I will be honest, really missing the family this go around. Yeah, I really am, but, almost there. I will be home in 10 days or so. So, that will be nice. 

I was spoiled there in the beginning of the month and Wyatt traveled down with me and Alex and my wife, and the dog all travelled the next day. It was a lot of fun. They got to do a bunch of sightseeing and going and doing the tourist thing. I had to work, so that was alright. I did not take any time off, as I really do not want to right now. I have a goal that i am trying to hit and it requires time and lots of commitment on my behalf. I am okay with that. It is part of the process. 

I am close to getting some land. I would love to just put cash down, but anywhere in Alberta, especially where my wife has a desire to stay, is expensive, for whatever reason. I seriously just want enough land i can shoot my guns and be left alone about it. Do my hunting, just do what i enjoy doing. I friggen hate living in town, it seriously drives me batty. People and their people shit. Like i pipeline, i wish my home base was tucked away's away. I really do. Doesn't matter where I live, as long as I am where I want to be.

Any who, it is an ongoing and unrelenting bullshit battle, so, i digress and just whatever the situation. Ya'll wonder why i work away. But it is good. I do enjoy our little home and our little spot. It's cute.

Besides that, boy I'm not too sure. Seriously, things are solid. I am enjoying life and what it has to offer. Home is a wonderful little place. I am grateful for it and what we have made of it. We have a wonderful little garden. Usually we get through the majority of the winter worth canning and vegetables. This yeah, boy it has been kind of rough. Kind of a rough growing season i guess. I am not sure i havent been home since early June. Rv life!!

It is great! I love this rv. Always something i was half intimidated about. BUt, in all honesty, it has been really easy to learn and catch on with. Before, i took it from the shop, they went over the thing with me. Showed me this plug and that switch, so on. So, yeah. Great experince. I am slowly changing things around and dreaming up this and that. 

Any which way; I guess that is all folks. 

Thanks for your time

Talk to you soon.

Mr.Duncan

Finally

 well well well, what is ging on people?!? Today is a good day. it has been a great few days. Like really good. My beautiful daughter has reached out to me again. She is an adult now, so, i really hope things are different. She is able to decide for herself. 

I gave her my side of the street. And mixed emotions. Thats about all i can expect. I havre never been there for her, and she just wants her dad around. I simply want my daughter by my side. Thats it man. That is all i have ever wanted from her. 

I do not know what to really say anymore. I have explained myself so many times to so many people. Only once have i been ablee to have a honest conversation with my kid. She wanted to know, why i hated her, and nevere wanted her around. Oh man, so far from true, but she doesnt know any better. All she has ever known is hatred and anger towards me. And kind of rightfuly so. i have owned up to my part. I have squared up with my higher power. I have asked for my higher powers forgiveness. I looked myself in the mirrorr and had that chat. you know the one. The one that you have with yourself about when that person comes back into your life. What your gonna say, how you are going to say it. All is good. Final step is to ask for forgiveness from the only one that can offer it to me, and that is my daughter.

i am trying, but, i can not explain or express this over and over and over. Eventually, if we want to have a life together, we have to take that leap and jump in together. That is my kid and i shit the bed in her childhood....I can at least try my damnest now that she is an adult. 

I am so unsure of what to do to be honest. I missed everything, and yeah, that eats a guy up. Man, its tough to accept. Honestly, i have accepted it. Did that a long time ago to be honest. I simply had to move on. Fucking dying inside, loosing my mind, driving me absolutely insane. I barely know her, but, none the less, i love her immensely. 

Maybe that is why i try so hard with my boys. I do not know. I do not want to loose them, like what happened with my daughter. My family is a real big reason as to why i sobered up. I did do it for me, first and foremost, but they get the rewards, as much as I. 

It is another reason why i hesitate when getting to know people. Always scared everything I confide will get turned into a weapon against me. To be honest, that is why I have never shared my full and complete story with anyone. I have always only done sections of my life with different people. If you were to talk to around 15 people, you might have the whole story.  Never have i shared my whole story with any one person or group. Yes, even my wife, i have always held back. I mean, i have started to share more and more with her, but, always reserved. 

I am a firm believer that this step, is the next step we need to take to move on. Always i have known that this most likely will suck at first. For a few months, but, I have always felt, that we will heal and move on together. Well, I would like to hope anyhow. 

Hope, the light at the end of the tunnel, impossible to achieve until death. That word is the demise of momentum. 

Any which way

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Opportunity

 Well, and then this happened. So, my straw boss, my number on site. We had a very constructive conversation a few weeks ago, and he has been pretty darn good ever since. Minor, minor issues, nothing but learning curve kinda stuff. So all is good and dandy. Yesterday happens and he does not show up to work. Well, thats not my new guy, this isnt like him. Sure, he has a reputation at work and most of it is good, but like all of us, he has demons to work on. and they are starting to catch up. They are starting to control him.... sounds like a simular situation i have been in oh, around eleven years ago. i have felt the way he looked. I know how his mind was probably racing while I was trying to carefuly explain the situation and repercussions of his prior actions. 

Talking drugs and alcohol addictions is truly a scary thing to a lot of people. I am one of them. ONly through swallowing pride and trying to squash the damn ego outta the way..... I see a lot of people get shifty when that comes up... Hitting nerves. It seems like people with these ailgments always seem to find me on site. That's cool. I really don't mind. Every one needs someone and i can relate to the boys out in the field. Yeah, eating dirt sandwiches and dust in our water. to guys like us, our crews are our families. I spend far far more time with the crew than i do the family. Like 3 months to a week kinda ratio. That's life. Take into account that we are proud to be out here. We take great pride in what we do, and get alot of heat for doing what we do. That's life. i guess, what i am saying is that it takes a breed to do this, and with that breed of people, comes a lot of ego and pride. Well, with that comes a hesitation to ask for help. It actually a real bad problem for us. Slowly, one person at a time, i help break that cycle. Anyway i can. 

Today was a tough conversation to have. It sucks walking up to a fella and knowing i am going to literally fuck his day up. Not maliciously either. Hard no. To truly put out the hand of help and say hey man, please, now is the time to say if you need help or not. Please tell me now if you need help or not my man. Thankfully he took a moment. Took a deep breath and said yes man, i need help. Perfect, now, we can start the conversation we really need to have. And we can have this conversation with the right people. And so we did. Steps and progress has been made. 

I know just simply how dark and desperate of a place his mind may be in. Man, i have seen that muther fukers eyes. Ohh i have felt him squeezing on me. Some times i still feel that devil trying me. Ha. Nice try buds, but ill tell ya one thing for free, today is not your day to fuck with me. No, probably not even tommorrow either. Schedules booked up. Ha. But, if you dont have thiose tools yet, you dont and wont know how to spin circles around that devil. Yeah it is a process. Straight up sucks some days. It is worth it though. Every single second of it. 

I really and tryly hope nothing but the best for this man. I know he has the desire in him. I saw it in his eyes. I heard it in his voice. It is all good though. You are in a good place now. So, i didi tell him and the people involved that i want him back on my crew as my straw! I want you to come back strong and sober man. You have a job with me. That i want to make very clear with everyone. I have your back here. The whole way.

So yeah, that did happen, happy it did. It kinda was a solid reminder to myself about, I guess how I don't want my life to end up. Been there, done that, no thanks at all. I am good. Ha. One day, this man I write about tonight, maybe in the future he will have the opportunity to spread his hope, his help, and his joy to someone else; just like i have been graced with. 

It is an opportunity. Because, the man upstairs did make this happen. The creator, thought up this plan and its being executed the way it is supposed to go. What do we say, when a lesson presents itself, pay attention. I now understand why this man was put on my crew. It all makes sense now. 

Welllllllllp, 

i suppose that's it for now. 

Talk to ya soon

Mr.D

Ahhh work, isn't it dandy

 Hello there. Its me, Mr.D. yeah back for another instalment of whats going on today!?!?!

Well, let me tell you what. It has definatly been a few days. I mean, where does a guy start? All sorts of issues kind of hitting us all at once. Like seriously. What the heck. Too many people looking at the mountains and not enough people looking at their jobs? I don't have the answers. I have only a speculatin or two, and that's one of them.

Yeah, i had a guy on my crew. No, he is still a kid and he needs to find his own path. I have had this young man under my wing for five almost six months in total. I have worked near him a total of ten months. Solid hand! Great worker, indeed. But an attitude that just like, holy cow, boom outta no where absolute refusal to do the task i gave him. and no, its not the best job, it sucks. It was flagging on a road. No, not the coolest job, but, i had my reasoning. One, When asked to put my crew together, I had in mind a go-to truck. The boys that can do it all for me. Dig, flag, move equipment, help set-up sites, so on and so forth. ANd ya know, it was pretty solid, until, he had to flag for me. 

Now, because, this young lad was such an awesome worker and just solid to have around, yeah, here, go flag dude. have a free afternoon of just standing and chilling about. I know standing there sucks, but, it will be on quiet roads only, and ill try to find you shade. From both guys, yeah no problem. It will be great Will, we have your back, blah blah blah...

So he pulls a refusal to do dangerous work! Now, that is actually really serious. I go to start the conversation about how we can mitigate and understand what is going on with the dangerous work. 

The roads busy and he doesn't want to dodge the cars speeding by.. We are on a quiet residential road. 3 hours, six cars. All driving slow, because ya know, no one actually wants to hit anyone..

There is not enough communication between the signal persons...we gave them working radios that i made sure work. We are within speaking distance to the work actually being done. There is no lack of communication

He did not have the proper gear, because he refused to go get the proper gear from the tool crib him, as i asked and not tell me about it until I asked him where it is when it was time to go and get to work. he was mad I sent him back to the tool crib to get the gear. 

His final argument is he didnt have his paper copy of his flagging ticket on him, so he legally could not flag. He told me this after i made up my mind to drive him into the yard and give him to safety to deal with. did not have it because he threw it out the window of his vehicle. 

Blehh... not even excuses man. After, we give him truck privildges, after raises, after praise, he thinks he can pull a stunt like this after ten months of pipelining? You do not pull that stunt after ten years experince, unless, it actually is dangerous. Then, all the power to ya. Not for this one. This is lazy. And unfortuanatly, everyone in the offices know this. All the bosses, the other spreads and bosses over on the other few projects... it is too bad, he had second chance after second chance. I literally got into an argument with the boss over even hiring this kid. Yes, bossman, you where right. 

Learning curve I suppose. So much so, I kinda sat a really contemplated if this is on me. I needed to know. One way or the other. And i honestly know, that i am "clean" in this situation. This is all on that young fella. It is too bad. maybe he can get another shot at another company, but, we are a very tightnit group. There is only so many of us in all of western canada. And we all know each other. 

I know people on three major projects, and i dont know how many smaller projects. I personally have been around for the better part of six years. My boss has fourty-two years in the buisnesss. He knows everyone. Ha. I almost feel bad for the young lad, but, you dont get to pull stunt after stunt and disrespect every single person you want just to get out of flagging. That is not how its gonna work. Ever. 

I mean, besides that, the job is going well. I feel anyhow. I am trying to slow down and follow the steps. Really concentrate about just making sure I have my paperwork my ducks and, especially my path forwards.  One foot in front of the other. so to speak. 

Anyhow, talk at ya later

Mr.Duncan

July 2, 2011

Well then. 11 years of continuous sobriety. Man that feels great. I have definitely had some ups and downs. I was thinking about things and, ya know the last time i camped for work, it was the summer i quit drinking. Ha. I am camping here for work. I have always been nervous about doing that again; and have stuck to apartments and hotels. so much nicer this time around. This time, its not psychotic. I am not so nervous about everything. i am pretty chill. Pretty calm. For the most part.

I am pretty open and honest about who i am and where i came from. So when asked bluntly to go a party, i respond with the same, no thanks, thats not something i enjoy anymore. Or, i would prefer not too, but thank you for the offer. Some people ask why, so i give them, i do not drink, and i do not go to things, places like such. But, thank you for the offer. 

Drinking, more the effort to not drink, is not the same. It's something that i have practiced for so long, that its not even in my body or mind anymore. It no longer consumes me or my life as it once did. FOr example, when i very first decided to sober up, I went to a meeting a day for the first month or two, then down to three a week. Then eventually after four years i went down to two a week. then one a week. Now, its been a while since i've been to a meeting. It is not something i feel bad or remorsful about, no, not at all. I have simply moved on. I still hear those old voices and their advice whispered, sometimes yelled at me. Ha. Loved it.

Do not get me wrong, i owe my new life and my new everything to alcoholics anonymous. Yeah, even my path to Kung Fu, did not seriously start after my new A.A. journey. ah wow. For what an exciting time it was, I sure am glad that chapter is over. Well, that would be living in the past, no need for that. No, onto new things to concur and destroy.

It is very obvious a new chapter again started yet again. And here, again, pretty darn close to my A.A. bday. You know I spoke about taking a full time foreman seat, and that is the chapter. Being the boss i always wanted to have and showing the rest of them bosses this is how its done. I will get outta the guys what i want, basically when i want it. Because i lead. I am in the trenches lets go boys!!! I have a few little motivational lines i give out too, Yeah, are you trying out for Mack tools as a tool model, because, i would quit and just worry about this ditch!! haha. All in good fun.  I have more than earned my spot, and I take it as serious as such. It has been reittertated to me, that when i step foot onto that project, everyone answers to me. Third parties, inspectors, other foreman, it is mine. Yeah, i was like wow. That's throwing a guy to the wolves, eh!?! I have been entrusted with an entire section of the project, I have got to be on my game at all times!! No sweat. I can handle this, hold my soda pop and watch this.

I had the chance to have a solid heart to heart with the fella i have worked under for my entier pipeline career. He wanted to know, so he asked, and I bluntly told him who i was and where i was going, until i changed. He asked about my past and I told him quite honestly how terrible it truly was. I told him that if wanted me to drink, he should just shoot me. Its the same result. Ha. Then things made a little more sense for him. I did say, Ya know, all bull shit aside, I have an awesome killer instinct and when i lock on to something now a days, its pretty hard to get me to faulter from that goal. He said, oh yeah, whats that goal? "To be honest, i won't be satisfied until i take over all of this Jeff. I want this world now. In short, when you are done, and you say it is time, I want your position." "I appreciatye that will!" We shook hands and carried on. 

The seed for the next twenty steps have been planted. I don't control tomorrow, but, i can alter things and ask for help. I may not be able to control what comes at me, but i can plan and have plans for plans falling apart. 

Man, thinking back, it's been quite the journey. I am proud of myself on this day. 

Here's to another 24

Will

 So, here I am, in salmon arm, having the time of my life. I have officially taken the foreman seat on the digging crew! That’s mine now! Yes, me mnd my boys go and dig up a live gas line! Whooooo!!! I crushed that goal. Heck yeah. Not done though. Not done at all. Not even close.

The crew I put together is fantastic I feel. There are a few guys I’ve just met. There’s a few guys I worked with for the last year and one guy I have worked with for an honest 6years. 

These guys are great. The two I’ve had with me for a time, simply fell into line. They know what to do. They know how to do it! I’m simply just guiding and leading. 

Anyhow, we crushed our goal at work today with enough time to have a solid chill out break mid afternoon. Awesome! 

But I’m all honesty I’m just so grateful for the past few years. Two years ago, I fell deep into depression and all I had was Kung fu. Tried rebuilding best I could, tried to smile and be happy. Tried, some days I failed terribly. Others not bad. Last year, I had an opportunity of a lifetime for me. I got offered a job, that was the beginning of an absolute rocket ship for me. 

I took the positions sent my way! Also turned down positions I did not have the experience for. I grabbed bulls by the horns and went for the ride. Still riding man, and it feels great! I honestly did this career, my way!

Remembering back, I approached this job very different than almost all my past careers and jobs. I really felt, like I was running outta options and life to do something. School was going well, but I did hate it. I truly did. I wanted to love the new career, I wanted to want that lifestyle. But let’s face things, I’m very very good at what I currently do! So good in fact, that if you where to come onto a site I’m on, likely, I’m the first guy you need to speak to before I ask you why you’re on my site. Serious, your buisness is my buisness on that lease! Ha! What a thought! 

And I always talked about being that boss! Being the boss I wanted to have! Well… time to be that boss…

Okay dokay have a good day! 

Sure

 Hey everybody. Yeah I’m still around!! Still going strong. I have t been around at all since well last spring, and I do believe that’s the way it’s gonna be for the foreseeable future. 

Career wise, I’m absolutely crushing it. The winter in Conklin proved to be instrumental for myself and solidifying my position and earning that respect from my fellow hands and bosses. 

I have spoken about holding a foreman position. That was a temporary position at the time. I did say, back then, no sir, I do not have the knowledge to hold that position properly. Some people have spoken to me, just jump in and take it!! Fake it until you make it….no. Not for a second. 

In my industry we tear people apart for that. You either know or you don’t and if you say, yes I can do that and you mess it all up, best intentions or not, you’re gonna regret screwing up the project. Because, honestly, if any of the steps in my I Duarte get held back or get messed up, it does set back every single person and crew behind you! So, only knowledge and experience are looked at. We do not care who your friend is or your family. I have fired sons of bosses because, they couldn’t cut it! I have had that chat with the dad and when you explain your side, oh we get it. 

So, anyhow, this job this summer starts in a few days, I’ll be in salmon arm. Gonna be a great summer. The bossman says to me, “I want you as a foreman! I have faith in you and honestly, it’s time you take this step!”

“Do you think I can handle this?”

“I watched you all winter and last summer! You have got this buddy! So do you want this foreman seat or am I gonna pass you over again?”

“Nope, no need to keep looking! I am you’re   foreman!”

“Awesome! Now build a crew, get guys together, and get back to me!”

And I’m off! I have my crew built! I have my boys ready to roll when that day hits. Johnny on the spot here folks. 

I’m so pumped! And you know, like pipelining man am I good at what I do! I know it seems basic and it truly can be when you break things down and go step by step! I think it’s basic, some others do not. And that’s okay. I have the ability to slow down and focus on this step and the next few steps. I can honestly take a look at what’s happening and know exactly what the next step is. I have built a knowledge base where I can honestly jump in with both feet into almost any situation on a pipeline wand not only help, but excel! And even though I was being groomed to become management, I still asked questions! Even just to reinforce knowledge. I do t care about asking questions. It’s very powerful. 

In any event, I do hold onto a lot of basic hand forms and techniques. I don’t have the same drive in Kung fu as I once did. I have other goals. My thoughts and actions have changed. My desires have stayed mostly the same, just tweaked for todays goals.

If this “pandemic” has taught me anything, it’s simply, I do not like people. Like a lot! I have grow kinda jaded on the last two years, so instead of acting the fool and trying to place blame on everyone around me, I’ll own my issues and carry on! I have a desire and the ability to move to a large parcel of land and truly have no need for most of society.

I am working a plan, when and where I will become completely self sufficient as far as food goes! I’m working on energy and heat abilities at the moment, but, I’ll build a plan. And eventually, I will pack my belongings and honestly disappear into the woods! 

Let’s be honest, I would flourish out in the wilderness! I like trees far more than 99% of people out there! I am far more at home out in the bush or tracking an animal or just napping under a tree. 

In a few more years, I will be able to pick and choose what jobs I go on! In a few more years I’ll decide what hours I will work! And so on. It’s alot of hard work and labour and just saving and saving and saving, but my mental health is worth it!

…wow…

 Well, that was a year. Like I’m even late for the wrap up blog. Good gracious. I myself am disappointed in myself Kung fu wise. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles I suppose. Didn’t accomplish much in long run! Hell of a start…then work happened. 

  So, I made progress professionally, still making strides. Definitely a bit of a break out year for me! It’s still solid. Working on the coating crew, and making good time from what I understand. 

Life’s been really really busy. Not a lot of wiggle room, especially since I’ve had a total of 72hrs at home since jan2. Not all at once! Haha. Pipelining friends. It’s not a job, it’s a way of life. That’s what some people just don’t get. Some people, ya know, have said “with change of the times comes change!” The way people work is changing. The way business is done in general is changing! We are as well, just baby steps. 

I really do enjoy what I do. I am very proud to call myself a pipeliner. Some people hate me. That’s fine. I’m not here to please anyone, but myself. That’s what really matters. 

Anyhow. 

Just another day, whatever day it is!

 Hey ya how’s it going? Been a “few days” I suppose since we’ve last spoke. This job is almost done! Super duper close to being all wrapped up. We are like two weeks ahead of schedule and honestly gaining time. 

I haven’t let my foot off the gas on pushing the crew! No, to be honest i have pressed harder on the gas and asked for a little more outta everyone. The crew has responded very well, so far! There’s always one guy whom wants to try to slow the job down for another pay cheque and I’m working on him. Leaning hard on him. I make sure that if this guy is backfilling, I’m watching him! Haha. Willy don’t play games!! 

I haven’t had much time for anything else. My days starts around 5am. Gotta leave by 530. Grab fuel, get my truck loaded with the days materials and then I have a morning meeting with the crew. Now it’s 645-7am. Morning chat, give directions for the days tasks, ask for questions, tell a bad dad joke and off to the races. Typically I’m the first guy on the lease, and so, I do the site walk through, check for vandalism, stolen goods, okay we can start! The boys get to it and my paperwork starts. Safe ditch entries, start cards, steep hill forms to sign, equipment inspections….blah blah blah….okay let’s go already, (730-8ish) I don’t normally stop for morning break (10am) I’ll eat around lunch or if I’m hungry I’ll go get a bite to eat! Most days, I will throw some granola bars in my pocket and a cup of coffee in my back pocket and let’s roll!!! Haha. Noon hits and the days half over! Double check all my paperwork make sure nothing on site has overly changed! Resign and fill out what needs to be updated! Okay get back to work you dogs…afternoon break is at 3pm. Gents have a bite!! Bam! It’s 530-545, and now I’ll cut you loose! But first, we get back to the yard and unload and clean out trucks, throw out the trash, winterized pumps, ensure we get things ready for tmrw! Okay, cuts the boys loose for the day and I’m into the office (630ish) usually my paperwork takes 15-20min, but also the bosses and myself start the plan for tmrw! Sometimes, we leave at 7…sometimes it’s closer to 730….oh gawd I’m beat! Okay, cool, what’s for dinner? Oops forgot, not tonight!! It’s three day old left overs…get it into ya!! 30 min drive to motel, pack a lunch, shower, eat some more food, and most importantly, what I truly look forward to, family phone calls, and then hopefully I go to sleep around 930-10! Lately, it’s odd, I haven’t been sleeping! Nopers, I’m getting 3-4hrs and that’s about it! Staring at walls, and blinds and roofs! Haha.

You wanna hear something odd? I have learnt that, if I’m watching people work, just being a boss and not one of the boys, I get anxious and start to stress out! Yeah for reals! It truly bothers me to not be in the ditches. So what am I gonna do about it? Well, I have to learn to handle this new found “stress”.  Like it really bothers me. Its been pointed out that I’ll slowly move around in large circles or I’ll medium pace pace. Or I just stand there all tense like. A fair bit of the time I do not realize I’m doing these things until I’m knee deep into a hole I just walked!! I have to learn, that’s what the crew gets paid for, that’s literally why they got hired… doesn’t mean I’m not going to get in there and work, but I do have to almost take a step back and let them have at it. This crew we have been together for four and a bit months. We know what to do. We know who does what and when they should do it. Everyone knows their place! 

Even the young 20 year old kid with a mouth on him! He learnt! He learnt the hard way. I tried really hard to remind him that, sure I like to joke about and have a good time, but sometimes, you gotta read the play and not spout off. That didn’t work. So I spoke about if he even knows the verbal and physical ways to tell if someone has had enough. No?!? Weeellllllll, he decided to keep digging a hole with me! He didn’t know his limits, so I taught him some manners! He ran away from interrupting me and some higher ups with his tail between his legs! I not so politely promised him I was not going to hit him, but I am going to head butt him if he spouts off one more time! Now, be a good young man and get out of this ditch and get something done! A few hours later, after keeping a safe distance, he apologized and asked what he did wrong! He truly didn’t understand! I apologized for threatening him, and asked him to really work on learning when enough is enough, because he damn near ate my hard hat! I reminded him that the good lord gave him two ears and one mouth for a reason and he best figure that one out before I sort it out for him! I don’t want your fear, but now, you start back at zero with me. Start earning my respect, not the crews laughter! The crew won’t keep him around, my reports and daily boss talks will keep him around, and yes I have had to have a conversation with the big boss about keeping him on site! He promised he’d change his attitude, and he has! We shake hands and moved on! He’s been gold ever since! Still cracks his jokes, appropriately, he’s still a great hand, and now he’s far better! Hahaha. Since that day, I’ve complimented him a few times on his work ethic and how he’s changed things for the better! 

Anyhow, that’s enough outta me I guess! Not really sure on what else to talk about! Soon I’ll be back training online with everyone! Soon! So close friends. For a few weeks anyhow. Until the next one starts! 

And with that being said

Have a great night and thanks for reading my ramblings 

Mr.Duncan

Catching up

Hey there. Yeah I see you reading this! That’s right on! Thanks. I’m in a really grateful mood lately. Yeah I had a real cool tour of around the little hamlet I’m staying in. I’m actually staying in Wasa, just outside of cranbrook. Yeah, I wrapped up Sparwood and got shipped on!! Made the cut! 

So, yeah, new shiny places! This time it’s different. One of the fellas I work with has lived here his whole life, and we share a lot the same hobbies, like work and shooting and trucks and other stuff. 

I asked for help in finding accommodations. Sparwood was acceptable but way too expensive! So he hooks me up with a sweet deal at the local motel! Yeah and it’s a really nice room to boot! Like I’m paying a month here for a weeks worth there kinda deal! I love small towns! 

Sweet deal!! This dude I working with he’s solid! I’d dare to say I made a friend! Ha!! I asked if he’d show me about! He knows every road in this place, so he takes me to places like the top of an old look out tower built in the early 1950’s!! Of course I climbed the broken stairs and stood on the rotting balcony! You just have too!! Signed the book. That stuffs important. It’s was even creepier because the clouds had settled on the mountain! The trees are all kinda stunted and visibly different from the trees further down the hill! Less oxygen there, so they don’t grow so tall!! What a time yeah!?! Definitely mini trucks for those trails!! 

And bears and more bears and elk and deer! Saw my very first blue grouse!! You only see them at high elevations and they are a beautiful bird. It is blue feathered! Just cool!! 

I did a rep of DMH up on top of the mountain. No I didn’t get pics! I was too busy living in the moment! Just enjoying the whole situation and taking it all in!! 

Anyhow, I’ve been chipping away at this blog for a few days now! My days are getting longer and longer! I have to be on site for 6:30am for meetings, before we have our morning tailgate. And unfortunately, I don’t leave site until 6:30pm at the earliest! Closer to 7. I have got paperwork and time cards and daily reports and blah blah blah…. My foreman has started to really groom me for a foreman seat! I was supposed to take a foreman a few weeks ago, but I did say, if there’s someone with more experience, then, let them have it! I can and will do it, but I feel I don’t have the experience to be pushing a full crew! Especially on this project! 

This job is the literal first of its kind with the repairs dig ups that we are doing! Last time anyone looked at this line was in the 1950’s when it was first installed. The pressure is on and so are the eyes!! Every Tom dick and Harry are out here watching how we are going to expose these lines….ugh! Not fun! The work is, the pressure isn’t. 

Any which way, I have a bit of a slow day today! I’ve been placed to watch the welding crew. It’s funny we had a office dude out here the first day watching these guys and they dropped the ball on getting things done on time. The office guy was… kindly told to not come back out, and now, I am here! Oh I’ll tell you what, we are back on par for hitting the appropriate finish times! I had to straighten out a few poor attitudes and sort out a thought process that this is a place to waste time. As in, I’m really unsure why the welder is not running! Can you mr.welder please explain to me why in the #*^% this is taking so long? No?!? No good reason? You best get back at it….But, we are friends now, and nobody wastes time here anymore….hahahaha!! 

Oh a funny-ish story. We had to unload around 100 sandbags! So we set up a line of hands and started throwing them down the line! And typical pipeliner mentality, we started “gentle” and by the time we are like 5 bags in, we are throwing the sandbags at each other! “Hurry up! Come on catch it!! What is your problem? Can’t catch a 25lb sandbag?? Hahaha  my foreman, big big old farm boy, waited until I had a sandbag in my hands and turned to look at him, ready to toss the next bag, I see him holding the sand bag, so I says, what you need a break big guy? Need a hug for motivation? So he does his small smile and blasted me in the face with this sandbag…hahahaha…so I threw it back!  He throws it back at me, but harder, darn near knocked me over!! Hahaha!! Gotta have fun I say!! All in good fun!! Hahahaha!! Best crew I’ve seen in a long time!! 

Outside of that guys, I don’t know what else! Boot camp looked like a lot of fun! Kind of disappointed I’m missing so much, but, it’s part of the gig! School looks great! Thank you for everyone’s hard work getting the Kwoon looking so nice! Great job everyone! 

I guess that’s pretty much it for now! 

Have a great day 

Thanks for your time 

Mr. Duncan  

Wasa

 Hey there everyone! Yeah hey it’s great! Just plugging along!! I’ve moved towns now, I’m no longer in Sparwood! No we moved down to Cranbrook!! Oh wow what a place this is….like super sarcastically….I’m sure it has its diamonds. 

 I elected to go to this awesome little hamlet called Wasa. An older Swiss couple own it. Honestly, I think the muppets when I hear a Swiss accent!! Hahah. They are real neat to talk with. I enjoy them. I quite enjoy my time here. Loving it!! 

I have started putting thought to make efforts and plant seeds to move out in this general direction…. I dream of places like this! My kinda world. Decent sized lots for an acceptable price!! Holy moly!! Even larger parcels outside of town. 

Anyhow one of the guys I’m working with, his 3x grandfather was a founding member of this town! Ha. How cool is that?!? And then, everything came together with this fella! He scored me the room! Lines everything but the payment up! I got this for ya Will. He’s good people. He knows who and what and where!! Just a gem. 

Oh you should have seen the size of this black bear we saw a few days ago at end of shift!! Holy cow, she was big! We slowed down to take a look, but, couldn’t stop as I was heading a convoy of trucks down this logging road…hahaha. Man what a time!! I wish I could have stopped though, just to watch and see her! You could tell it was a sow. The ears are different between boars and sows! Bears are cool! She had no cubs and she was older, getting on in age! The dude I ride with, schooled me with bear knowledge and how to identify sow or boar. Guess age correctly! A better way to identify grizzlies other than just looking at the hump! Learnt a lot today! Good time!! 

Adapting and growing

 Why hello there! How are you? The kids? Dogs? Cats? Cool!! Sounds great!! I’m doing well! Real good still. Yup just got back on shift. I had a good set of days off. Never long enough, but, seems too long at times! 

Soooo, plans. Organizing skills. Setting up the days work. Tomorrow’s work plan as well at this point. Adapting and changing. 

Had a 5am out the door kinda day today and I’ve honestly just stopped! 8pm. I had to be in Cranbrook for 7am and I took the company whip, so, that’s really have to drive nicely…I get rewards for driving properly!! Haha. Ahhh what a place. Seriously my company handed me a 600watt work flood light, for driving properly…mind blown, but thank you! This is great! Anyways, back to the point. Last night we/I had a chat with the crew about today’s work. And we had a plan that was deadly! We would have been off of the lease and near done the second lease, across the street! Cool, I talk to the bosses and lay out the plan! Bosses like it, makes sense! 

I’m finished my reading and have finally made it back to site! Dudes, I roll onto site and nothing has changed! Not one piece of dirt, not a rock, nothing!! What is “tarnations?” That’s not what I said, use your imagination! Not you kids, just the adults. Yeah there’s my operator! Yeah his hoe is not broken, what the front door is happening here!! I’m mad, but, I gotta be calm! That’s the boss I wanna be! Not going to let this ruin my day! Nope! Lead by example! 

Allan, jumps outta his hoe, speed walks over and starts spilling the beans! Dude, you’ll never believe this! Well this morning, in my absence, the boss changed the plan, and told my operator to just kinda take the day and be chill, nap if you want, it doesn’t matter….. Oh I said! Well than! Isn’t that neat! Well, whatever then! Sorry dude but get back in that hoe and let’s get to work I suppose! He does and we do! 

The boss shows up later on and is like, what are the odds you are going to be done tonight will? It’s supposed to rain tmrw! 

I’m pausing, and collecting my thoughts! Oh I’m choosing my words wisely right now! There’s so much I want to say!! I’m staring dead at him and ask, “Pardon? I didn’t hear you properly what did you just say to me?” So he repeats and I’m like, “ya know something here boss, if the plan was left alone today, we would be done, but it wasn’t and because of that we won’t be done tonight, at all!” “Oh well can we make this happen?” “No, not tonight, too much too do!” He says thanks and leaves. 

And you know something team, I put my anger into my task and, by golly, we would have got it done tonight, I truly would have even in such a short period of time, but alas the boss calls and changed the plan, again, and completely sent it all for a ride, again. I was so impressed! Like super happy he did that! 

I had top soil left and that is fast and easy! Two hours no sweat!! Now, abandon this site, loose two hours+travel back and forth and we just lost 3-4 hours and we honestly went and did all the work we could do in the rain for tmrw…

Boss shows back up to drop off stuff we needed tmrw and is like, “yup, I screwed you!” 

Man I stopped dead in my tracks and simply said, yeah, you did! But imma tell you this for free right now! I’ve screwed up on site and you covered for me! Its my turn to cover for you! Don’t worry about it boss! I’ll still make you look good!”

“Okay, good, I though you where gonna beat me up! Okay cool Will, see you later” 

“That’s not off the table yet, but have a nice night, see ya later”

I was pretty proud of myself! I stayed calm, I didn’t even raise my voice! I had impulses, I wanted to just explain things, but, what will I gain? Nothing! He’s covered for me, so that would be rude for me to do. I could have just walked away, not even speak to him, like I first wanted too, but that’s childish! 

What I did do was put myself in his shoes an try to understand his logic! Make sense of his mess, maybe I’m not understanding it! Maybe I just can’t see the play! Maybe he’s still feeling the days off? Man, I don’t know! What I chalked it up too, is he has his reasons why! It’s my job to do as instructed and learn. 

My temper has always been my Achilles’ tendon! I could get mad at my pants forgoing on to easy…. Always, finally, after many many years of slowly working on it, I am starting to calm down! Starting to see more of the grand picture. Especially since the pandemic started! I’ve honestly tried really hard to not jump to conclusions and try so hard to see it from everyone else’s perspective! To lead by example as best I can! Be the boss everyone wants to work for!!

Today team, outside of the actual training itself, my day flopped, it sucked, it was dog poop! Never should have gotten outta bed! Could have thrown a fire extinguisher, I was so pissed!! But today, I stayed in that positive mental attitude! I took breathes!! Deep ones!! I stayed “for real” smiling and kept it cool! Even my partner commented on how calm I took the crap show!! 

Today, I took a victory for myself! Chalking this one up to the higher power and giving thanks for the strength to stay calm! 

Fist pumps and high fives!! 

Anyhow, everyone, I’m starting the head nod, I am gonna shut this down for the night! 

And such, I say good night!

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

All In Good Time

 Well, it’s been a while I’d say. thanks for the poke there, Mr.B! I have honestly lost track of time. And now, its near september. Getting stuff done homies! Just killing things….man mad props from everyone out here! People real pleased with the jobs we as a crew are doing. It’s nice. And we really are doing a bang up job. I mean, it’s pretty cool. 

We had black bears come and check us out wednesday! Two cubs and mom was spotted off in the trees, I’d say they were 80-90 years away, heads just peaking over the tall grass!!! They split a rotten tree stump and they were busy over there. It was cool!! And some people have to stop on the highways to see that, I just go to work!! we watched them split a rotten tree root and start digging. It really looked like the cubs where having a blast. I did not see mama bear, but, honestly, its a black bear. so, do not go poking them and they will leave you alone. its not like it was a grizzely who, will literally bluff rush you, simply because it can. Grizzelies know how big they are, black bears do not, or they just dont care. dont poke the black bear and you get to live!! haha. what a day that was. 

I feel a lot like I getting rewarded for my efforts at work. I giver and I care! It honestly sets me apart from others who don’t carry an attitude like mine. Once I’m committed, I’m all in. No excuses. Ha ha!  I don’t mean to toot my horn… too loudly, but it feels good, for a fella like me, who pours his everything into the project, to get a few atta boys!! 

For example, The head inspector, him and I work closely together. He knows I’m new to integrity digs and management on the pipeline. He’s working with me. Tips, advice, a heads up on how to be more efficient. And actually helping get stuff done. He literally gets i the ditch and gets dirty with us. That is absolutely unheard of. most wont say boo, and most just run and tell on you. Positive reinforcement. Helpful advice. Explains himself,  the whys and how’s. I listen and grow. I pay attention and ask questions. I see what’s going on here. 

He says to me, “ya know will, you’re gonna be a foreman one day here real soon, you’ll see!” I kinda laugh, “sure, sure, I’m like a dog driving a car dude!” He responded  “laugh now and make sure you laugh later when I say I told you so!” 

A few days go by and I get called in to talk to the superintendent about, well, a utility foreman seat! They like my clean up and how I conduct my small crew and leases I do “run”  everyone’s real happy with everything I bring to the table, haha!! Oh I laughed!! my quality of work is very high. I do not leave any garbage, messes and unless you know what to look for, you wouldn't even know we where there. Yeah baby, yeah!!

To be honest with a whole crew of like minded positive people, things are just better! well, this blogg has been in the works for a few days, and a few days ago, i really enjoyed everyone. two people decided to blow two shifts, to basically go get drunk. I want them off my crew, like yesterday! Fired! You're fired, but, the big big boss, has decided for one more chance.....I am floored. Me? I do not have patience for people like that. Absolutely shocked....i told him, this is a terrible exapmle to set. You do realize we will pay for this now and later, when people figure out they can just no-show, whenever they want to. A very dangerous standard to set. How do i know? Because ive seen it all too many times. 

I still like that vast majority of people here, now, i just have to be a little more attentive. All i need is an excuse at this point. Whats the big deal? sure ill tell you. What would happen if my boss decided, naw, im going to get drunk and blow off two shifts? The project will come to a screatching halt. What happens if I blow shift? My truck doesnt move, and no one on my crew gets to site, the plan for the day gets screwed right up. Both fired, these two degenerates......

Anyhow, what about training you say? Its okay. i have kinda dwindled out here. I am beat. I figured it would be easier to get back into full swing once i was used to working again, but after a 14hour day, one of the last things i want to do, is go anywhere and do anything. so, yeah I'm slacking and slacking hard. i know excuses, excuses. Hahahaha. 

Now that im managment, theres extra training and courses, i have to keep up with, and that eats up alot of my spare time. Its all computer work too boot, and we all know how much i suck with computers. Ahh well, welcome to the big leauges. 

the bits of trraining io do do, i try exceptionally hard for clean and precise movements. why am i practising? to get better, so, be better, in my practicing. Lock those stances, before moving on. Get those push up and sit ups in. Come on man, i know im tired, I know its been a hot and dirty long day. But, come on man, lets get rolling. And after a few moments of the body fighting and being stubborn, i start the training again. 

Well, i guess, I dont know what else to talk about. 

Oh, have you seen Peaky Blinders? Man what a great show, BY order of The Peaky Blinders you gotta watch it. Starts in 1919, and follows this street gang, that has huge ambitions!! The guys have razor blades tied into their caps, they make examples and statements with. Oh its my kinda show. 

Okay dokay, now i think that is everything

I will talk at you soon!

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

Touching Base

 Howdy ho there friends!! How’s it going? How’s the week and a bit been? Been good!? Yeah I bet! It’s been well, thanks for asking! Really well! 

Work has been great. Quite rewarding!! I’m made it through the break in period of being a mini boss, and tomorrow I start my journey on my own! It’s honestly something I’ve done a lot on the pipeline and it was my break through gig on the line! Oh, I didn’t say, you say. It’s the shading end of things. So the jobs done and inspected and crates and everything is flowing and all that’s left is covering the pipe up. There’s far more to it than just dumping some dirt on it and walking away!! I wish! 

No, there’s a lot of sand needed to lay the pipe on and we need 300mm of coverage all over the pipe, compacted to an inspectors liking and then layer by layer we cover and compact! It’s about a 16hour gig to do properly! Rules about when the compactor can go on pipe and which compactor and at what height are we to change the directions! 

Ya know and it made me wonder, if we make new rules by learning the hard way, then that’s must of sucked learning that lesson….

Anyhow, I just finished my few days off and spent them really crushing time with the family. Busy busy, seems I need to be at work to relax!! Hahaha. I’m just kidding.

The other day I was working some DMH and I’m not sure if I was looking the best or what, but man I was having fun. Snapping the body into stance, finding that ground! I was really feeling the forms. 

Dragon felt good, I’m positive I’m mixing something up, but that’s cool. Maybe I’m really not and just second guessing myself too much! I really enjoy that form. Just the power and flow, when I do find it, it’s just incredible! Like, the second last technique I keep having this feeling of face palming someone!! Hahaha! I like that even more! 

I wanna tell ya about this chat I had this a real old friend! This is the second guy in the last few weeks frond the past that has reached out to me! It’s a cool feeling, tell ya what! 

So anybow, we rolled together in high school and a bit in adult life, but, parted ways long time ago! I honestly half thought he was passed away until I saw him on the book of faces! It is funny how things work out, after the typical, how are you what are you doing babble, he opened up! He’s looking for someone to help, with different symptoms, but is at that stage of ready to accept, but doesn’t wanna take that plunge yet! And he’s happy with what he’s got!! And that’s just fine I say! Atleast he’s out there getting in touch with the good people and asking the good questions!! 

He asked about getting happier and how to try to beat these bouts of depression. I’m no expert but, I know what I know! I said, finding gratitude in what is in front of me, in my family and home, and just being grateful that it’s not worse, because it could be. The universe gives you exactly what you can handle, it’s gratitude for “the opportunity to get to work on this problem” that makes me smile! 

…from what I’ve heard…from people I really admire…and from what I’ve experienced first hand…

But I digress, I’m tired and fear I’ll start rambling about wrestling and how it’s made me mad!! Like, Getting rid of Bray Wyatt…like who does that???!? Why in gods green earth would you let go one of the hottest names in wrestling today??? Like some of the other talent I can live with, fine…but bray Wyatt?? And then you put Goldberg in the title picture? Goldberg?? Don’t ya mean Oldberg man alive! What is this? The Golden Girls?? Oldberg gave himself a concussion on the last match he was in by smashing his own head against a steel door to get amped up?? Who does that? He practically fell over in his entrance… And then you just about break the undertakers neck, not once but twice!! In the same bloody match! Literally booed outta the ring and a like 18 months later, have another title shot while we lay off the real talent!!! It’s okay to retire with grace and be the literal unstoppable machine from 20 years ago, but this is just trying to light a fart in a tornado….ahhh! That’s right! A fart in a tornado! It stinks and it blows!! And then…

Haha oh well…

Okay dokay! I’ll talk to you later

Mr.Duncan

Hi!

 Howdy do there everyone!! Well another one down and another group of wins!! Good days indeed. 

I wanna try to paint a picture. We, the crew, were down at this one site we have. There’s a few streams coming into a larger stream, just over there!! I can hear it! So, we had to dig in some enviro fencing! Alot of it! Like 25m worth. It’s a woven fabric that only allows water to flow through, not dirt, not grass, just water! So, it’s gotta be installed underground!  Why, because that’s not where we found the dirt!!! Anyhow, we hear this creek! We all hear the water, we all smell the change in the air, alas all stopped to take a look! We all smiled at each other, nodded and buckled down!! It was last shift of the week, and the days almost over…well, the four of us just buckled down and went to work! We all wanted to go check out the creeks! We worked hard got done early and we all just dropped our shovels where we stood and found a path! 

Oh people, we are all excited and for our little treat. Paths are found and the best thing is, is we all have a great relationship with each other and we say things like, are you skipping rocks or throwing submarines? Our foreman who is the “this is a pipeline not a playground” kinda guy! Smiles when he’s ripping on ya!!  He’s stripped of his boots and socks, pants rolled up and ear to ear grin! The other two are playing about in the woods next to this creek!! I’m squatting by this creek side soaking myself with my hands, ah the cool water soaking into my face and head!! Cooling off from a dog days worth of work! Washing away the caked on sweat!! As I continue to splash water Gord Downie came to mind, 

… I had my hands in the river, my feet back up on the banks 
Looked up to the Lord above and said, "Hey, man thanks" 
Sometimes I feel so good, I gotta scream 

and I did…all of it!  More like a Rick flair Woooo!! Yeah you know it!! Oh it felt so good!! 

Any which way, we hung out for a few more minutes before boss calls it! One more face scrubbing and off we go! 

It’s the little experiences like this, that make the gig even more worth it! 

Kung fu and school I’m having a time maintaining both, and it’s something I’m working on. I’m keeping up with my studies more than anything, so honestly, maintains my Kung fu has become a struggle at times. Not that I do t want to, it’s, just not very committed all the time. Im tired at night! Some nights, it feels like a motion. No commitment. I’m doing this and then this, oh now I’m kicking, blah blah blah. A few nights it’s been solid, not so many, yet! 

After I’ve got time, I’m pretty beat up for the day. So, yeah some nights it’s ready for work and eat and read a few chapters and then it’s tomorrow! Repeat! Ha! I gotta remember Im still getting into the work swing again! 10 months at home! Pfft, got soft! Still sharpening up some of my skills! In good time, I’m confident, I can carve a new  schedule! Re-structure my time into something more efficient! Kinda just winging it, seat o’ my pants! 

Anyhow! I’ll let ya go for now! 

Thanks for your time

Mr.Duncan

How long? Oops!!

 Hey yo!! It’s finally mr.D!! Well, my time here has been, life changing. Just from spending this much time here, it’s only been a few weeks, I’ve managed to near quit smoking, I only feel the urges and temptations at night, and it’s truly getting easier and easier to say no! I really don’t want it anymore! 

School is not so bad! I’ve been reading and studying still at night, for the small amounts of time I have! I’m pounding the hours and working like a dog! I know I was really hoping that school would be done and I’d be a certified inspector and stuff, but it’s not exactly how things are supposed to roll I suppose! 

When I made the decision to go back to work, I talked with sifu about it, and he really emphasized that not always do our dreams work out exactly how we want the first go at things!! I’ve really held onto that advice and have tried to just take things as they come and adapt, advance, attack, annihilate!! And then Sifu Cosgrove’s post, yeah that’s been my pathway too it seems! Nailed it! 

Honestly, so far so good! I think. The work itself is all integrity, inspecting, and revamping the pipeline! Which is exactly what we should be doing! No more new lines, but let’s fix up and upgrade what we have!! It’s the only logical step! Or we can have disasters everywhere….

I wasn’t sure of where on the site I would fit, being I’m one of the first here! It turns out I’ve been bumped into the digging crew, which is perfect! Simply because, I do want to be apart of the digging and integrity work! My foreman is one of the finest in the buisness! So, I’m sticking with him. The work we are doing requires, absolute spot on pipelining skills! The lines are all hot and pushing a lot of product…hahaha….it’s only sour gas, no worries!! Ha ha ha! Oh that line over there, that’s the towns natural gas! Yeah that’s right! 

I’m enjoying the work! I’m literally digging ditches by hand! We do have a hoe, but he’s not allowed within 1M of the pipe…so, that’s why I am here!! Oh it feels good to work like this! Head down, sweat spraying with your breath, blistering heat, ahhh I’m loving it!! How couldn’t I? I stop to catch my breath between shovels and man, it’s the mountains!! Pfft, BIG ol smile and start shovelling again!! 

Oh, and those fellas that replaced me before I was even there? They did not study enough for their exam, they couldn’t even get on site! Haha oh my god! My lead hand is going to take the foreman position on coating crew and I, by default, have be given the lead hand position under my foreman!

And just like that things change and change again!! 

Adapt, advance, attack, annihilite! 

Teammies, you should see some of the spots I have found to practice Kung fu!! Hahaha! Hopefully I remember to take pics! 

Okay, I’ll talk at ya later! Thanks for your time!

Mr.Duncan. 

July 2, 2011

 Normally I write on sundays! But I knew this day was coming, so Ive waited patiently to write this blog! 

Well, for myself today is a very powerful day! This day exactly 10years and 4hours ago, 3650 one day at a times ago,I chose to change my life. I’m going to take a trip down memory lane! It’s not that I want to live in the past nor do I envy or miss the past! Today’s post is all about remembering where I came from and remembering where I can go, if I decide to go back to my old ways! Remembering why I have a sociopath tattooed on my foreman…remembering who I become if I don’t pay attention to me! 

Ten years ago, wow, how time has passed ever so quickly it seems. Ten years ago, I had to change. I was walking that razors edge of suicide and “living”. Every day I’d purposely play with death. I think it was because I didn’t know how fortunate and lucky of a guy I truly was. I had given up on myself at a really young age and resorted to alcohol to deal with life. Alcohol was to only thing I could count on back then. I had no friends, my wife and kids had their bags packed. I was destined to be a loser, so I thought. All I had, at that point in time in my life was a bottle of whiskey or a flat of road pops! Man what a disaster!! How I never killed myself or anyone else, I can only thank my creator for watching out for me! 

I grew up in a home where love wasn’t really a thing and so I never learnt how to express myself without bouts of terrible words, and then I’d go bust someone’s face in the streets, or get beat up! Didn’t matter as long as it was going down!! I was on a path to an implosion! A self run tornado of absolute destruction of anything in my life! I learnt at a very young age, that violence solves almost anything, I still indeed struggle with that as an adult, and there’s times I want to melt someone’s noodle for them, but I work at it! And it’s easier to remove those thoughts today!! Years of practice though!! 

And to be honest, I tried to quit drinking on my own! I switched brands, I only drank whiskey on saturdays, then only on fridays! Or I’d only drink 6 on the way home from work and then float for the rest of the night! Or id only drink rum, or only beers, man I “tried to change on my own” so many times. 

And my life just kept doing downhill. My younger cousin Chad, he gave his life as an example for the rest of us! My family struggles with personal demons, it’s literally ripped my family to shreds! Chad, man, I love you so much cousin! I stay sober for you my friend! I hope you can see me from heaven, I havnt stopped working for us cousin. And I won’t Chad. I promised you at your funeral I was going to do something about it! But I kept drinking. I really sank deeper and deeper into depression! 

Chad was my only friend! He was the only person who ever gave a shit about me. He was the only person who called to talk to me. Or just pop by and visit! The ONLY person I had in my life that didn’t hate me…and then, he took his life… I was left alone and depressed! I went dark! 

I was technically broken and severely confused! I took the blame of his suicide and carried it! I was supposed to have called him that very night! We always called each other just to see how we where! We as a family knew we where nuts and back then, we took care of each other! But that night, I did not call, and Chad passed…I carried that burden. It wasn’t right I took the blame, but that was then!  A few more months of escalated antics and increasing the amounts of insanity I craved in my life, Canada Day 2011 finally hit! (There’s a specific reason the joker is tattooed where he is on my arm! So every morning when I brush my teeth first thing, I make direct eye contact with him and I have to make a clear decision every morning, do I stay sober or do I go get blasted and torment good people?) 

Canada Day of 2011 came and I went WILD that night! As wild and crazy and absolutely insane as it was, this night had to happen EXACTLY how it happened! Shudder shudder…And as a black-out drunk, for some reason I vividly remember this night!!! Party on the beach in Regina! Running from the cops, hiding from heavy drug dealers, near getting stabbed to death! I got into some serious trouble that night, that was exponentially worse with alcohol and drugs!!  Long story short, I just about died that night. Me and my “friend” got cornered in a public bathroom over a drug debt…knives got pulled and fists went flying, there was all sorts of wow!! We literally fought for our lives that night…and the night did not end there; oh no, of course it didn’t! I was on a path to destruction and by god I was gonna hit it! Onto the harder and harder drugs…cocaine isn’t doing anything and neither is the booze, ahhhh screaming at the moon wild!!!  so onto more and more and harder and harder….

And at some point the next day I passed out! When I finally did I kept having these nightmares. I couldn’t sleep! My dead cousin came to me in my dream and absolutely scared the heck outta me! I woke up crying and shaking! So fearful of my life! All such new and crazy feelings. I knew I needed help! I was so messed up, didn’t know what way was left or left? On and off I dozed in broken tent in this flippen farmers field, sweltering heat and coming down and nightmares! That darned devil showed up in my nightmares! I will never forget what it said to me! “You’re soul is mine! You’re mine boy!” And I woke up terrified crying and so lost! Just a broken scared individual! So much so I basically packed up my stuff and left for home! Left half my camp set up! I just needed to leave! 

I had four options given to me! 1.Go to a treatment center 2. Go to an insane asylum 3. Go to AA and get some help! 4. Beat it and don’t come back. 

I went to AA. I thought it would be easy!! Hahaha. Ahh. So nieve, but so worth the every second of it!! My very first meeting, the first things anyone said to me those rooms as this! “Kid if you want to get sober, you get honest and get honest right fn now! Because whatever you’re ashamed of, whatever you’ve done and whatever you’ve said, so have all of us! So get honest and honest right f’n now!” Ive never seen that man since that day! Bless you good sir, saved my life.  I really wish I knew who he was so I could thank him for his words! 

Regardless, that man changed my life with those few sentences! No longer was I alone in this world! No longer did I have to carry these burdens, no more! I have friends that do care! People from the mtgs would call! “Will, what are you doing? Are you coming to the mtg tonight? Can’t wait to see you” I’d be half nuts loosing it on the wind and they’d say, keep coming back Will! We love you!!” “Wtf you just say to me?” “Okay just keep coming back will!!” They taught me love when I I knew was anger! They showed me kindness when I didn’t know how to! They showed me purpose and gave me a path to get there! 

I’d just think to myself, they are happy to see me? What kind of a trick is this? Seriously, are you messing with me? It took a little bit, but, after listening to the laughter and getting the hugs and actually learning to believe that strangers do give a crap about me, I started to come around! Once the desire to drink was lifted from me, through pray and believing in myself and doing the actual work out in front of me, it finally was gone! Then I could forgive myself! Then I started to not only believe that I deserved to live, that I deserved a decent life! That I did not have to be a loser! In fact I never was a loser!  I started to believe that I was worth more than farts in the wind. Today, not only do I believe I deserve a decent life, I want other people to have amazing lives today! Everyone deserves to be happy!! 

Now, I worked and worked for my sobriety! I fought tooth and nail to stay sober! I would lay there at night, terrified to sleep, because that damn devil was gonna show up and torment me…that scared me so much, I just did not sleep! I couldn’t! Scared me so much! Than one day a good friend of mine was listening to me talk about this demon in my dreams! And he volunteered his time to help get rid of the devil! We prepared for war! I told him, he’s not letting go man! I suffocate at night! He said good! Let’s go to war for your soul will! And by god war we brought to the devil! By the time we were done, the devil was in the corner crying for help! The devil was begging me to stop, but I didn’t and I still don’t! Today I lean on him hard! Harder than when I started! And well, needless to say, I stand before you my friends,  not him!!

My buddy showed my the power of the creator! He led me into a faithfulness where He is greater than I! And I am merely a tool for his greater good! I learnt I have the power in my mind, and by the creators will, I fought that demon every single bloody night, until, one night! I said no more! You do not scare me anymore! I am Will Fuxking Duncan! You do not control me you mfer! Stay outta my head! You no longer have power over me! And that was honestly the end of that! Not to say the devil hasn’t reared his ugly face and tried to come back! I mean he did own me a really long time, but, he keeps failing and his voice gets quieter and quieter each time! I laugh in his face today! To be brutally honest! Laugh!! I try to not get complacent, he’s always around!

But I still make mistakes! 

That’s cool! I take ownership and make amends and carry on in life! I just try my best! 

And even still, I had something missing! I poured everything I had into sobriety, and still there was just a tiny piece missing! One day I fell into SRKF in Onoway! And here’s Sifu Ryback and Sifu Wiebe! Two people who where very important in my early sobriety, and I don’t know, if they knew how powerful they were for me! Listen, for me, I saw two highly functioning adults, adulting and doing some awesome Kung fu, and I thought, i should be able to do that! So yes, Sifu Wiebe, I will join your class! That night changed my life every so drastically!! 

I didn’t know much about the stony plain school! The tournament time was upon us and I’ll never ever forget! Sifu Wiebe convinced me to participate! I said okay, if that’s what you feel is best! So I walked into the stony school, not knowing who anyone really is! I competed and I guess I did well that year! I’ll never forget, Sifu Brinker comes up to me after the tourney, and complimented me on well! Sifu Wiebe was like, dude, that’s master Sifu! He just complimented your Kung fu! That’s pretty awesome! You should be proud of yourself! That doesn’t happen as much as you may think! 

It was the second time in my life I felt like I belonged! I don’t know if Sifu Brinker meant it, or what! But I didn’t care! The fact that this dude just paid attention to me, when he didn’t have to, was pretty powerful to me! Nobody ever gave a crap about me, and here’s this master instructor who took the time to compliment me?!? Wow okay!!! Honestly, it gave me a serious confidence boost! A boost in belonging! I’ve always carried that convo with me! It still gives me goosebumps! 

Slowly, but with hesitation, I felt safer and safer at the Kwoon! I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere in life! But here in this school, with these people, I felt like I mattered! It felt like these people, actually cared about me! Why? I’m a stranger! No one knows me! Why do you care about me? People would stop doing stuff to come help me?!?!? I would ask a question and here’s Sifu Vantuil literally taking things out of her hands to give me her absolute full attention…. absolutely blown away!!! What do you mean you care about everyone? What? I ain’t never heard that before! I wanted to believe, but I ain’t never seen it, outside of the rooms! 

You may think I’m kidding, but I never saw kindness like I’ve seen in this school, just given away so freely! And respect for everyone… that was unheard of for myself! Ha really kinda set me back a bit! I’ve learned to embrace it and it’s actually really cool, just being kind and stuff like that! 

What I learnt in just watching my instructors, is that, you can completely weaponize your body and mind, but now it’s my responsibility to not harm others!! In fact, you should care about people! Even if someone is running off at the mouth, and the old me would have parked my fist in that face, I should not do that?!? Oh that’s news!!  I would take what I learnt in kung fu and conform it to what I learnt in AA! Holy, the words are different, but you speak the same message! Okay, so after a while I put absolute faith in my instructors and complete trust in my creator! I’m supposed to be here! I’m supposed to be with SRKF! Funny enough, every instructor I’ve ever worked with, is simply there to help and build… holy crap…you’re gonna teach me how to destroy someone, but, I don’t actually want to harm anyone anymore… what kind of magic is this?!? Oh it’s martial arts mastery oh….

Through all my journeys and places I’ve gone and things I’ve done, the Kwoon has always been my safe place! Everyone’s chill, everyone’s nice, train hard play hard! Sweet!! 

Silent River Kung Fu gave me a place to belong! SRKF gave me a sense of community, making me do demos and putting myself out there! SRKF gave me methods to dismantle my anger and build confidence! SRKF, in combination with AA, gave me a second chance at life! Silent River has simply help save my life! For that I’m eternally grateful! If there’s ever a time where the tkd or karate schools are throwing shade….no sweat , give the order bosses and I will have a chat! I owe my life and my sobriety to this school, something I won’t forget! Besides once you got my loyalty, no sweat!!

SRKF is not just a school or a building to me! Truly it’s more than a Kwoon as well! Like for others, it’s home! Ive had many of powerful memories in the Kwoon that I hold dear! 

I may not be the best teammate, nor am I often around, but I promise all of you, you are my family! Im like the 3rd cousin twice removed, somehow always still around…hahaha! I’m so proud to be apart of Silent River. I’m even prouder to celebrate 10years of sobriety with everyone here! 

This has been a wild 10 year ride and I’m so happy to be apart of Silent River! Thanks to everyone for helping me and listening to me and being apart of my journey in sobriety! 

What a gift I have! 

Thanks for reading my blog today! 

 July 2, 2011

Forever the worst day, that forever positively changed my life. So it’s actually the best day ever! 

3, 650 days of I can do this, if only for today! 

Thanks for your time! 

Mr.Duncan 

Forced Down Time

 Hey teammates. A real quick update. This has been a good week! Rough but making progress! 

I haven’t been about much, simply because two things. 

One, I received the vaccine earlier in the week, and the only drawback to that was I was exhausted for 36ish hours. 

Secondly I had a small, nothing serious, operation done later in the week! The dr told me all I am allowed to be is a couch potatoe for the next few days or so! 

So, there we go, I’ve been recovering and sleeping and feeling sore and beat up for the last few days! 

Honestly, I’m happy everything has worked out the way it has! My boss wanted me to go to work on Sunday….drs orders boss! Sorry. I told you about this! These operations is very important and I’m not skipping out on them. Near 7months of waiting to get this done! Mostly because of Covid messing stuff up for now!! 

On that note, I’m going to go watch Young Guns I and II! Man I love that show!! And watch Shane later today! That story makes me tear up every single time, and I’ve read that book so many times….We, as a family, watched Tombstone last weekend! My yongests sons name is Wyatt. And I honestly named him after Wyatt Earp. My oldest son Alexander is named after Alexander the Great! Legit! Anyhow, I wanted to “show” Wyatt who he’s named after….dad, I don’t want to be a cowboy, but I really like Wyatt Earp! Me too buddy. Me too. 

I was born in the wrong time era! 

Anyhow team, I’m getting tired here, I know, I just woke up!! But I’m beat.

Thanks for your time and listening to me!! 

Have a solid day teammates!

Mr.Duncan

Being in the kwoon

 The Kwoon is honestly one of the first places I’ve felt accepted and safe. I truly love the Kwoon. I feel like I can crush the world when I hang in the Kwoon. So many laughs. So many positive struggles so many good people. I really am grateful for all the work that been put into the Kwoon. I certainly feel the love when I step in there. 

Favourite spot in the home

 I like my garage. It’s quiet. It’s my training hall. Buckets of sweat and blood on the concrete. Concretes broken and flaking, but it serves me well! It’s not the prettiest nor the warmest, but it’s what I have and I’m very grateful for it. Pushing iron, pushing limits or teaching how bikes work. The garage does it all